Baby Baking

We had our first of the last OB appointments yesterday. Only four weeks left, which is an awful lot of time to get even.more.pregnant. But not a lot of time to get everything ready before this kid comes. 

I got the lovely test for Group B Strep out of the way, praying for the results to be negative so I don't have to have any antibiotics during labor. She went ahead and checked me and it's at a big fat ZERO so I think my hopes for a 37 week baby are out the window. 

Jacob had a good time, as she let him help her find the heartbeat with the doppler, right after he took Chris's blood pressure. I think she has a soft spot for Jacob as he once told her she looked so beautiful when she came in to the room a few months ago. He is kind of charming. 

I suppose I should make an appointment to go to the hospital and register, although I really wish I could just type in my information on the website and be done with it. I don't really care to see the rooms before hand, or watch any videos on the epidural, etc. This ain't my first rodeo, you know? I am not going to care one bit if the rooms are remodeled. As long as I have my own room, it's all good!

The hospital we are using offers a "complementary" take home meal to their patients for the first night home, which is really sweet, but I'm also thinking that it's not really free! But it is a Catholic hospital, so I suppose it could be in a sense.  All I'm hoping for is the chance to use the tub and a quick, get out of jail free pass after one night. No extended stay for us! I'm only taking a month off of work, I want as much time off as possible!

Baby Update

We had another ultrasound this morning after my Monday morning appointment revealed that I am measuring 34 cm while only being 31 weeks. My doctor isn't worried, but she does like to have a reason to schedule an ultrasound if she can. So off we went this morning.

Everything looks good, and baby was actually head down and I'm almost positive that was not the case earlier that morning. I felt like I was a punching bag on the drive to the Dr. Based on the measurements, baby is about 3 lbs. and 14 oz. which places it right in the middle of the spectrum. I have a lot of fluid in there though, about double the amount that they want to see, although it's not a bad thing to have more. At least, I don't think so! I'm not sure if there is anything they can do to take away from the amount of fluid. Or why they would need to do that.

The tech also made us look away as she found out the sex and I am almost positive that she slipped up and said "she" right after looking. She then told us she was going to check the legs and then the sex, but I think it was a cover-up. Chris refuses to play along with me, and I maintain that he knows we are having a girl. Especially since he keeps saying that he got his boy...

Plus, how cruel would it be to have a boy and not Elise the Police, as Jacob will not be able to wrap his mind around that one come June. Baby boy really wants his baby sister!

Still a Baby

We had our ultrasound this morning to do a size check on the baby. Everything is measuring perfectly, which is lovely, but really just points to me gaining a lot of weight rapidly!

Good job self, those cookies don't eat themselves.

According to the fancy measuring they do, baby is weighing around 2 pounds 3 ounces and has a lot of fluid to swim around in!

Side note: Did you know that amniotic fluid is BABY PEE?

You're welcome!! The human body is really gross.

We have quite a wiggly baby, or ultrasounds just make it angry, because as soon as the tech starts with the wand, baby does not stop moving. And now I can really feel those little kicks.

I'm going for a maternity photo shoot tomorrow morning, which will be really fun! We haven't done any pictures since Jacob was a little baby. But this time I'll make sure Chris doesn't have hat lines in his hair and Jacob only has one scratch on his face. Lucky for me, I don't have major purple acne yet, so I'll be looking good!

Baby's First Photo Shoot

I've had a huge roll of ultrasound photos for weeks (months) now and I never remembered to take photos of them to post. I wish all OB's would hand out a CD of the images, along with the paper copies, but I guess no one around here works like that. Chris did request an image of the baby using the 4-D equipment so you can see the baby's skinny arm and first curled around the face above. The images were kind of hard to see since the machine is much slower and the baby would not stop moving.

The regular black and white were pretty good though.

I feel the foot quite often. And I think it is sometimes lodged in my ribcage which gives me the sensation that I am not breathing normally. Fun times!

Another 4-D shot. The nose is so teeny tiny and I am almost thinking that this baby is not going to look like Chris and will look more like I did as a baby.

We have another ultrasound tomorrow, but I don't think it will be quite as long as the last one. We just have to get in and out without finding out the sex. Might be tricky at 27 weeks!

Drinking the Kool-aid

That's one more milestone down! The worst part of the glucose test is not actually drinking this. The worst part is living the rest of the day after fasting then chugging sugar and waiting a hour. I feel fine but then I get a headache. Tylenol just doesn't cut it when I have headaches, although sometimes I get lucky.

Today, I did not have time for a proper meal post appointment and McD's new Fruit and Maple Oatmeal is really, really terrible. But I needed to get to Target, Joann's, Natural Grocers, and drop Chris's lunch/wallet/Kindle off before leaving town in time for work. We made it with 2 minutes to spare and I was very thankful for my fridge packed full of leftovers.

So now I get to wait and see how the results turn out, although I believe it will all be fine!

Baby Numeral Dos

We went in for a check-up on Monday, just one day before the start of week 25. I like that my visits are less than 30 minutes, total, but it does make for a bit of a wasted day when I have to drive there and back. Not looking forward to those weekly visits that will be happening soon.

I've been feeling pretty good, and clearly eating very well, as I gained 16 pounds since my last visit! Oops. That puts my total weight for this pregnancy over 20 pounds, so I suppose I can expect to put on at least 40, again. It would have been nice to keep it lower, but it's just not possible to work out, take care of a baby, work, do everything else and be pregnant. Kudos if you can! Had I been pregnant in the summer time, I'd be much more likely to go for a walk. But when it's freezing cold, windy and/or snowing, I am just not that die hard.

Also, I remember a similar jump in weight with Jacob as well. The Dr. wasn't worried, although baby is also measuring a little bit, so she scheduled an ultrasound. More for the perk of an ultrasound over potential issues.

Tomorrow I get to go take the glucose test, which I am so not excited about. Mostly because I'm taking Jacob and the place we go is not geared toward children. I really miss my old OB's in AZ this time around, as they had a great set up. They did bloodwork in the office and I drank the glucose Kool-aid in the comfort of a large, squishy couch in front of a cartoon. I didn't even have a kid then!

Sadly, I haven't convinced Chris that we need to be back in AZ yet. Maybe someday, although we both prefer the South. Po'boys and amazing BBQ? SOLD. Plus, Chris is convinced he can catch a gator.

Anyways, I thought I should record something about this baby, as I did not invest in a Belly book for posterity. Even though I seem to have mis-placed both the Belly book AND Jacob's baby book in one of our many, many moves. This summer we may have to tear my mom's shed apart to find it!

Heartbeats

Jacob requested that I take his picture. He looks much too big and grown up. But at least he's wearing clothing. I'm not sure how he runs around naked when the house is about 59 degrees but he does. He's also taking his pants off at bedtime and sleeping in just a shirt. When he comes to my bad in the middle of the night, his little legs and bottom are ice cold and somehow he snuggles right into my back where my shirt is pulled up and my very warm skin is exposed. That might explain why I have a hard time sleeping at night, actually.

In non-Jacob related things, I had to bring Chris his disgusting can of chew to the hospital last night because he is a completely unable to remember to bring everything he might need for the day/night to work. At some point, I'm going to have to cut him loose and he'll have to suffer the consequences. However, last night when I stopped by the hospital, we asked one of his co-workers if we could use a Doppler to listen to the baby. She happily went and got one for us, and Chris got to find the heartbeat for the first time! It was very nice to have that little assurance since I'm no longer feeling like death to confirm that I am in fact still pregnant. The heartbeat was good and strong, somewhere in the 150-170 range.

And since that level falls under the lovely myth that I'm going to have a girl, it was a great night!

11 Weeks?

I don't actually have a good excuse to why I don't post often, but I can at least blame the fatigue, lack of enthusiasm, and most definitely the nausea on the tiny parasite I'm currently hosting. Also, the puking. Much more than last time, since last time had NONE and this time has more than 3. Did you know a toothbrush can make you throw up? I wish I didn't know that.


So we are now somewhere along 11 weeks, although I haven't gone to a doctor to confirm that since our insurance deductible is crazy high and having a baby costs something like 20K, so I'll keep all my office visits to one year, thank you. Even though it means I'm missing out on the first ultrasound when the baby has a really big head and teeny tiny arms. Chris and I like that part the most, since we can go around saying "I have a big head and little arms" a la this.

None of it seems real, in that I'm going to have another baby just when the first one got really easy! I'm not sure what we were thinking, but I'm sure it will all turn out fine.

10 Reasons Why Not

1) Jacob is still in diapers. Am not changing two butts all the livelong day.

2) My stomach is still a wreck. It's not as bas as it was last year but it's still stretched out and marked up. I'm not sure why I think I need to have a pretty belly to just ruin it again, but I do.

3) I'm failing at weaning. The night before last, Jacob was sitting on my lap and he nodded off while we watched TV. Instead of letting him fall asleep that way, I turned him around to nurse because it would make my night more comfortable. Seriously. I hate rock boobs. And I still make enough milk to feed a newborn army. (But not a vampire newborn army!)

4) Lack of insurance and or money to live. We are in no position to take care of the baby we have, much less add to it. This really should be #1.

5) I got Mirana a week ago and it's pretty silly to get that and want another baby. I'm keeping this sucker for at least 2 years. Unless it makes me crazy, as I hear it's capable of doing.

6) I'm enjoying one baby. He deserves to have time to be a baby. Not a sibling or a big brother. Just my baby.

7) Pregnancy wasn't really fun the first time around. It was easy, physically. But emotionally, it was awful. I was a wreck and irrational and worried all the time. Not that things are easier now, I just cope with them better. If only I'd known how bad things would get back when Jacob was born. Our life was a lot less troublesome then.

8) I'm getting married before I have another baby. Enough said.

9) I've noticed that having an older child around Jacob makes things a lot easier. I'm always wishing for a five year old. And next time, I will have one.

10) I say all this knowing that there is never a "right" time to have a baby. But there is definitely a wrong time and we are in the midst of that. Of course, I can't control my mama urges when I see a beautiful newborn baby but when I wake up from a dream where I was pregnant and panic? Not time for another baby!

Roll Over

Jacob officially rolled over today. He's done it before, but it was sort of an accident and he hadn't repeated it until tonight. So I guess those small snatches of "tummy time" have paid off. My boy can push up with his arms so his head it up and he can roll over. Bonus parent points for me. Now I just can't leave him alone on the changing table or the couch without being propped in place. Not that I would ever do either of those things on an hourly basis.

I went to Planned Parenthood today and got some more birth control pills. Rather convenient, I think. Of course, it's not as cheap as the co-pay on our old health insurance but twenty five is not bad for pills. Why can't they be free again? At least we won't be having no more babies for a while.

And on a side note, Colorado has a program for pregnant women. Moms on Medicaid. This would have been useful, oh about SIX MONTHS AGO.

147

I had my post partum appointment on Tuesday. It's only been four weeks, but since we're moving they got me in. Sadly, I did not get to say goodbye to my delivering doctor, but I'll get over it. The staff that was there cooed over Jacob and told me to stop bragging when I said I only pushed for an hour. But the best thing of all was when I got on the scale. And I weighed 147. Only 12 pounds more that my pre-pregnancy weight. I think my final weigh in at the office was somewhere in the 170 range. So 147? Sounds good to me!

Could It Be?

No. Still here. Maybe having contractions when I walk around, but I could blame that on lack of water and my new discovery of Braxton Hicks.

No baby. Ask tomorrow.

Fine, Just Stay There!

I had my last appointment at the office yesterday. I was writing a check to the front desk girl and I commented on how weird it was that I wouldn't be back for a while. She said they get that a lot.

I had a stress test on the baby, and everyone who walked in to check the little printout from the monitor commented on how active the baby is. I'm even having contractions. Who knew! Certainly not me. That's the kind of contraction I get behind. I forgot to ask how dilated I was, but I do know the Nurse Prac. had a really hard time getting to my cervix which means that the baby hasn't engaged much. So even though my belly has dropped remarkably, I'm still not quite there. Had the ultrasound tech been in, they would have done one to check the estimated size of the baby but no such luck. Not that it makes a difference. Still going to have a baby on Tuesday.

We check into the hospital at 9 PM and they will be putting Cervadil on my cervix to ripen it. I've been alternately stressing over the logistics of being induced and trying not to think about it. I don't understand how they can force a baby to be born with drugs when it's quite obviously saying "I'm not ready yet." It seems to me that would cause labor to be unnecessarily long and horrid for me. But my books and Chris assure me that applying Cervadil will ripen my cervix and the pitocin will jumpstart the contractions. Unfortunately, my books do not have all the information I want to know about being induced and I'm not about to Google that. I may be pregnant, but I'm not that crazy to subject myself to that. Thanks, Books. A whole lot of good you do me. I don't even want to owe What To Expect: The First Year.

In other news, I realized yesterday that I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions! Holy shit! Had no idea. Honestly. I've been telling my doctors for weeks that I'm not having any of those. But when I was driving home from the valley yesterday, I realized that this hardening of my belly was not the baby pushing against me but a real life contraction of some sort. Now I wonder how long I've been having them and been utterly clueless.

I'm going to be a fabulous mother, no?

39 Weeks.

The end is looming, ya'll. Oh my goodness. 39 weeks. Whatever happened to 25 and how very far away the end of August was?

No, I still don't want to talk about labor.

So I've been in weekly appointments for the past three weeks. My first check was soft but no dilating. Second check, soft but no dilating and the head was off to the side. Third check, soft and dilated to almost a one and the head was down on my cervix. Sweet, one centimeter down with no contractions. Score points for me! At my 37 week check, my Dr. told me that they would like to put down a date for inducement onto the books at the hospital in case I go over my due date and when I want to be done with pregnancy I can simply waddle down to Labor and Delivery and induce myself into having a baby. She said this wasn't something I had to stick to and I might go into labor on my own and not need it. But the hospital we are going to deliver in has fewer spots for inducement and they fill up quickly. So at 37 weeks, I told her I would think about it and let her know next time. I went home to CS and told him I wouldn't do it.

Then 38 weeks hit, and I am scheduled to be induced on the 2nd of September. Assuming I don't go into labor on my own before that time. Unlikely, considering that I'm only dilated to one and I've had no contractions. Zip. Not to mention the fact that my Doctor, very lovingly, put her hand on my belly and said "I just don't think you're going to have a small baby." SIGN ME UP. Ok, not really. Yes, I could protest that I want it to be all natural. That means a stress test every seventy two hours and I live an hour away from the office. They won't let me go past 41 weeks. Inducing on the 2nd is 40 weeks and 3 days. Or it's one week past 40 weeks if we go with my due date calculated on their little chart. But if we go from the Hobbs ultrasound, it's also my exact due date. How do you know? Do you demand that it's a natural thing? Or do you allow the "hitting the wall" feeling to convince you that you're done. It's been so long and you're just done.

I know part of my wanting to be done stems from all the stress I've had in the past few months. CS leaving his work, having to use Cobra, pinching pennies like you wouldn't believe, feeling trapped because we can't move until the baby comes, CS's job not working the way we need it to, fighting Cobra because they are the new bane of society. Pregnancy hasn't been a happy, glowing experience. I've been worried a lot, mostly about financial things. I can't contribute much since we live in a small town and finding a job to pay me better would be hard. We couldn't move or we'd lose our deposit on everything from the house to the electric and water. Just blow a grand? Maybe in the long run that might have been smarter, who knows? I can't predict the future. I never wanted to bring a baby into the world when I felt so out of control in my own life. So if they are pushing me to induce a little before it would naturally come around, maybe that's ok. Waiting to have the baby is what's holding us back from falling into a black hole of debt. CS can't leave me and I can't go further than one hour from the hospital right now. In a month, we can move. I am sad to leave, I like this little town and I think we could build a life here. But there is no work here. Not for me. Not for CS. And I have too much debt and he loves his truck too much for us to stay and eke out a future. Plus, there's a job in Denver. How nice it would be to go home for a while. Let our families get to know their newest edition. And make sure we don't raise a baby at sea level, because who would want that!

Naps Are For Babies

I've become sloth-like on the weekends. I don't get up for walks in the mornings, I let Hunter outside at 6 and go back to bed till 8:30. I lounge around the furniture, taking a nap in the afternoon for an hour. I try to avoid the stove. I get the house clean, although it's nowhere near deep clean. It feels very wrong to be so lax. Part of my brain tells me that I shouldn't be so exhausted at the end of the week. Come on, I sit at a desk all day. The other part of my brain, obviously the stronger part, tells me to take it easy. This is the last month I will have as a non-parent. After August, I will be in a mama to an infant who is going to demand a lot more of my strength and energy than anyone else ever has. Who cares if I don't get the carpets deep cleaned before baby is born. I need all the rest I can. Not only for what comes after labor, but because I'm also carrying around an extra 40 pounds on my body. (Ok, 38 but that's just for my peace of mind. I'm sure for everyone else, it's 40).

There is nothing pressing I need to get accomplished. The crib is set up, the pack and play is ready. I have ordered the cloth diapers and they are on their way. I need a dresser and a changing table pad and a diaper bag. Those involve a trip to Target and I have an appointment in the valley this week. I can't buy clothing until I know what I'm having. I'd make extra food and freeze it but I lack the energy and freezer space.

I'm 13 days away from my due date. THIRTEEN. Yet I have no premonition that I will have this baby before that day. I'm not dilated. Baby's head is not engaged. No contractions to speak of. No dropping. Just a soft cervix and the opportunity to schedule an induction. I will probably decline the offer to induce after 40 weeks. If we get to 41+ weeks, I will agree to one but not before that. I've thought all along that this baby would be born in September. I think it's proving me right.

Luckily, Cobra paperwork was sent out on Friday so we should be able to elect that by early next week. Just in time, too. I completely believe that was all in God's hands. Cobra's capable of dragging us through the ringer, but things are looking up. I'm going on a tour of the hospital this week. CS can't come because his job is sending him to Tucson for Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm not sure how that came about since I thought they were clear on the "No trips after the last trip because of the chance of LABOR" but they must think that Tucson doesn't count as "far away." I'm not worried, but I think CS has more apprehension about it. Labor is bound to be a long process because I've never had a baby. First babies don't fall out. But his concern is appreciated and well noted. However, if he's really concerned about us? Perhaps he could cook dinner on his days off. Standing that long is really too much for me.

I Think She Was Curious

I had my weekly appointment yesterday with my favorite doctor. The results of my internal exam are the same as the last two times. Soft but still no dilating. She explained to me that the baby's head needs to move down more to sit on top of my cervix, then I will be able to start dilating. My measurements are fine, I gained a pound, and my blood pressure is normal. She spoke to my stomach and told the baby to kick once if it's a girl and twice if it's a boy. Baby responded by shaking it's body. I take that as a firm "NO". My doctor? Took it as a reason to have an impromptu ultrasound.

Sure, sure, she claimed it was to make sure that the head was down like she thought it was. She said she liked to just slap on the ultrasound and confirm when there was an doubt. But when she gooped me up and found the head, she then zoomed around and found the neck, back, and the feet and hands. Then she made me look away while she checked the sex. Again, she claimed it was so she knew where to avoid, but I really think she just wanted to know. My doctor is the only person in the whole world who actually knows what I'm having! The injustice.

I must really not want to know, since I didn't even try to sneak a peak. It wasn't until later that I even thought about how I could know! Would make things so easy! Then the name picking wouldn't be such a process and maybe I could buy some sex appropriate clothing before hand. But no. I didn't cheat.

Baby looked good, the Dr. said. Head was down, although baby was laying on it's side with it's feet and hands on my right side. We could see it playing with the cord. Like my Dr. said "That is not a rattle!"

So far, so good. Hopefully I show some signs of progressing next week. The options for going over my due date are not enticing. Stress tests and induction. Whatever happened to give it two weeks? I also tested positive for group B strep so we will be stuck in the hospital for 48 hours after I deliver. CS is stoked because the hospital has flat screen TVs in every room. like he's going to want to watch TV. Honestly. Someone get that man a diaper and put him to work.

36 Weeks

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's me and you. Have you thought about this? This whole ludicrous idea that I'm actually going to have a baby, it's real? This can't be true. There's no baby, I just have a wriggly growth. It's making my feet swell and it makes walking around and standing a lot harder than it should be, but that's not a baby.

Honestly, have you thought about this? I sure haven't.

No, I don't have that magical bond some women get with their unborn children. This is not real to me. Yes, I would be devastated if I lost the baby; if something were to go wrong, I would re-act like a human does to tragedy. But this baby isn't a baby to me. Yes, it pokes me and I poke it back. I laugh when people try to feel movement and the baby stops moving, because baby never halts for me. I suppose we have out little "connection" but it's not based on reading children's books before bed or private conversations with my hands on my belly. This child's heard "fuck" more times in utero than it will ever hear in real life. Pregnancy has been a condition that I've had for months now, but the realization that is ends with a real baby is a little shocking to me.

I'm not scared, I know I can handle being a mother. I know I can make it through labor and delivery. Post-partum has me a little nervous, mostly because I've been so damn emotional. I can get my body back into shape, adjust to breastfeeding, and the lack of sleep.

I'm just having a hard time connecting the dots between being pregnant and being given a baby that my body has already been carrying. Because me and wiggle worm here? We've never met.

Making Girls Feel Pretty

The enormous belly and I had some fun this weekend when my co-worker came over to take pictures. CS joined in too, after I convinced him that he had time to shower and shave before she got to the house. Not like I hadn't warned him in advance. And boys claim to be so ready to go at any minute. Psh. I got ready faster than he did.

We took some really cute pictures. I also have about 25 shots of me looking confused or blank. I've had photo shoots before and they have always told me which way to look, or how to twist my body this way, and smile bigger. Both my lovely photographer and I realized later that we needed to pose the shot more than wait for it to just show up on it's own. Journalism does that to you, I suppose.

In any case, she took some great pictures that I will love to have further down the road. And it helped to have a day where I got to feel pretty again. Lord knows it's been a while since that happened.




Another co-worker of mine is going to do a photo shoot with me this weekend. We're going to get a little more risque and creative though!

Holy Cow! Sorta.

I went to my last two week appointment today. I technically don't go for another two weeks, August 6th, but after that I am going to be checking in weekly. At my last appointment, the Dr. told me that they wouldn't begin checking my cervix until August but the Dr. I saw today has a different policy and she starts checking in between 34 and 36 weeks. She donned the gloves and announced that I was definitely closed, but softening. I suppose that doesn't mean much because I'm not due till the end of August and it's not the end of July yet, so obviously I am not really that close. But it sure feels that way. Weeks are just flying by.

OH THIS: I asked her if they do any estimate of the baby's size and she said there isn't a foul-proof way but she can give an estimate. And her estimate? SIX POUNDS.

Holy mother of God. 6 pounds. And I have 5 weeks left? That better not translate into an eleven pound baby because NO WAY.

Good thing that whole weight thing is just an estimate. Or so I hope.

33 Weeks. Or Only 7 Weeks Left. Oh Mah Gawd.

Holy Cow! So this is actually in between 33 and 34 weeks. I count weeks out on Tuesdays, while my Doctors go with Fridays so I compromise and try to catch in the middle of those. Except I just remembered that today is Friday so it's technically 34 weeks. Which puts me at 6 weeks to go. Oh good lord.

I've discovered stretch marks on my lower stomach and I frequently tough my belly there and feel bad for my skin. I've never been sore there, my stomach pains are always in my upper belly. But I still feel bad for my poor stretched skin. It's broken!