And Back We Go

Quick Update:

I should be packing but since I know Sarah has been trying to get a hold of me, I'll try to update quickly.

We are all moving back to Colorado this week. CS was offered a job in Florence that seems to be a really good opportunity for him. It doesn't pay as much as the job that brought him down here did but it pays well enough for us to get by for a while. So Jacob and I are flying out on Wednesday and CS's dad is flying down to help CS get the U-Haul back to CO. We're both sad to be leaving the South, since it's warm here in wintertime and they have a beach! I'm bummed because I just found a church to go to and I was hopefully going to start making friends. Cute babies are good for things like that. Of course, it will be good to be around my family and the friends I have in Colorado. However, it does place me smack back into the same place I was years ago when I decided to get away and live someplace new. We're also going to live with CS's parents this time around. As far as I know, they are letting us sleep in the same room together, although there was a conversation where his mom wasn't sure. Apparently, we are a bad influence on his sister. I think we all know that separate bedrooms do not keep adults from being intimate so maybe she realized this and decided against two rooms.

However, if the bed is only a twin? Then CS will be sleeping on the couch. There is not enough room for me, Jacob and CS. No way, no how.

Taking Baby Steps

No, Jacob isn't walking yet. CLOSE, but not yet. I'm talking about baby steps for me. We went to church this morning and I knew that keeping Jacob quiet and entertained during the service was not going to happen so I planned on putting him into the nursery after the worship service. I was able to hand him off without him even noticing it and I took my seat on the pew and realized that I forgot to check the number they flash on the screen when a baby is inconsolable. I debated about whether or not to go check really fast or just run out of the church when I saw a number. I tried really hard to pay attention and not wonder what he was doing or just go check on him around the corner really fast. Finally, about ten minutes from the end of church I saw a number flash on the screen so I got up to go check and sure enough it belonged to me. The head of the children's group was holding him and he had big tears on his face and he was making the sounds of a baby who has just been sobbing and trying to calm down. He went to me but then a minute later he reached out for the woman who had been holding him and went back to her. I take that as a big, fat "I'm mad at you, Mama." So we went to the Crying Room and instantly he was showing off his talking noises for a five month old named Emma and trying to pull the Glade plug-in out of the wall. Hopefully, he is able to go play next time for the whole sermon and that he doesn't remember it as the place where there is no mama. Because that thirty minutes of alone time, spend acting like an adult and listening to an adult talk about grown-up things was kind of, just what I needed. Plus, Jacob needs to learn to play with other kids, not just with mamas. And dogs.

I Love Grocery Shopping

What I'm cooking this week:

Wednesday: Manwich sloppy joes because I went shopping at 6 PM and we were already out of food. Chips and peas. Jacob had grapes until I realized he would pick up the peas and eat them. However, for every pea that made it into his mouth, three fell to the floor. Hunter was not disappointed.

Thursday: Steak, foil wrapped potatoes on the grill, spinach.

Friday: Pizza made with sausage, mushrooms, yellow peppers, and onions. Or BBQ chicken pizza. Whatever kind I feel like cooking.

Saturday: Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy if we don't ruin it again. Maybe a salad.

Sunday: BBQ Pork Loin. It's pre-seasoned so we just throw it on the grill and it comes off super tender. Jacob is going to eat some this time around; last time I thought there were more pieces left and I ate the last piece on my plate. He was still hungry. Baked potatoes and cauliflower, possibly with cheese sauce.

Monday: Hamburgers, tator tots, cabbage slaw with buttermilk dressing.

Tuesday: If I didn't make a BBQ pizza on Friday, then I will either make it today or I will make BBQ chicken with mac and cheese and fried okra.

I have grand plans to make something chocolate-y and possibly a cake-y. Maybe homemade oreos. What I really want to make are Guinness cupcakes with Baileys frosting but I lack both the alcoholic components. I also have mounds of blueberries to go through, some for baby food, but the rest is unknown. I have a recipe for pound cake or possibly a lemon yogurt blueberry loaf.

For lunch, I have a smashed chichpea salad that will go on homemade bread. If only I remembered to get some wheat flour. Seriously, I need a pantry the size of a bedroom. That would be heaven!

A Tale Of Two Fans

On Wednesday night, our air conditioning broke. And it was hot. We suffered through the morning until I took Jacob to the county health department to get his shot where it was blessedly air conditioned. Then we came back home to a 90 degree house. Jacob took a nap and afterwards we went to the neighbors pool. Which was not even cold, that's how hot we were. The repair guy was there fixing the unit when we got back from the pool and declared the problem a dirty filter and, lo, it was cool!

When we got back down to 75 degrees, the unit shut off and then it turned back on again it was not blowing cool air anymore. The fan on the outside unit wasn't turning so slowly the house crept back up to 82 degrees. CS went to get box fans but they didn't do much besides blow slightly cooler air around the bedroom and Jacob's room.

As of now, we're just waiting around for the repair man to come again. I think a trip to Walmart followed by Target followed by the mall might be in order. But someone has to be here to make sure they fix the problem. They better be sure to fix it this time. I'm not going through another day and night of hot air and sticky baby limbs.

Small Things

Decaf Irish Breakfast Tea. Twinnings finally made this in decaf so I can drink it. I could probably drink caffeinated tea now, but I just got Jacob to sleep better at night by turning of the nightlight and I'd rather not mess with a good thing.

My neighbor's open invitation to make their backyard pool my own. If only I had some gabby girlfriends.

The back porch finally cleaned up!

Jacob saying "mamama" all the time.

Sundays at the beach. Jacob has a Coppertone tan. Milky white baby bottoms are adorable.

My new pink sports bra.

Sharing Whole Foods Cheese Curls with Jacob at lunch time.

Mamamama!

Jacob is starting to say "Mama" and this delights me to no end. He says it a lot, but not actually to me so he hasn't figured out that the noise he's making is the same thing I keep asking him to say. CS makes a sad face everytime he hears Jacob say it but I think it's totally fair. Dada isn't getting up at 12, 2, and 4 to soothe him! Dada doesn't get up and change you in the morning. Or play with you all day. Bathe you and put you to bed. Darn straight, Jacob better say "mama" first.

I'm still waiting on his medicine to start working which probably means I'm in for a huge blowout. Bummer. I'm more concerned about the rash that has been popping up the last few days. It's only on his face and torso and the nurse at the doctor's office doesn't think it could be related to the medicine but she also said that breastfed babies don't get constipated and they usually go more than once a week. So not true! Meet my baby.

He shattered a glass bowl yesterday, shards of glass all over his feet. Luckily, he didn't get cut and I was able to clean it up without too much trouble. Reason #4 I hate having concrete floors in my living space. Honestly, I'd rather have carpet. My mom has carpet and it just seems easier to take care of. No mopping, just the vacuum. I guess I could move the living space into the other bedroom but then the kitchen would be so bare and I spend most of the day going in there for snacks. Obviously, I'm not losing much weight. But we are going to daily walks, unless the baby sleeps till 10 AM. Then we take a short walk in the evening. Before the mosquitos come out to eat us. Shockingly, they eat me more than the delicious baby in the stroller.

So Tired.

We took Jacob to a pediatrician today. I've finally given up on trying to help him with his "digestion issues" or "only pooping once a week and screaming, crying, and bleeding his way through through it." I tried removing bananas, apples, rice, squash, and carrots. I fed him only fruit, green beans, peas, and prunes. I tried Cheerios. I gave him teaspoons of dark karo syrup and tried to use apple juice in a sippy cup. So far nothing has helped him and every week we go through the same routine. Baby starts crying and straining and I rub his belly and pump his legs like he's on a bicycle to help him poop. The pediatrician wrote a prescription for a laxative and I am to give it to him daily until things start working on their own. Which might take weeks to a few months. It's not a quick fix. It's a good thing, that we have some place to start and I certainly don't want to do the other options if the medicine doesn't work out because, lo, we have no health insurance. And the little ten minute visit with the doctor cost us $185. HOLY SHIT PEOPLE. I called a different place this morning and their fee was $110 for "people like us" and I thought that was high. I should have asked when I called them and got an appointment. I should have said "I'm sorry, we can't afford that," when she told me the total. I'm buying groceries with fucking food stamps right now. I cannot afford to have a sick child. I know I should have gone to the county nurse. I just had no idea it could cost so much to see a doctor for ten minutes. Why can they do this? How can they charge someone with no insurance what they'd charge an insurance company who finds ways to write things off. Is this how they make their money? By overcharging the people who can't afford to pay insurance if they aren't part of a group? Even if I did have insurance, I would would still be paying all their charges because I can't afford to pay $250 a month for one child to have a $500 deductible and an 80/20 co-pay. Yes, I should go down to the county and get Medicaid or whatever to cover my baby's doctor's visits. But I don't have a car here yet, so anytime I take the truck to get these kinds of things in order, I am using time that CS needs to go sell his frozen meat and make us money to live. It's such a catch-22. I need my car, but I can't afford to get it here. Meanwhile, I'm going deeper into a hole trying to get everything together with only one car.

So I'm tired. I'm tired of being so broke that I'm actually buying groceries on food stamps. Tired of being stuck in a house all day long while Cs goes out and usually comes home empty handed because the money he does make is going straight back to the truck to pay for the fuel he uses to drive around. I'm tired of looking at my maxed out credit card statements. Tired of bills from doctor's offices saying I'm overdue and may be sent to collections. I'm tired of borrowing money from parents, paying them back, and borrowing again.

On the bright side, Jacob's prescription only cost $4 at Walmart. Also there is a almost perfectly healthy boy at my feet, if we overlook the pooping issues and the fact that he's on a nursing strike and I left my breast pump at home and OMG you have no idea how badly my boobs hurt right now.

This gets better right?