Waves

I'm currently awash in a mix of emotions. Happy/sad.

I cannot believe how fast the past 6 months have gone by. How I went from a somewhat drunken mess in Colorful Colorado to a very happy substitute teacher in the middle of pos New Mexico. And the realization that there is a very good chance we are leaving here in about 4 weeks releases a lot of emotions I just don't want to deal with.

Sure, it's cool I get to go someplace new. Leave behind this ugly landscape and go to Farmington, or Wyoming, Kansas. Who knows, right now. We want to get a tag along trailer to live in, instead of finding cheap apartment after a hotel room for a week. I found a cockroach in my kitchen the other day and when I called to get someone to come spray, my rental people told me that they do it the first time and it's my responsibility for the rest. Which, BULL. I want to see the receipt for that spraying, as I think it's a huge lie. They are scummy landlords who deal with trashy people that don't take care of their space. And I am ok with not having them to deal with that nonsense anymore.

But, oh. I am going to miss my life here. No, it's not pretty here. I don't get to go out to the bar and know everyone and know that they know me. I don't get to have wine soaked dinner parties with people my own age. There are no Sunday Brunches, post drinking. I know virtually no one here. I go to work, I come home. But I love my job. I love the people I work with, the teachers who make me feel so welcome. The students who come and talk to me about their lives when all the work is finished and we're waiting for the bell. My aerobics class with my silly, D.A.R.E. cop instructor and the two women I share a Full Throttle Bench with on Tuesday/Thursday.

Finally, I can feel at home here. And it's almost time to leave.

I'm scared because I'm finally happy. But I know I won't be happy here without CS. I can't handle going to work and coming home to an empty house in a town where I only have a job. Nothing else.

So, I follow. You go.