We All Scream!

For ICE CREAM!

I'm in love with Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. I had never had it until we came to visit CS last year in March. I ate gallons of it while we lived in Mobile and we even stocked up on it before we moved back to Colorado. It is amazing and not available to the entire nation. I scooped myself a bowl of ice cream as my sister in law got out a cup of Italian ice and told her how I would probably eat the whole half gallon and need another before I left. She was shocked and probably disgusted but I don't care. A few pounds is fine by me if it means I get to eat delicious cream for a whole week. She has body issues so I can't expect her to understand. Uh, even though I've been feeling a tad bit on the chubby side for the last week as I gave up exercising for some reason. Laziness? Lack of enthusiasm? I have no idea. But they have a Wii Fit so I should really be on the ball. Or at least take Jacob on a long walk each morning. Because it's 75 degrees here and perfect. I love the South. I want to stay here forever. I will take the humidity and crazy people and my delicious ice cream. I will just live here with my brother and his wife and their baby and we will all be happy.

I came down here on a mission to make life easier for my brother's wife but I'm not sure much will be accomplished. She's too scared to leave the baby so I'm trying to talk to her about not saying that she never wanted to be a mom and how she wants to have her own life back. It's hard to hear those things and not be angry about it. She has so much that I want but I also have things she wants. I have a college education and a life as a child-free woman. I didn't get married young and I am good at lots of things. I've worked. I chose to have a baby and I desperately want to stay home with him. She wants to stay home but she just feels trapped sometimes. She has no family or friends and a 5 month old baby. It's exhausting. I know. But you can't say you regret your baby.

I'm trying to be good and nice and non-judgmental. But tell me, did I go too far by taking a rag to the kitchen counters and wiping up all the crumbs and junk in the corners and behind bowls? No? How about when I mopped up the floor? Yes?

I can't help myself. A dirty kitchen is my biggest pet peeve ever. I cannot stand spills on the floor or sauce baked on the stove. I maybe even wiped down the windowsill.

But if this is sickness, I really don't want to be well.

And Back We Go

Quick Update:

I should be packing but since I know Sarah has been trying to get a hold of me, I'll try to update quickly.

We are all moving back to Colorado this week. CS was offered a job in Florence that seems to be a really good opportunity for him. It doesn't pay as much as the job that brought him down here did but it pays well enough for us to get by for a while. So Jacob and I are flying out on Wednesday and CS's dad is flying down to help CS get the U-Haul back to CO. We're both sad to be leaving the South, since it's warm here in wintertime and they have a beach! I'm bummed because I just found a church to go to and I was hopefully going to start making friends. Cute babies are good for things like that. Of course, it will be good to be around my family and the friends I have in Colorado. However, it does place me smack back into the same place I was years ago when I decided to get away and live someplace new. We're also going to live with CS's parents this time around. As far as I know, they are letting us sleep in the same room together, although there was a conversation where his mom wasn't sure. Apparently, we are a bad influence on his sister. I think we all know that separate bedrooms do not keep adults from being intimate so maybe she realized this and decided against two rooms.

However, if the bed is only a twin? Then CS will be sleeping on the couch. There is not enough room for me, Jacob and CS. No way, no how.

A Tale Of Two Fans

On Wednesday night, our air conditioning broke. And it was hot. We suffered through the morning until I took Jacob to the county health department to get his shot where it was blessedly air conditioned. Then we came back home to a 90 degree house. Jacob took a nap and afterwards we went to the neighbors pool. Which was not even cold, that's how hot we were. The repair guy was there fixing the unit when we got back from the pool and declared the problem a dirty filter and, lo, it was cool!

When we got back down to 75 degrees, the unit shut off and then it turned back on again it was not blowing cool air anymore. The fan on the outside unit wasn't turning so slowly the house crept back up to 82 degrees. CS went to get box fans but they didn't do much besides blow slightly cooler air around the bedroom and Jacob's room.

As of now, we're just waiting around for the repair man to come again. I think a trip to Walmart followed by Target followed by the mall might be in order. But someone has to be here to make sure they fix the problem. They better be sure to fix it this time. I'm not going through another day and night of hot air and sticky baby limbs.

Gators.

This weekend, we had a gator visitor. I got up early on Sunday thanks to someone named JACOB and we went outside to feed Hunter because he is obnoxious until he is fed. Then he's obnoxious till he's walked, but that's another story. So I unlocked the door and we stepped outside and I looked out to the creek and immediately spotted the lizard sunning himself on the far side of the yard. I quickly shooed the dog back inside and went to tell CS. He got up and got the dog food then went out to take some photos but the gator slipped back in to the water when CS walked around the house. We thought he'd be gone, like the last one who swam by and slipped underwater. But I looked out the window before I got in the shower and he was back, this time on the bank closer to the house. Really close, actually, to where we tie Hunter up when we leave him outside. CS, baby, and I went out to try and take more photos but CS's spy moves didn't conceal him and the gator jumped back into the water when it spotted CS. We left the house after that, leaving Hunter inside so as not to entice the gator with a large snack. We didn't get back until almost evening, but when CS got out of the truck he saw the gator sitting in the same spot as before. He's not been back since but I no longer believe the landlady about how she only saw two alligators in the two years she lived here. I've only been here a month and I've seen TWO! She must not have ever been home, or she would have seen a lot more, I suspect. I think I prefer the turtles that take over the banks.

Jacob's First Visit To An Abortion Clinic

I took the baby to an abortion clinic. Not on purpose! I have been getting BC pills from Planned Parenthood and I needed to get my file transfered from Colorado to Alabama. They told me to come in and sign a waver that they'd fax over then I could go get my pills. So I drove to the PP in town and as I pulled up I noticed that there were two older women out in front and they were holding signs. One woman started talking to me from the curb as I got Jacob out but I didn't really pay attention. Obviously, I wasn't there for an abortion or I wouldn't be holding a fat baby. So I walked up to the door, where a sign said "No bags or purses" but there wasn't a "NO BABIES" sign so I walked in. And the lady behind the glass started telling me that I can't bring a baby inside. There was a pregnant girl in the corner! So unless she was getting a really, really late term abortion (do they allow those?) then I feel like she had a baby too. So we left because I was not going to go put Jacob in his carseat in the truck and leave him to go fill out a form. And the crazies outside gave me information on "Natural Family Planning" and how it will save my marriage and allow me to have babies in God's time. Since I'm not married, I guess God probably doesn't want me to have any more babies. And I intend on taking a pill to keep that from happening because you can't do natural planning when you are breastfeeding. It doesn't work that way!

So I understand why they don't want babies in abortion clinics because the women getting them might feel terrible guilt over ending a baby's life. Although part of me thinks that if you can't look at a baby while you are waiting to get an abortion, DO NOT GET ONE. Because you will see babies for the rest of your life. And why do I have to go out of my way to make sure these women don't see babies? Planned Parenthood should have two doors, for those coming with non-abortion related issues. It's not like I have babysitting options. Can they mail my pills? How'd about some condoms and some Plan B?

One Is The Loneliest Number

I don't really like weekends anymore. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, when Jacob wakes up and gives me his sleepy grin, I think about how there will be no one to bring him to and we can laugh over his crazy bed climbing before getting up and making cappuccinos. There is no one to go for a walk with or make pancakes for me. I thought I was lonely in Colorado. It's worse now.

CS and I are living different lives. He sleeps till afternoon and goes to bed around 3 or 4 AM. I get up with Jacob and I go to bed shortly after he does. I still sleep alone, or with the baby. Everyday should be like a weekend, but there is no joy here. Jacob won't play with CS unless he takes him out of the room and away from me. Otherwise, he crawls over to me. I suspect he would do this to CS's parents as he always shot me looks of "I need you to play with me" whenever his mom took him from me. But now he can crawl so he goes where he pleases. But it doesn't help that CS is not around for most of the day. How can Jacob know him if he's not around? He loved my mom and didn't fight to get away from her. She could put him to sleep for me. But she was gone a lot when we were there. I think he associates her as a parent, and he doesn't see CS as one. It makes sense, my mom and I are very alike in our play with him. It doesn't help that CS had to leave for over two months.

It's hard being here and knowing what I am missing at home. I've looked into playgroups but I'm afraid to take the truck because CS might decide to get up and go look for a job. Our neighbor's are all older, so there aren't kids running around. The library here is so tiny, they don't have story time. Things might feel differently if I had my car here, I suppose. But we can't pay to get that out until we can pay the bills.

I hate knowing my mom is going to go get JBelle when I can't even convince CS to get out of bed and go look at garage sales for fun. I thought I was coming here to get away from the loneliness. I didn't know it was here, waiting for me all along.

Then I Called The Police

This afternoon I got up from the living room floor and walked to the kitchen sink to refill my water bottle. Above the sink is a window with a lovely view of the garage of the house next door. When I walked up to the sink, I looked out the window and noticed a man walking up the drive and this startled me because the house is empty. I don't think he saw me because I didn't have the lights in the kitchen on and he continued to walk up the drive and through the wrought iron gate to the back patio. I couldn't see what he did from there so I walked to my backyard and cracked the door to see and I saw him coming back toward the gate and he walked back down the drive and across the yard. I watched him walk down the street and go up a little hill into my neighbor's backyard and he didn't come back. I told Chris about it and said that maybe we should call the cops. He took a walk around the block but didn't see him so I called the police after he got back. After they got here, the same man walked out the front door of the house he went to and came down to talk to the cops. Where apparently he told them that he hadn't left the house all day. Obviously, this is a lie. But the cop told CS that he has quite a few screws lose and obviously he knew that someone reported him because why else would he come down the street to say that he hadn't left? I'm still a little skeeved out because I though an older man lived at the house and I watch too many Criminal Minds so I'm paranoid that he's an "unsub" and he's taken a nice older couple hostage and then I went and called the cops on him. Most likely, he's the handicapped son of an older couple and they didn't even know he left the house for a walk. But it's still a little unsettling to see a suspicious man walking around empty houses. Especially when I'm just a woman with a baby and no car but a very scary looking Lab.

Also, while this was happening, a man in a Direct TV van pulled in the the driveway of the empty house and sat there for a bit. He was there yesterday, and asked me at one point if i knew what street it was on. For a small point in time, I was convinced that crazy dude and Direct TV dude are thieves and they are breaking into empty houses. But when Direct TV guy pulled into the drive with his van and the cops walked over to talk to him, then pointed out that his tags were expired, I changed my theory. Unless he is a stupid criminal, no one is going to pull up next to cops and park their vehicle. I mean, he's an idiot anyway but I don't think he's out for looting.

So now I have a kind of weird neighbor and gators in my yard. Thank goodness I have a scary looking dog.

Thoughts On Living In The South

I saw a Confederate flag flying over a house down the street from me on my walk this morning. I'm hoping we never meet.

Every time I walk around the edge of the water in the backyard, I see a hungry alligator lunging out and snapping at my baby scenarios. Freaks me out!

There are black and orange grasshopper type bugs.

Lizards live in the South. Who knew?

Dirt roads in CO are better than paved roads here.

I live on Baratara, which is pronounced Bear-a-ter-ah and not bear-a tara.

I baked Smitten Kitchen's chocolate chip sour cream cake and either it was undercooked or I am going to have to adjust to cooking at a low altitude.

There are no Kroger's here. Or Whole Foods. I guess Winn-Dixie and Fresh Market will have to do.

Hunter was attacked by bugs and had hard, crusty bites around his eyes and on his snout.

I have been attacked by bugs and I have itchy spots on my legs and back. I blame the fact that our doors don't have seals on the bottom so all kids of creatures could get in. Hope it never floods!

Alabama has taken the swine flu news seriously and shut down schools. I think they are being idiots.

However, they have Blue Bell ice cream and so I forgive them for over-reacting. I'll probably home school Jacob anyways so who cares about school! Kidding. Mostly.

Huh?

Sooo, maybe I thought I updated on my plans and now I see I have not said a darn word about it. I bought a ticket to Alabama on the 18th, sort of as a b-day present for CS because that is his birthday and I couldn't be there to celebrate with him. So Jacob and I flew out on the 25th (which is Hunter's birthday) and we are now in the house CS procured for us. It's nice and when CS's mom ships my camera to me, I will post the pics. We have four room, although one is an office space, two living rooms, a dining room and a breakfast nook/space. We have NO furniture so it's been fun! Ok, I lie. We have two chairs, a coffee table and an end table. We are looking for a kitchen table, since I already have four chairs. The floors in the living room and kitchen are concrete so we moved a big rug from the sitting room into the living room for Jacob since he HAS LEARNED TO CRAWL.

Ya'll! My baby can crawl! So far the only beeline he's made is to the stereo in the corner of the living room. It has magic buttons! That open things! With loud noises! The first time he turned it on, he cried but then he got over that and now it's his favorite thing. Good thing he forgets things quickly. I only have a little more time before that's not an option anymore. Then I'll just be locking him in an empty room and throwing toys in occasionally.

The house has a big backyard with a creek running through it. Every time I walk past the edge, I internally freak out about alligators in the water. I try to avoid it most of the time, actually. Jacob will sit in the grass but he holds one leg up so it can't touch anything. It's pretty impressive. You try holding your leg up for ten minutes while you sit on the grass.

Jacob is also learning how to sleep in his crib all night long and this means I have to go to bed earlier but that I get more sleeping without worrying about falling off the bed or locked into one position. I kept hearing from other moms about how their one month olds still slept with them and I'm determined not to let that happen. Maybe if we had a king sized bed but I really like the idea of sleeping in our own beds. Heck, I'd sleep in my own bed now. I like sleeping alone but I like the option of having someone next to me.

Side note: CS is still looking for a job to tide us over until the LPR job starts in May (hoping). We find out tomorrow what is going on with two of the places he has gone to. So maybe tomorrow he will have something. Which would be good, as he's sitting in the chair next to me and grinning slyly while slowly opening a knife he just sharpened and it's kind of freaking me out. Boys are so odd.