The Other Woman

Once, weeks ago (weeks seem like months, is that just me?) CS was sitting on the couch and I was at the table by my computer. We hadn't been talking, and he goes to ask me something, I forget what. And he says "Hey Kristen...Jess." Then we just looked at each other. "We were just talking about her!" he says, with a tone of instant remorse at the words he just uttered. I kept looking at him, my eyes big and my jaw dropped. "There are a lot worse places you could have said that," is all I say.

In his defense, we had been talking about her. She had called that night, while we wear sitting outside our front door, eating chips and salsa out of the jar. Whenever she calls, without fail, CS looks at his phone...sees her number...sighs...flips it open... and says "Hello?" Like, "I know who this is, but I am extending no effort to make you feel welcome to call me." I told him that that night and we did start a small conversation about her and what happened with them. I don't know all the details, nor do I want to. I know a little bit, but I don't want to bring her and him into our relationship out of simple curiosity. As far as I know, she doesn't call often. She calls for a reason here and there, but those reasons are starting to die out as everything becomes final and their life together is no more.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should ever worry about her getting him back. If marriage bonds really are that strong. You hear stories about exes getting back together, working things out. Honestly, I think it would be impossible for them to go back, to fall in love. But on an especially rough day, it's a little fear in a small corner of my mind. Maybe it's because I'm naive, and I believe that when you say "I do" and you bind yourself to another person, part of you can never escape those bonds. That marriage is the welding of two fleshes, and to separate that, you must cut it away. And if you do, are you ever whole again? Even if we are happy and meant to be together, she will always be the first. I'd be lying if I said that never hurts me.