I found Kroger brand Nutella yesterday in the grocery store. Heaven! Except I don't really know what to do with it besides eat it on a spoon.

Jacob can almost sit up on his own. He just hasn't figured out how to keep his balance if he looks at anything besides his feet. He still does not know that they are, in fact, his feet.

CS is in Mississippi but mostly just sitting in his hotel room. They made him do a lot of waiting and training classes before they put him to work and start paying him.

Jacob has a lovely obsession with his exersaucer. He will jump and bounce and scream his little head off when he's in it. He thinks it's hilarious!

I made strawberry chiffon shortcake yesterday and I think I love whipped cream. The real stuff.

Jacob has no idea what to do with a Soothie pacifier. He thinks it's a teether.

Naps. Or Lack There Of.

Jacob is striking out to be a busy little boy during the day. He's always been a sleep fighter. From the time he was two weeks old, he's fight going to sleep, wailing unnaturally in the evenings. I think it was because he slept SO MUCH during the day that he got mad in the evening because he didn't want to sleep! He wanted to look around! Do things! Sleep is for babies! But yet he was just a little newborn and he needed to sleep. He's been a pretty regular boy since then, sleeping from 10 to 4 and waking to nurse but going right back to sleep before waking at 9. After that, he plays for an hour before taking an hour nap. Then he wakes and we play for two hours, then an hour nap. Repeat until bedtime.

But now! He is only happy sleeping on his side during the day. Naps are an hour, maybe more or less. He grumbles in his sleep when I put him down, fighting to let himself sleep deeper. He wants to sleep on my lap, with the boob in his mouth. I've put an end to sleeping on me, but then I go to CS's parents and Grandma lets him sleep on her. He's realized that there are other places to go besides the living room and he would like to see them, daily. Not nap, Mama.

However, I have vampire books to read! So we might be cutting out the multiple nap times and instead go with two two hour naps instead. And I'd also like him to put himself to sleep. Ok, Jacob? Thanks, love you, Mama.

Big Trouble, Mister.

Hunter and I tried to play this evening and he turned into ATTACK SPIDER DOG and ripped my pants and clawed my leg. Am still mad at him because it hurts like a mofo.

Jacob likes to pinch me when he's excited. This hurts, as well. I clipped his nails tonight in an attempt to decrease the amount of bleeding scratches on his head. Maybe it will help me.

My left index finger is in terrible pain. I got a paper cut a few days ago and instead of healing right up, it's decided to get infected under the skin and cause all sorts of trouble. Typing hurts, so does putting on a diaper, picking up objects, and touching just about everything. I plan on bandaging it with some medical goo.

It is no longer warm out, and I tried to dress for the warm weather today. It was 26 degrees when I got in the car this evening to come home. Thanks, Colorado. I just started to like you again.

I should be in bed but Bridget Jones is on and I can't help watching it.

Totally Beat Down By Karma

So I decided to take a bath while the boy slept this morning. I put him in bed and ran the water for a bath. I turned on the monitor just in case he woke up and started squalling, but as I settled myself into the bubbles I was thinking about how many mom's talk about how they don't get showers or time to brush their teeth. And here I was, in a bath, thinking that this mommy gig isn't so hard. You just have to time it right! Why can't they take time out and relax while the baby is sleeping? Cake, I tell you.

And then, (of course) over the monitor came the sound of a baby crying. And not just sleep noises, but "HEY, I am AWAKE NOW. Come and get me, I do not like being in bed." So I had to pull myself out of the water and put my bubble covered body into a robe and drip down the hall to attempt a pacifier and cuddle before placing him back down. But it didn't work. Those blue eyes were open and he planned on keeping it that way for a while.

So I dragged his ocean playmat into the bathroom and finished my bath. He wasn't screaming bloody murder while I shaved my legs, but he wasn't exactly happy about being in there. I would have brought him in with me, but I didn't grab the Vaseline when I came back in and he needs that for the cradle cap and I didn't feel like getting out again. Plus, he'd smell like Bath and Body Peony. Fine by me, but I'm sure his father would object.

Just A Day

I'm beginning to feel like I need a large break. And by large, I mean about three hours of alone time. No nursing, no rocking, no asking CS if he has a job. Of course, if I actually got this, I would spend my time thinking about how Jacob is doing. Nor could I actually do it since he nurses every two hours and if I left CS with Jacob alone, I suspect I could have thirty minutes of alone time before CS was calling me to tell me to come back because Jacob is cry. Since I can't even take a shower without CS having to sit on the bed and let Jacob watch me get my make up on and get dressed. I'm not tired, and I'm not sick of playing with him. I'm just a little worn out and I need some time to be by myself. I can't blame the weather, since it's been crazy nice here. I just haven't spend anytime outside. I blame the incessant wind, it's annoying and Jacob still won't breathe when it's windy so walks would just make him cry. I'm out of crafts to make, don't have money to go shopping, can't bake anything because we have enough sweets. I don't want to go sit in someone else's house and let them take the baby.

Huh, I totally need a nanny.

Wait, I've Been Here Before.

CS did not leave this morning. The office called him yesterday and told him that the man who runs the classes for the job training he must do before going to work had to leave fora personal, family emergency and CS didn't need to leave until they could reschedule the class.

Obviously, this is not what I want to hear. So now we're playing the waiting game until Monday to see if they have another place for training. Certainly, this cannot last much longer, can it? Haven't we gone through enough?

It's Your Lucky Day

It's hard to believe that CS is leaving tomorrow for Mississippi. Mostly because he never pre-packs, except for that one bag he packed over a week ago and has been causing me grief every day because it takes up valuable floor space in a teeny tiny room. I will be glad the bag is gone, but not the owner of the bag and it's content. Six weeks apart is a lot longer than a week. Of course, I won't be alone. Although my mom is going to be in school two nights a week and working late on night so I will have at least three days of Jess and Jacob: ALL DAY LONG AND INTO THE NIGHT. I'm thinking that maybe I should move in with CS's parents now because while my mom loves Jacob and helps me a lot, his mom would totally take over every aspect of childcare if I wanted her to.

Mississipete

So CS got a job in Mississippi. (Remember the rhyme? I've been saying it all day.) It's for a company that builds ships for the Navy and it pays well and it's not a temporary job. He's supposed to be there on Monday for training and I hope that it's for real. Not like the other company he talked to last week that told him he had a job but then disappeared on the details. But it seems to be a legitimate deal. We have rate of pay, name of the town he'd work in, dates for training, etc. I'm not sure how living in Mississippi will be, but it's on the gulf coast. Like on the BEACH. Obviously, since he's building boats. This means Jacob is going to grow up with a Southern accent. How gosh darn cute is that?

CS will be leaving this weekend but I will be staying behind with baby boy until he finds a place to live and we have money for said place to live. I'll probably fly out, rather than attempt a 22 hour drive with a five month old. I am not insane. Nor do I want to drive myself crazy. I'm not liking the logistics that moving will entail. Getting time off for a new company is hard, not to mention moving everything from CO to MS but it will work. It has to.

So I'll be around. Playing the single parent gig while CS lives like a bachelor, sleeping in the bed of his truck. Who'd of thought that this would be life.

The Falling White Stuff

It's snowing again. It snowed last week. And the week before that. I wanted to go to town and get some fresh fruit and stop by a friends to pick up some toys for Jacob but since the car has decided that 4 wheel drive is not necessary, I can't go anywhere besides the other room. I'm not going stir crazy, I just like to have something different to do each day that does not involve a couch or TV or computer. Snow days thwart me. I even allowed myself to put on sweatpants after the shower. However, the baby is not wearing socks, which is a gigantic FAIL. He's clean though!

Actually, I have a lot of people to call today. The cable company from Arizona because they claim I owe them money. the hearing test office who wants to know why I haven't paid them, ever. (Because Cobra just now got our fax about adding Jacob to the policy so now they have to process the claims.) The hospital who thinks that I need to pay them over five hundred dollars right now, which HAHAHAHA. NO. They even sent me a letter stating that I might be in the process of being sent to an outside collections company if I don't pay in full. Sure. Go ahead. I have no money and I have no income. Maybe you can just wait for the monthly payment.

Of course, if CS doesn't get a job this week, wait, TOMORROW, then who knows. Someday we will have money again. Just not anytime soon. Technically, he has a job. He talked to a man last week who told him that they needed him and he just had to get the details and CS would be off to Texas for a job that pays over twenty five an hour plus per diem. And we're still waiting on the details. I hate how they just let people hang, I've heard that they will eventually call with the details but I've yet to see it. So far, I've only seen CS waiting for a call. But no actual calls. I'm not allowed to comment on that though. Apparently, I'm pessimistic for thinking that way. I think I'm being realistic. If they don't tell you to come down right now, then they probably won't call you anytime soon to tell you that you have a job. So you might as well start looking for another one right away. Construction is bullshit.

Little Things

My new LL Bean water canister. And vest. And slippers.

Belated baby shower cards with checks in the mail.

A naked wriggly baby who can scoot himself on the floor.

Baby lotion on my hands.

A stack of thank you notes ready to be mailed out.

Little Things

A package from my grandma for my son.

Jacob learning how to jump.

New library books.

Hunter sleeping on a princess bed.

A glass of wine before crawling into a bed warmed by my rice warmer.

Stolen From Someone From Someone Else

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? I got pregnant and had a baby.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any last year. But this year I want to read the Bible daily. And keep in touch with friends and family better.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Myself! And a few other people I know.

4. Did anyone close to you die? CS's grandpa died in January, it was very sad for them.

5. What countries did you visit? Texas.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? I'd like to be financially secure again. It seems like we've been struggling with money forever now.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 2nd, when I found out I was pregnant. September 3rd, when Jacob was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'm a really good mama.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing all my savings. I don't actually consider that my failure though. I was busy becoming a mom.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Pregnancy is a condition, not a disease. No, once I got over the 1st trimester, I felt great.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A plane ticket to Ohio. I got to see my friends for the last time without a baby.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom. She's been unwaveringly supportive of me and Jacob since we came back home, and even before that when I was having a really hard time accepting the fact that we had no money and no idea what we were going to do post-baby. I'm just very grateful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I'm not exactly appalled, but some of CS's decisions have depressed me.

14. Where did most of your money go? Cobra. Rent. CS's truck payment. Trying to pay all the bills while CS is unemployed.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Once Jacob was born, I was really excited about it. Before, it just didn't seem real.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor. I sang it to Jacob a lot when we first moved back to CO and I thought it summed up our life at the time.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Being crafty. I made almost half of the gifts I gave for Christmas and I wish I'd done more knitting and sewing. I get better each time I try something again.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worry about money. It's turning out ok to be broke and I could have saved myself a few sleepless nights and a lot of jaw clenching.

20. How did you spend Christmas? At my mom's house in the morning and CS's grandma's in the afternoon.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes.

22. What was your favorite TV program? I really like "The Fringe" even after I stopped watching the first episode because it freaked me out. Nothing that happens can be real, but it plays into your fantasy of "what if?"

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don't believe myself capable of hate. I can be annoyed or dislike someone. But hate is just too powerful.

24. What was the best book you read?Pete and Pickles. It's a children's book my mom got for JBelle, but it's the most powerful example of love I've seen in a long time. In the grown up sector, I liked A Thousand Splendid Suns.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I'm pretty disappointed with my musical tastes this year. I'm constantly dissatisfied.

26. What did you want and get? A Kitchen Aid Mixer.

27. What did you want and not get? An engagement ring.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I loved Wall-E.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25 this year and we spent the day down in the valley. Eating sushi and Cheesecake Factory banana cheesecake and shopping for a good gift for myself rather than for the baby. We watched the Dark Knight and at midnight we got stranded in Mesa when my car died and my brother couldn't help us. We shouldn't have driven my car but we made it alright. I felt worse for Hunter. He was locked up for almost 24 hours during that time.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Knowing that CS had a job he loved that paid him well.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Maternity.

32. What kept you sane? My baby boy, my friends, and my mom.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Tina Fey. I was so amused by her Palin skits.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I was very upset by Colorado trying to pass a "Life begins at conception" bill because I think it would have hurt more women than need be. As a woman, I didn't like the idea that I could die because it was illegal to terminate an eptopic pregnancy until an official ruled it ok.

35. Who did you miss?I miss my friends in Ohio. I've never gone so long without seeing them.

36. Who was the best new person you met? My son, hands down. I've never been more in love with someone and I am constantly amazed and amused by the little things he does. I thought I loved JBelle deeply, but this is just so much more.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. It's ok to sleep in till 9 AM with your new baby.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I know you can do it."

Paper!

Jacob thought that the wrapping paper was a suitable gift. I'm ok with just wrapping up boxes of paper for him next year. As long as he doesn't eat it. Like the napkin he stuffed into his maw the other night at dinner.

He's four months now, and he has two teeth. He can scoot his body around in a circle by lifting his butt in the air. He's working on pushing himself forward when he's on his stomach. When laying under his jungle gym, he can hold onto the toys that hang down and he likes to watch himself in the mirror. He has a screechy little yell when he's excited or mad. He coos to himself before falling asleep. He likes to sit on the couch and play with his toys rather than be held all the time. He stuck his lip out and made it quiver when he thought someone was going to take me away from him. And finally, he bit the boob with those sharp teeth and made me yell.

I see a defiant little boy ahead of me. No one gets lucky enough to have an easy pregnancy, easy birth, easy newborn, and easy going baby.

Vacation For Two

Jacob and I went to visit friends in Denver this week. We also got stranded for an extra day because it started snowing on one side of Denver and we couldn't leave. We probably could have made it, but I have no four wheel drive (because it BROKE), Jacob was screaming to get out of his seat because we were only going five miles an hour and he thought we were stopped, and every single lane was packed with cars trying to get out of town with no end in sight. So I turned around and went back to the snowless part of town and felt stupid because I didn't feel confident to drive home with my baby. My accident two years ago doesn't help me feel confident but mostly it was because my car is broken and it was getting dark. Also, I forgot Jacob's coat at home.

However, we did get to go to the Aquarium with my brother and his wife. He likes to watch fish. And when the parrots in the South American exhibit squawk, Jacob thinks they are talking to him and he talks back. The stingray pool freaked him out a little bit, I don't think he understood what we were doing with our hands in the water and why he kept getting splashed. We got to feed them, which is weird because you stick a little frozen fish in your knuckle and put your hand underwater and wait for a stingray to come up and suck your fist into it's mouth. After that, we used a lot of sanitizer.

But now we are home, after a cautious trip down the highway. Jacob slept the whole way home, and even took more naps today. I think he's making up for the past two weeks. I am completely on board with this. Even though I love his delirious laughing when I tickle his neck and say his name.

PS. Jacob LOVED the mall. Someday, when I have money, I plan on going back.