Tooths.

Mah baby is getting a TOOTH. He's only three (almost four) months old! And there is a bottom tooth coming in. I found it yesterday, somehow I decided to rub his gum and I felt it. Today you can see it, just an itty bitty spot of white coming through him gum. I suppose this explains the sudden onset of drooling, all those little outfits soaked with baby spit. What I don't understand is why he has been so easy going. No out of control crying or tantrums. Just the same sweet little boy who gets upset when he gets tired because it's too exciting to sleep. I am so lucky to have such an amazing baby.

I had a meltdown today. Completely lost my composure after talking to CS and I sat on the floor next to Jacob in his bouncy seat and sobbed. When I looked up, he was watching me. Grinning his toothless, gummy smile because Mama is making funny noise. It's really hard to be sad after that. He makes everything so good. Even right now when things are very bad, I am at peace with Jacob. He is the best thing in my life and I cannot regret him. I love every minute of being a stay at home mama to him.

Our future is so uncertain right now and I'm worried about what is going to happen. Everyday I feel like I reach a breaking point, yet I have no courage to talk about it. I'm out of options, tired of fighting, on the verge of apathy. Somedays it's like we are just beating a dead horse to see if we can make it move. I never saw this coming.