The Red Flag Turns White

Mom: I hope this is raising a red flag for you.
Me: It is.

Five minutes later and a hundred dollars saved-
Mom: Ok, I take all that back.

Jumping In

http://www.fussy.org/nablopomo.html

I am going to figure out how to sign up for that and join in. I think the month of November is going to be quite a challenge!

IOU

I owe you an explanation. Last week, a friend of mine told me to write her a story of what my life has been like since September. I believe she had good intentions in asking telling me to write her something. As I said before, I need deadlines. I need someone to be down my neck about what I'm working on. But I can't write the story she wants me to write. I think part of her request was to get me to see what I've done with my life. That by telling me to write about my life since the beginning of September, I will see the mistakes I've made. And that is no way to write a story.

Yes, someday I will tell this story, of my "time astray". And I am excited for that story because it's going to be something that I want to tell. But I don't want to tell it right now. I'm living it right now, and I cannot put it down into story form yet. I tried, and it reads like a journal and that's boring to me. I don't want my stories to turn into journal entries or even blog entries. I want it to mean something to me.

A few months ago, I dated someone and when I ended it he sent me an email telling me that he wondered how he would end up in one of my stories. And the truth is, I will never write about him. I will never tell that "story" because it's not a story. It's not interesting or life changing.

My life now is interesting. Not in the ways that my friends and family want it to be, but I am so fascinated with what is going on around me. It's not what you want for me, I'm sorry. And I can't write the story for you yet. I'm not lost, I'm just doing this my way.

This is me, but not really me.

 

I just wanted to see how I can publish photos with Picassa. I wish Picassa was compatible with Macs. The things I go through because I love my Apple. 

I don't do New Years

But I will make a resolution. I will write. Not everyday, because that is an impossible thing for me to do. However, no more one a week posts. And I've decided not to be annomymous. There aren't a whole lot of people out there who actually read my old blog, but I don't think that hiding my identity is important. I'm not going to lose my job over this, I'm not worried about anyone in particular reading it to find out what I'm up to, and I never really intended this to be a crazy tell-all memoir.

Because I live in a small town and I'm wasting my precious post college years on worthless adventures and pointless relationships. So how is that exciting? And who cares?

So this is for me. I need to get back to writing. Even if it's silly stories about the bar, and the library, and my amazing niece. I'm not going to be able to pull myself out of this slump if I don't have some way to put it out there. Deadlines really are beautiful things. I miss them.