After multiple attempts at the repair shop/oil change place, my heat is finally working. They had to run water through my heater coil to unblock it and now my engine is running hot enough to put heat into the car. It was awesome. I had to take my coat off in the car when it was 30 degrees outside. I cannot remember the last time that happened. I need new tires though. Badly!
Jacob is feeling better, I think. He's coughing a lot less but he still seems to think that he's owed a boob a lot more now. Cutting him off is so hard. It's so easy to let him nurse, especially early in the morning when we both need sleep but he needs to nurse himself to doze again. I need to start making him lay with me to fall asleep instead of nurse him in the rocker. I also need to get him to sleep through the night but that's a story for another time.
I'm applying for food stamps and the process is making me want to stab someone. There was a print out in the cubicle of the woman who entered my information that said "I ask you questions and enter them into a computer. Then the computer, not I, decides if you receive benefits or not based on your answers." So I know it's not her fault that I have to submit my bank statement with my full name and account number on it, as well as the past thirty days of transactions, and both full pages of my savings account. But damn if I don't hate her for this bullshit. It's practically a full time job just trying to apply for grocery money. And they want me to be looking for a job? Actually, the substitute application is another one of those tedious packets of nonsense for a glorified babysitter. No one needs a college degree to watch over a bunch of thirteen year olds. They need sticks and some duct tape. That is all.
(omg, I kid!) (Anyone who can deal with pre-teens has my undying admiration. I subbed for an 8th grade class and I caught at least one punk trying to look up my dress. No thank you.)
If only I could have stayed in New Mexico and gotten a position at the Freshman school there. They would have let me teach and go back to school within three years, I'm sure of it. Sometimes I still think about going back there but the barren wasteland of Hobbs is a huge deterrent. No Target for over an hour? No nice places to eat, shop, or play? No friends or family? The stink of oil country? I'm not sure a job is worth that yet.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wheezy
Jacob has bronchitis! Which is good because to treat it we just have to strip down and take steam baths. He's pretty happy for the most part, just needs a dose of two of Tylenol a day. Although last night he seemed to think that his bed was no good enough and he was WIDE AWAKE at 11:30 but fast asleep in my arms until I'd lay him back down. Repeat about four times I was about ready to chuck him in bed and start the cry it out method. Sick kids are trying to the last drop.
It also snowed this weekend which means that not only do I have a sick baby but I have a sick baby who cannot go outside for over two days. There is nothing better than outside to a baby. Except when he falls in snow and gets snow on his hands. Then his life sucks and he wants to go back in.
The other great thing about snow is that my 4-wheel drive on my car is broken along with the HEAT. Which is kind of important, I guess. When it's 19 degrees out and you have a baby with bronchitis. Or when you have irrational fears about getting stranded on the side of the road in a storm. We'd be pretty warm with our light jackets and fingerless gloves for about fifteen minutes. Not to mention that I don't go any farther from my house than 15 miles when it storms so I'm sure we will be safe no matter what. With the exception of the one bridge we drive over to get to Florence. It has me convinced that I need one of those tools to break the window and cut you free from seatbelts in case of an emergency and you can't just push the button. But now that I have Jacob I am terrified of falling into a river with my car and there will be no time to get him out of the car seat. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.
It also snowed this weekend which means that not only do I have a sick baby but I have a sick baby who cannot go outside for over two days. There is nothing better than outside to a baby. Except when he falls in snow and gets snow on his hands. Then his life sucks and he wants to go back in.
The other great thing about snow is that my 4-wheel drive on my car is broken along with the HEAT. Which is kind of important, I guess. When it's 19 degrees out and you have a baby with bronchitis. Or when you have irrational fears about getting stranded on the side of the road in a storm. We'd be pretty warm with our light jackets and fingerless gloves for about fifteen minutes. Not to mention that I don't go any farther from my house than 15 miles when it storms so I'm sure we will be safe no matter what. With the exception of the one bridge we drive over to get to Florence. It has me convinced that I need one of those tools to break the window and cut you free from seatbelts in case of an emergency and you can't just push the button. But now that I have Jacob I am terrified of falling into a river with my car and there will be no time to get him out of the car seat. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lighten Up! Or Brighten Up. Either Way!
Enough serious chatter for the moment and enjoy how far I come on my first quilt ever. I am totally in love with it and I want to sew up another one as soon as this one is finished.
That stack of fabric above turned into this:
And after that, it turned into THIS:
Behold, my lovely quilt top.
That stack of fabric above turned into this:
And after that, it turned into THIS:
Behold, my lovely quilt top.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Look Away! Trainwreck!
This has been a really strange weekend. One minute I feel normal and the next I'm fighting the urge to text CS and ask him if he's watching the really strange Olympic sport I never knew existed (men on skis stopping to shoot at targets) and then I remember I'm not supposed to do that anymore. I've never initiated the break up, merely been the one to watch it fall apart and powerless to stop it. I don't like it much on this side of things either.
I packed on Friday and took my first load of boxes to my mom's while CS slept. He must not have known I had started packing until he got out of bed around 6 PM. He was angry I was leaving and I was angry he had been at the bar the night before with someone who was not me. He denies that he was there with her and while there is evidence against that, I do believe that he wasn't cheating on me physically but he was certainly in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong person. He did not need to be at the bar for the third time that week when I was at home, putting our son to bed. His life is not so stressful that he needs to get out of the house for a beer that often. Our life is stressful, granted, but buying beer with a credit card is not the way to solve our problems.
He thinks I left because I wanted out and finding him at the bar, next to a woman, is just my excuse and I've spun a story of lies to make it ok for me to go. To be clear, I didn't leave just because I found him at the bar and thought he might be cheating on me. I left for much more than that. I left because we can't communicate anymore and any attempts are through text messaging and a chorus of "whatever" and "nothing." He and I haven't gone to sleep together on a regular basis in over a year. He stays up all night and sleeps all day while I get up and take care of Jacob and try to cobble some sort of normal life out of pennies. I know the economy is hard and his trade isn't in high demand here but that is no excuse for what he's done when he isn't working. I no longer understand his motive and I lacked the energy to pour myself into building him up. I do not understand low self-esteem but I know that I cannot make him have it. I'm sure it's hard not to be able to provide for your family but giving up is not an option.
We've moved into my mom's now and things are somewhat settled. It's so surreal to me to be here. I keep forgetting that this shit really happened and now I have to retrain myself to be alone. There is no one to sit next to in silence as we watch TV. There is no one around when I put jacob to bed at 10 PM. It's quiet and dim and all there is to do is go to bed. I've forgotten what it's like to be alone. Even though I'm choosing this, there is no joy here. I am still broken.
I packed on Friday and took my first load of boxes to my mom's while CS slept. He must not have known I had started packing until he got out of bed around 6 PM. He was angry I was leaving and I was angry he had been at the bar the night before with someone who was not me. He denies that he was there with her and while there is evidence against that, I do believe that he wasn't cheating on me physically but he was certainly in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong person. He did not need to be at the bar for the third time that week when I was at home, putting our son to bed. His life is not so stressful that he needs to get out of the house for a beer that often. Our life is stressful, granted, but buying beer with a credit card is not the way to solve our problems.
He thinks I left because I wanted out and finding him at the bar, next to a woman, is just my excuse and I've spun a story of lies to make it ok for me to go. To be clear, I didn't leave just because I found him at the bar and thought he might be cheating on me. I left for much more than that. I left because we can't communicate anymore and any attempts are through text messaging and a chorus of "whatever" and "nothing." He and I haven't gone to sleep together on a regular basis in over a year. He stays up all night and sleeps all day while I get up and take care of Jacob and try to cobble some sort of normal life out of pennies. I know the economy is hard and his trade isn't in high demand here but that is no excuse for what he's done when he isn't working. I no longer understand his motive and I lacked the energy to pour myself into building him up. I do not understand low self-esteem but I know that I cannot make him have it. I'm sure it's hard not to be able to provide for your family but giving up is not an option.
We've moved into my mom's now and things are somewhat settled. It's so surreal to me to be here. I keep forgetting that this shit really happened and now I have to retrain myself to be alone. There is no one to sit next to in silence as we watch TV. There is no one around when I put jacob to bed at 10 PM. It's quiet and dim and all there is to do is go to bed. I've forgotten what it's like to be alone. Even though I'm choosing this, there is no joy here. I am still broken.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Nothing But A Heartbreak Town
Tonight, after I put Jacob in his Pj's and brushed his teeth and rocked his sturdy body to sleep, I went to the bar.
I went to the bar to find CS.
And I did. Even though he left at 8 PM to go on a fire call. He was there.
Having a beer.
Talking to a woman who I do not know. I didn't ask who she was. Maybe she's no one. Or maybe she's someone he was with last night, when I woke up at 4 AM to let the crying dog out and CS wasn't there. I don't know. It doesn't really matter.
It's over now.
I've glossed over my relationship with him so much in the past because he reads this and I never wanted to air dirty laundry to everyone. But this is for me. So that I can't pretend I didn't walk in to a bar and see the man I agreed to have a baby with, the man I thought I'd marry, have more babies with, grow old with, sitting with another woman and knowing I had no idea what he could have been doing. I should have though. A man who goes to the bar and buys alcohol when he can't put food on the table for his son is clearly not a good man. A man who spends the day in bed, only getting up to go to class followed by the bar is not a good daddy. I do not know the man I've been sleeping next to and that scares me to death.
So I went back to the house, and started to slowly and quietly pack our things. He's not said a word to me and I don't expect him to come back until the early morning hours, if he does at all.
I deserve better than this. Jacob deserves more than this.
I went to the bar to find CS.
And I did. Even though he left at 8 PM to go on a fire call. He was there.
Having a beer.
Talking to a woman who I do not know. I didn't ask who she was. Maybe she's no one. Or maybe she's someone he was with last night, when I woke up at 4 AM to let the crying dog out and CS wasn't there. I don't know. It doesn't really matter.
It's over now.
I've glossed over my relationship with him so much in the past because he reads this and I never wanted to air dirty laundry to everyone. But this is for me. So that I can't pretend I didn't walk in to a bar and see the man I agreed to have a baby with, the man I thought I'd marry, have more babies with, grow old with, sitting with another woman and knowing I had no idea what he could have been doing. I should have though. A man who goes to the bar and buys alcohol when he can't put food on the table for his son is clearly not a good man. A man who spends the day in bed, only getting up to go to class followed by the bar is not a good daddy. I do not know the man I've been sleeping next to and that scares me to death.
So I went back to the house, and started to slowly and quietly pack our things. He's not said a word to me and I don't expect him to come back until the early morning hours, if he does at all.
I deserve better than this. Jacob deserves more than this.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Children Are Awful
I've been taking Jacob down the street to this little park since we moved in to our "Apartment" since Hunter likes to go for walks and Jacob loves slides. I forgot it was there before and I was never around much so it went unnoticed until now. It has swings on one side, a basketball court and a jungle gym on the other. There are almost always kids there, even in the middle of the day. The other morning, I went by after a walk and two kids came up to Jacob's stroller to play with the car parts then took off a few minutes later, not saying a word to either of us. But the thing that gets me are the tween kids who play there and seem to think that because their parents let them play unsupervised that they can spout off whatever vile nonsense they want. It's really not ok to be screaming the F-bomb when a toddler is trying to go down the slide. I'm really not that anal about what people allow their kids to say but it crosses a line with a bunch of thirteen year olds want to scream obscenities in front of babies. So I put on my Teacher Voice and yelled across the park to them. One boy said "no" and the girls told him to "hush" so it's nice to know I still have the "touch." I don't have a clue who the kids belong to but they don't need to know that.
Are kids like this all over? Or just in my small town where parents let their children run free and not worry about them getting into trouble? Are all tweens this disrespectful?
Are kids like this all over? Or just in my small town where parents let their children run free and not worry about them getting into trouble? Are all tweens this disrespectful?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
10 Reasons Why Not
1) Jacob is still in diapers. Am not changing two butts all the livelong day.
2) My stomach is still a wreck. It's not as bas as it was last year but it's still stretched out and marked up. I'm not sure why I think I need to have a pretty belly to just ruin it again, but I do.
3) I'm failing at weaning. The night before last, Jacob was sitting on my lap and he nodded off while we watched TV. Instead of letting him fall asleep that way, I turned him around to nurse because it would make my night more comfortable. Seriously. I hate rock boobs. And I still make enough milk to feed a newborn army. (But not a vampire newborn army!)
4) Lack of insurance and or money to live. We are in no position to take care of the baby we have, much less add to it. This really should be #1.
5) I got Mirana a week ago and it's pretty silly to get that and want another baby. I'm keeping this sucker for at least 2 years. Unless it makes me crazy, as I hear it's capable of doing.
6) I'm enjoying one baby. He deserves to have time to be a baby. Not a sibling or a big brother. Just my baby.
7) Pregnancy wasn't really fun the first time around. It was easy, physically. But emotionally, it was awful. I was a wreck and irrational and worried all the time. Not that things are easier now, I just cope with them better. If only I'd known how bad things would get back when Jacob was born. Our life was a lot less troublesome then.
8) I'm getting married before I have another baby. Enough said.
9) I've noticed that having an older child around Jacob makes things a lot easier. I'm always wishing for a five year old. And next time, I will have one.
10) I say all this knowing that there is never a "right" time to have a baby. But there is definitely a wrong time and we are in the midst of that. Of course, I can't control my mama urges when I see a beautiful newborn baby but when I wake up from a dream where I was pregnant and panic? Not time for another baby!
2) My stomach is still a wreck. It's not as bas as it was last year but it's still stretched out and marked up. I'm not sure why I think I need to have a pretty belly to just ruin it again, but I do.
3) I'm failing at weaning. The night before last, Jacob was sitting on my lap and he nodded off while we watched TV. Instead of letting him fall asleep that way, I turned him around to nurse because it would make my night more comfortable. Seriously. I hate rock boobs. And I still make enough milk to feed a newborn army. (But not a vampire newborn army!)
4) Lack of insurance and or money to live. We are in no position to take care of the baby we have, much less add to it. This really should be #1.
5) I got Mirana a week ago and it's pretty silly to get that and want another baby. I'm keeping this sucker for at least 2 years. Unless it makes me crazy, as I hear it's capable of doing.
6) I'm enjoying one baby. He deserves to have time to be a baby. Not a sibling or a big brother. Just my baby.
7) Pregnancy wasn't really fun the first time around. It was easy, physically. But emotionally, it was awful. I was a wreck and irrational and worried all the time. Not that things are easier now, I just cope with them better. If only I'd known how bad things would get back when Jacob was born. Our life was a lot less troublesome then.
8) I'm getting married before I have another baby. Enough said.
9) I've noticed that having an older child around Jacob makes things a lot easier. I'm always wishing for a five year old. And next time, I will have one.
10) I say all this knowing that there is never a "right" time to have a baby. But there is definitely a wrong time and we are in the midst of that. Of course, I can't control my mama urges when I see a beautiful newborn baby but when I wake up from a dream where I was pregnant and panic? Not time for another baby!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A Quilting Bee
I'm going to be making a quilt the next few weeks. It's not really a quilting bee, it's a quilt-along but since my fabric has bees on it I feel justified in saying so.
This is the back of the quilt. I wasn't sure what fabric I was going to use when I went to pick it out but it caught my eye instantly and I love it! Also, the place I got the fabric from? A REAL LIVE ETSY STORE! I think my personal heaven is going to be a room full of bolts of fabric.
The woman who is hosting the quilt-along is Randi and she's from this area. I used to see her every week at the library when her youngest came for craft time. I was completely smitten with her daughter as she was, and still is, adorable. I think I actually still have a magnet from work with her picture in it. I can't say the library was all bad, since it introduced me to lots of wonderful people.
This is the fabric I chose for the binding and you can see the bees here. There is also a blue fabric with the same pattern that I had to throw in as well.
I washed, dried, and ironed all the fabric the other day. It's sitting in my coat closet, neatly folded and waiting to be cut into rectangles. I need to pick up some white fabric for the squares as well as the batting and a walking foot. It's just kismet that I found Randi right after I decided that I was going to make a quilt with my Christmas money. I am so excited!
In other crafty news, I made curtains for Jacob's room out of two receiving blankets. I never once used my receiving blankets. I have stacks of them and they are just going to waste. So I cut up two that match his crib decor and quickly sewed them into a rough curtain. My camera wasn't shooting well into the light of the sun so it's a bit dark but you get the idea. I also hemmed a curtain for a vertical window into a horizontal window curtain for my bedroom and I'm pleased that I can now have sunlight in both rooms!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Rough And Tumble
Jacob has been into climbing lately. Up chairs and down them. Over the side of my chair downstairs into my lap. Up on the table. Trying to climb out of the crib. Going up ladders at the playground. Falling down slides.
Courtesy of this new found obsession are lumps, bumps, and bruises. He went down a covered slide today and I couldn't catch him in time because I didn't know he was going down it. The bottom doesn't flatten out enough and he shot right out the end and landed in gravel, chin first. This morning, he fell between two chairs and hit his forehead, creating a nice thin bruise.
I'm getting scared of what he can get himself into. He no longer wants to be strapped into his seat at the table. He signs "all done" and whines until he is released to climb up and down. He sticks his fingers in furnace grates and cries because they get stuck. He wants to climb on the counter tops and run into the streets. He shocked himself this morning with the cord to his humidifier. I've been telling him for days to stop messing with it, spanking him when he does it again. I think he'll leave it alone now.
This is the Trouble with Boys. Girls must be less curious than this. Right?
Courtesy of this new found obsession are lumps, bumps, and bruises. He went down a covered slide today and I couldn't catch him in time because I didn't know he was going down it. The bottom doesn't flatten out enough and he shot right out the end and landed in gravel, chin first. This morning, he fell between two chairs and hit his forehead, creating a nice thin bruise.
I'm getting scared of what he can get himself into. He no longer wants to be strapped into his seat at the table. He signs "all done" and whines until he is released to climb up and down. He sticks his fingers in furnace grates and cries because they get stuck. He wants to climb on the counter tops and run into the streets. He shocked himself this morning with the cord to his humidifier. I've been telling him for days to stop messing with it, spanking him when he does it again. I think he'll leave it alone now.
This is the Trouble with Boys. Girls must be less curious than this. Right?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
To Recap
We are mostly settled in now. I mopped the floors today for the first time, so I guess it's official. There wasn't any reason to mop before since they'd just get dirty until we were all set up. I need to sew up some curtains for Jacob's room and get a few rugs or a large area carpet and it will be a lot cozier. It's chilly having bare floors in a basement in wintertime!
Having three large, shedding, dark furred dogs means that there are constantly dog hair dust bunnies. They breed at night, I'm sure of it.
The night before last, Jacob slept in his crib from 11 PM to 7 AM. Without waking. And that, my friends, is probably the longest stretch of sleep I have had without him tucked next to me since he was in the womb. I woke up at 6:15 and realized that I had never pulled the crib side up and I was afraid he would get up and fall out so I had to get up and fix it. Plus, I wanted to make sure he was still breathing, since he had a cold this week and we spent two nights of him not sleeping because he couldn't breathe out of his nose. Sadly, this was not a repeat occurrence last night. Even though I remembered to keep his crib side up. Maybe I should go put it down right now!
CS made arrangements to keep his truck for the time being. Ford has agreed to look into refinancing it and if they can't make his payments low enough to be affordable, then he's going to trade it in for something we can actually pay. It's a relief to know that we will no longer have this huge payment every month.
Jacob broke my phone on Friday. I stupidly let him take it from the table at my mom's house and was right next to him when he dipped it into the dog's water. I got it out and dried it off but I didn't take the battery off and later that night it wouldn't turn on. I let it sit in rice for a few days, and it actually turned on and worked twice but it was short lived. I took it to Verizon and they put a new battery in but it just kept shorting out. I have an upgrade on our account but they just changed their plans and I would have to pay an extra $10 a month to get the same phone because it's Internet capable and they are trying to turn a profit. Not that they need one, since cell phone companies are the Devil's minions but this is America, I guess. My phone had no water damage so I paid $50 for a new one and hopefully my old battery is not dead. If it is, then I have to get a new battery and then I will have to keep my phone under lock and key and in a zip lock bag at all times. I do not understand why I cannot keep a Verizon phone longer than six months. I never had any problems with my AT&T phones but something about Verizon phones just begs for disaster. This is why CS has the insurance on his line. I'm pretty sure he's gotten him money out of that deal, a couple of times.
CS is supposed to be starting a new job this week, we'll see how that goes. I'm worried that he's going from one badly paying job to another but they are paid by the government, so there is some hope. He still hasn't been paid for December and the biggest problem with that is that they claimed he was paid so we will be taxed on income we didn't receive unless it's fixed or paid. I'm all for turning them in for tax evasion or fraud and maybe some light breaking and entering to take equipment and pawn it but I'm sure CS wouldn't let me do it. He's no fun, that man. And clearly, I get my revenge tactics from my father. Also the ability to carry a grudge and curly blonde hair.
I'm baking a cake right now and it's supposed to be finished and the center looks like batter so I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble. It's a chocolate stout cake and I really hate the thought of throwing out a perfectly good beer cake. Plus, we're out of chocolate so I'm pretty desperate at this point. Cakes are like brownies, right? You want them undercooked! No?
Darn.
Having three large, shedding, dark furred dogs means that there are constantly dog hair dust bunnies. They breed at night, I'm sure of it.
The night before last, Jacob slept in his crib from 11 PM to 7 AM. Without waking. And that, my friends, is probably the longest stretch of sleep I have had without him tucked next to me since he was in the womb. I woke up at 6:15 and realized that I had never pulled the crib side up and I was afraid he would get up and fall out so I had to get up and fix it. Plus, I wanted to make sure he was still breathing, since he had a cold this week and we spent two nights of him not sleeping because he couldn't breathe out of his nose. Sadly, this was not a repeat occurrence last night. Even though I remembered to keep his crib side up. Maybe I should go put it down right now!
CS made arrangements to keep his truck for the time being. Ford has agreed to look into refinancing it and if they can't make his payments low enough to be affordable, then he's going to trade it in for something we can actually pay. It's a relief to know that we will no longer have this huge payment every month.
Jacob broke my phone on Friday. I stupidly let him take it from the table at my mom's house and was right next to him when he dipped it into the dog's water. I got it out and dried it off but I didn't take the battery off and later that night it wouldn't turn on. I let it sit in rice for a few days, and it actually turned on and worked twice but it was short lived. I took it to Verizon and they put a new battery in but it just kept shorting out. I have an upgrade on our account but they just changed their plans and I would have to pay an extra $10 a month to get the same phone because it's Internet capable and they are trying to turn a profit. Not that they need one, since cell phone companies are the Devil's minions but this is America, I guess. My phone had no water damage so I paid $50 for a new one and hopefully my old battery is not dead. If it is, then I have to get a new battery and then I will have to keep my phone under lock and key and in a zip lock bag at all times. I do not understand why I cannot keep a Verizon phone longer than six months. I never had any problems with my AT&T phones but something about Verizon phones just begs for disaster. This is why CS has the insurance on his line. I'm pretty sure he's gotten him money out of that deal, a couple of times.
CS is supposed to be starting a new job this week, we'll see how that goes. I'm worried that he's going from one badly paying job to another but they are paid by the government, so there is some hope. He still hasn't been paid for December and the biggest problem with that is that they claimed he was paid so we will be taxed on income we didn't receive unless it's fixed or paid. I'm all for turning them in for tax evasion or fraud and maybe some light breaking and entering to take equipment and pawn it but I'm sure CS wouldn't let me do it. He's no fun, that man. And clearly, I get my revenge tactics from my father. Also the ability to carry a grudge and curly blonde hair.
I'm baking a cake right now and it's supposed to be finished and the center looks like batter so I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble. It's a chocolate stout cake and I really hate the thought of throwing out a perfectly good beer cake. Plus, we're out of chocolate so I'm pretty desperate at this point. Cakes are like brownies, right? You want them undercooked! No?
Darn.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
We're Moving!
On Friday night, it was decided that we would start moving into CS's brother's house over the weekend. We've been waiting for this for a while and finally everyone is participating in making it happen. We got all the things we "need" out of storage and moved them into the basement of the house. We have two bedrooms, a living room, and a full bathroom to ourselves. We're going to be sharing the kitchen but I think we can handle this. Hunter gets to come live with us and he's going to go insane with joy over the fact that there are other dogs to play with. I'm going to have to put up a baby gate so he can't spend all day upstairs with them.
Right now there is no carpet in the rooms but we have one rug and we'll try to get something else for both Jacob's room and the living room. The windows are tiny and almost on the ceiling because it's a basement but it's ok. It's better than how we are living now. Even with a fully furnished house. At least I can leave the house without obsessing about whether or not I picked up all Jacob's toys or left my shoes by the door. Jacob can have his own room with all his toys to play with. The biggest downside is that there is no cable at the moment. I'll have to get ours turned back on soon, since the six month suspension is up soon and we can probably handle that bill with the others. I just had a problem paying for someone else to use our cable.
I'm going to set up my sewing machine in the living room since I'm going to be starting a quilt-along with a blogger who lives in Fremont County. We met when I worked at the library but I had no idea she blogged until my mom showed me her Etsy shop. Perfect timing as I was already planning on making a quilt with my Christmas money I was sure to get.
Things are all coming up roses here, though. Friday night, after CS and I got back from Pueblo, he discovered a tow truck outside his parent's house. He parked his truck behind the house we are going to live in and walked back to his parent's just in time for the repo man to get to the door. His dad talked to him and bought him some time to figure out what he needs to do to keep the truck. I'm at a dilemma in that I know we cannot afford his truck anymore but I know how much it means to him and how much he has used it for all the jobs he's had. His idiot boss flaked on him when CS called on Friday night to see if he could help him LIKE HE PROMISED and his boss said no, he wasn't able to do that as he almost got stuck in OH without any money. CS is thinking about taking out a loan for school to help him out but I'm worried since we already have so much debt, we don't need any new debt and if he doesn't get his payments lowered then we will be back in the same place in a few months. Plus, he hasn't worked since December 17th and he hasn't gotten paid since November 30th. We're kind of in the lowest place ever, and I have no idea what we'll do next.
I have to say that we are also terribly lucky at the same time. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm able to type about this tragedy of no money and no work but I also stay at home with Jacob and enjoy a normal lifestyle. I still have my car and my laptop and my cell phone. I am lucky but I know there are others who are not.
Right now there is no carpet in the rooms but we have one rug and we'll try to get something else for both Jacob's room and the living room. The windows are tiny and almost on the ceiling because it's a basement but it's ok. It's better than how we are living now. Even with a fully furnished house. At least I can leave the house without obsessing about whether or not I picked up all Jacob's toys or left my shoes by the door. Jacob can have his own room with all his toys to play with. The biggest downside is that there is no cable at the moment. I'll have to get ours turned back on soon, since the six month suspension is up soon and we can probably handle that bill with the others. I just had a problem paying for someone else to use our cable.
I'm going to set up my sewing machine in the living room since I'm going to be starting a quilt-along with a blogger who lives in Fremont County. We met when I worked at the library but I had no idea she blogged until my mom showed me her Etsy shop. Perfect timing as I was already planning on making a quilt with my Christmas money I was sure to get.
Things are all coming up roses here, though. Friday night, after CS and I got back from Pueblo, he discovered a tow truck outside his parent's house. He parked his truck behind the house we are going to live in and walked back to his parent's just in time for the repo man to get to the door. His dad talked to him and bought him some time to figure out what he needs to do to keep the truck. I'm at a dilemma in that I know we cannot afford his truck anymore but I know how much it means to him and how much he has used it for all the jobs he's had. His idiot boss flaked on him when CS called on Friday night to see if he could help him LIKE HE PROMISED and his boss said no, he wasn't able to do that as he almost got stuck in OH without any money. CS is thinking about taking out a loan for school to help him out but I'm worried since we already have so much debt, we don't need any new debt and if he doesn't get his payments lowered then we will be back in the same place in a few months. Plus, he hasn't worked since December 17th and he hasn't gotten paid since November 30th. We're kind of in the lowest place ever, and I have no idea what we'll do next.
I have to say that we are also terribly lucky at the same time. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm able to type about this tragedy of no money and no work but I also stay at home with Jacob and enjoy a normal lifestyle. I still have my car and my laptop and my cell phone. I am lucky but I know there are others who are not.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Why Health Insurance Is On My To Do List
Jacob took a three hour plus nap this afternoon. He needed it, as he woke me up before 8 AM this morning. He slept for two hours in bed, then when he woke up crying I got him and rocked him back to sleep. He slept on me while I watched DVRed Desperate and Ellen for an hour or so. After my arm was numb and the shows were over, I got up and he continued to sleep in the arm chair, resting his upper body on the arm rest and turning his head every so often. He didn't wake when I took his picture nor when my cell phone rang and I left the room to take the call from the Family Planning Services as they informed me that I had an abnormal Pap and I tested positive for HPV. Which means I technically have an STD! And I've been tested for those. MORE THAN ONCE. Not because I am excessively trampy, but because I think it's smart to test and clearly I just proved myself correct. I have never had an abnormal pap and I've been tested since I was 16 or so. I've had at least two STD screenings and possibly a third. And all of them since I started seeing CS. If it wasn't clear before, CS and I are in a committed monogamous relationship so there should be no surprises here. Although he tells me that HPV can sit and hide for a long time without being detected and if that's true then I'm going to be pretty disappointed that I do not get to blame someone. Specifically, I want to be able to point at CS and bemoan the fact that he gave me an STD because I'm mean like that. (Also, KIDDING about blaming, in case sarcasm doesn't come across.) (Not really sorry, because if it's not him then I have no idea who to blame.)
So now I have to go in for a colposcopy, which means I need to get on Medicaid because I don't have an extra $300 lying around for someone to stick a large magnifying glass into my lady bits and check for cells. If I did have an extra $300, CS would either take it for his truck payment or I would have to buy new tires and the part to fix my 4-wheel drive. So, healthcare! I need it, and so does Jacob. I guess it's good to have a reason to finally fill out the paperwork, instead of putting it off until something major comes up again. I am the mother of a very strong willed, active little boy. Who has a tendency to mess around on the stairs in a very dangerous manner lately.
The good news is that it's early and this is still mostly precaution and that the strain of HPV showing up is generally defeated by your body in two years. I'm annoyed that I have to deal with it, but I'm not scared of it. I wish I had insurance, as this is going to make my "pre-existing conditions" a pain in the future but maybe soon we won't have to deal with such nonsense.
I hope you will think of me and say a prayer or send good thoughts. It's never fun to think of something lurking in your body and not being able to just have it taken away with a pill or cream or waiting it out.
So now I have to go in for a colposcopy, which means I need to get on Medicaid because I don't have an extra $300 lying around for someone to stick a large magnifying glass into my lady bits and check for cells. If I did have an extra $300, CS would either take it for his truck payment or I would have to buy new tires and the part to fix my 4-wheel drive. So, healthcare! I need it, and so does Jacob. I guess it's good to have a reason to finally fill out the paperwork, instead of putting it off until something major comes up again. I am the mother of a very strong willed, active little boy. Who has a tendency to mess around on the stairs in a very dangerous manner lately.
The good news is that it's early and this is still mostly precaution and that the strain of HPV showing up is generally defeated by your body in two years. I'm annoyed that I have to deal with it, but I'm not scared of it. I wish I had insurance, as this is going to make my "pre-existing conditions" a pain in the future but maybe soon we won't have to deal with such nonsense.
I hope you will think of me and say a prayer or send good thoughts. It's never fun to think of something lurking in your body and not being able to just have it taken away with a pill or cream or waiting it out.
Monday, January 04, 2010
2009: Glad It's Over
This is going around my feed reader and though I am loathe to return to the Myspacey meme, it's not a bad way to keep track of the year.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? I didn't have a job that paid me a salary. My job was mama and I'm surprised how well it suited me. I thought I'd miss working.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did not make any resolutions and I have not planned any for this year. I've never been much for making them on January 1st.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother's wife. They had their baby boy in October, and I've yet to meet him. I hope they come to visit soon!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, we've been fortunate.
5. What countries did you visit? The South.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Sadly, money. CS didn't get paid in December because he works for the worst employer in the world. Only a total shithead would not pay his workers before Christmas.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Jacob turning one. CS proposing on Christmas morning.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally trying to get in shape after having Jacob. I realized that I needed to do a lot of work on my body right before he turned one and I'm happy with my size now. I still need to work on it, but I fit into my clothes again!
9. What was your biggest failure? Not investing enough time into finding something for me to do to contribute to our finances. We can't afford for me to not work, but I cannot put Jacob in Daycare.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only a few minor colds and one bad case of eczema.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A new phone. I was so sick of old, broken hand-me-downs and I am so happy with my new one. I just need it to last two years.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom. She's the only reason that I have been able to pay my bills on time the last six months. I feel horrible for needing so much of her help financially and I'm so grateful for how gracious she has been about it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? CS's bosses. I have never been more disgusted with anyone as I have been at them. I want to take Jacob over to his house and demand that he apologize for not paying CS and ruining Christmas for a child.
14. Where did most of your money go? CS's truck. And moving three times.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving to Alabama. I was so looking forward to being there and I am still depressed that we didn't get to stay.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009? "I'm Yours" by Jason Marz. It's a magic song! Jacob loves it and it can always calm him down or put him to sleep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? The same.
b) thinner or fatter?Thinner
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking pictures and writing more letters.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worried about money. It's so consuming of my life. I wake up in the middle of the night and start calculating what we have and what is due and what we can't pay this month. It's stressful and I hate it but unless I get a job, there isn't much I can do to change it.
20. How did you spend Christmas? We stayed at my mom's house and opened presents there before sitting down to eat dinner. I got to make it for the first time ever and I loved it! We went to CS's grandma's afterwards and opened presents at his house before playing games and eating dinner.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Glee. I just love it!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I hate CS's boss.
24. What was the best book you read? I re-read a lot of books this year that I have packed away over the years. But "The Help" was certainly the best NEW one I read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I suspect that Kings of Leon would be if I could have downloaded the CD that Audrey sent me months ago.
26. What did you want and get? A second bowl for my KitchenAid, a Product(RED) water bottle and iTunes cards.
27. What did you want and not get? A juicer for my mixer, a house of my own.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? I have seen so few movies this year, so I am not qualified to answer this. Both Harry Potter and New Moon disappointed me. Although I did watch Harry Potter 3 times in 24 hours, so maybe that helps.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26 and we had dinner at my mom's house. I made the Car Bomb cupcakes. We had a 2nd dinner at CS's house and I made peach cupcakes that were not as good.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry about whether or not CS had a job, or if we were going to get paid on time, or if there was an end in sight of debt and living with parents.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Rediscovering clothes that have been in storage for the past two years.
32. What kept you sane? My son, my mom, CS.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Elmo, he's the bee's knees.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare. Back in AL, when we took Jacob to a doctor for his trouble with pooping and we spend $180 on a five minute visit with a doctor, I flipped out. I cannot believe that I can't take my child in for an issue without insurance. That since I cannot afford insurance, I cannot afford for my family to be sick.
35. Who did you miss? CS when he was gone, my mom when I was gone.
36. Who was the best new person you met? Jessica, she's my workout buddy and fellow stay at home mom to a toddler. I'm worried she is going to move away to North Dakota and I will be all alone with Jillian Michaels.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. It can always be worse.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I'm down to my last drink/time to sell my things/pack my bags and never look back/run a parallel line with the railroad track/make my get away" Love and Theft "Runaway"
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? I didn't have a job that paid me a salary. My job was mama and I'm surprised how well it suited me. I thought I'd miss working.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did not make any resolutions and I have not planned any for this year. I've never been much for making them on January 1st.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother's wife. They had their baby boy in October, and I've yet to meet him. I hope they come to visit soon!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, we've been fortunate.
5. What countries did you visit? The South.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Sadly, money. CS didn't get paid in December because he works for the worst employer in the world. Only a total shithead would not pay his workers before Christmas.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Jacob turning one. CS proposing on Christmas morning.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally trying to get in shape after having Jacob. I realized that I needed to do a lot of work on my body right before he turned one and I'm happy with my size now. I still need to work on it, but I fit into my clothes again!
9. What was your biggest failure? Not investing enough time into finding something for me to do to contribute to our finances. We can't afford for me to not work, but I cannot put Jacob in Daycare.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only a few minor colds and one bad case of eczema.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A new phone. I was so sick of old, broken hand-me-downs and I am so happy with my new one. I just need it to last two years.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom. She's the only reason that I have been able to pay my bills on time the last six months. I feel horrible for needing so much of her help financially and I'm so grateful for how gracious she has been about it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? CS's bosses. I have never been more disgusted with anyone as I have been at them. I want to take Jacob over to his house and demand that he apologize for not paying CS and ruining Christmas for a child.
14. Where did most of your money go? CS's truck. And moving three times.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving to Alabama. I was so looking forward to being there and I am still depressed that we didn't get to stay.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009? "I'm Yours" by Jason Marz. It's a magic song! Jacob loves it and it can always calm him down or put him to sleep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? The same.
b) thinner or fatter?Thinner
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking pictures and writing more letters.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worried about money. It's so consuming of my life. I wake up in the middle of the night and start calculating what we have and what is due and what we can't pay this month. It's stressful and I hate it but unless I get a job, there isn't much I can do to change it.
20. How did you spend Christmas? We stayed at my mom's house and opened presents there before sitting down to eat dinner. I got to make it for the first time ever and I loved it! We went to CS's grandma's afterwards and opened presents at his house before playing games and eating dinner.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Glee. I just love it!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I hate CS's boss.
24. What was the best book you read? I re-read a lot of books this year that I have packed away over the years. But "The Help" was certainly the best NEW one I read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I suspect that Kings of Leon would be if I could have downloaded the CD that Audrey sent me months ago.
26. What did you want and get? A second bowl for my KitchenAid, a Product(RED) water bottle and iTunes cards.
27. What did you want and not get? A juicer for my mixer, a house of my own.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? I have seen so few movies this year, so I am not qualified to answer this. Both Harry Potter and New Moon disappointed me. Although I did watch Harry Potter 3 times in 24 hours, so maybe that helps.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26 and we had dinner at my mom's house. I made the Car Bomb cupcakes. We had a 2nd dinner at CS's house and I made peach cupcakes that were not as good.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry about whether or not CS had a job, or if we were going to get paid on time, or if there was an end in sight of debt and living with parents.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Rediscovering clothes that have been in storage for the past two years.
32. What kept you sane? My son, my mom, CS.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Elmo, he's the bee's knees.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare. Back in AL, when we took Jacob to a doctor for his trouble with pooping and we spend $180 on a five minute visit with a doctor, I flipped out. I cannot believe that I can't take my child in for an issue without insurance. That since I cannot afford insurance, I cannot afford for my family to be sick.
35. Who did you miss? CS when he was gone, my mom when I was gone.
36. Who was the best new person you met? Jessica, she's my workout buddy and fellow stay at home mom to a toddler. I'm worried she is going to move away to North Dakota and I will be all alone with Jillian Michaels.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. It can always be worse.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I'm down to my last drink/time to sell my things/pack my bags and never look back/run a parallel line with the railroad track/make my get away" Love and Theft "Runaway"
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Defining Moments: Engagements
I woke up before Jacob did on Christmas morning. This isn't unusual, since he can sleep until 10 some mornings. But this morning I was ancy, waiting for him to wake up so he could go open his box of Cheetos. First we woke up CS, where he was sleeping on the couch because there isn't enough room for us on the full sized bed at my mom's. Then we woke up Gramma and put on a kettle of hot water. Chris put on Christmas music and started putting gifts in piles. We let Jacob open most of his at once, waiting in between each one so he could enjoy them before ripping open a new one. The box containing his bag of Cheetos was the biggest hit. He started jumping up and down, squealing and signing "more" when he saw the bag. Then everything had a residue of orange dust on it. My brother got him a mini ball pit that required being blown up without a pump and I'm proud to admit that I did it without getting lightheaded or passing out.
After Jacob was secure in his ball pit lair and watching his new DVD of The Best of Elmo, we started opening our gifts from each other. I got CS a kit for making beer since he never gets to buy it now. He got me an iTunes card. There was also a construction calculator, a KitchenAid mixing bowl, a knitted cowl, a pillow, and small things in our stockings. Christmas in a recession is a lot more practical now.
After all the paper was cleaned up, Jacob, mom and I were playing with his toys and CS went out to his truck. When he came back in, he handed me a little gold box with a white bow. I was surprised, as the last thing I was expecting was a little jewelry type box. I tried to open the bow and ended up ripping it off before CS showed me how to peel the bottom part off. Once I got to the white hinged box, I popped it open and there was a diamond ring. My mom was exclaiming "oh my gosh" and I can't even remember what I said. I think there was gasping on my part. Then CS got down on one knee, right next to the ball pit and asked me if I'd marry him. I said yes, and eventually remembered to kiss him. He told me about the ring and got me a little sizer so it wouldn't fall off my finger.
So we are engaged. It's very surreal and since I can't get my ring back until Wednesday, it seems even less likely that I will be planning a wedding soon. You never know when those defining moments of your life are going to spring up on you.
I'd leave you with a picture of the two of us and the ring but I have none. There is one somewhere out there, but I will have to track it down. I hope your Christmas morning was as much fun as ours!
After Jacob was secure in his ball pit lair and watching his new DVD of The Best of Elmo, we started opening our gifts from each other. I got CS a kit for making beer since he never gets to buy it now. He got me an iTunes card. There was also a construction calculator, a KitchenAid mixing bowl, a knitted cowl, a pillow, and small things in our stockings. Christmas in a recession is a lot more practical now.
After all the paper was cleaned up, Jacob, mom and I were playing with his toys and CS went out to his truck. When he came back in, he handed me a little gold box with a white bow. I was surprised, as the last thing I was expecting was a little jewelry type box. I tried to open the bow and ended up ripping it off before CS showed me how to peel the bottom part off. Once I got to the white hinged box, I popped it open and there was a diamond ring. My mom was exclaiming "oh my gosh" and I can't even remember what I said. I think there was gasping on my part. Then CS got down on one knee, right next to the ball pit and asked me if I'd marry him. I said yes, and eventually remembered to kiss him. He told me about the ring and got me a little sizer so it wouldn't fall off my finger.
So we are engaged. It's very surreal and since I can't get my ring back until Wednesday, it seems even less likely that I will be planning a wedding soon. You never know when those defining moments of your life are going to spring up on you.
I'd leave you with a picture of the two of us and the ring but I have none. There is one somewhere out there, but I will have to track it down. I hope your Christmas morning was as much fun as ours!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas!
I have been busy shopping for groceries, cooking a cheesecake, and making these for Christmas dinner! Not to mention the bazillion crafts I had to finish before tomorrow morning. I made owl ornaments for all the kids in CS's "other family" so I don't feel like a total loser when they give Jacob gifts and we have nothing for their children. My plan for downsizing Christmas a few years ago is not working when you meet people who have gift swapping traditions.
I can't wait for tomorrow morning, when Jacob can rip open his bag of Cheeto's and mac and cheese. We'll take better photos this year and hopefully he doesn't take a nap through it like last year. We're having dinner with my family at one then it's off to CS's grandma's for her dinner because it's "always at two" and we'll open gifts with his family in the evening. I can't help but wish that we had our own house to wake up in and traditions to make with Jacob but maybe next year. 2010 will be better, right?
I must go make rolls and frost the cheesecake! I'll leave you with this:
I can't wait for tomorrow morning, when Jacob can rip open his bag of Cheeto's and mac and cheese. We'll take better photos this year and hopefully he doesn't take a nap through it like last year. We're having dinner with my family at one then it's off to CS's grandma's for her dinner because it's "always at two" and we'll open gifts with his family in the evening. I can't help but wish that we had our own house to wake up in and traditions to make with Jacob but maybe next year. 2010 will be better, right?
I must go make rolls and frost the cheesecake! I'll leave you with this:
Friday, December 18, 2009
Light at the End of the Tunnel
I am one felted bag away from being done with Christmas. Well, that and taking a few picture of Jacob and having them developed for CS's dad's frame from last year. We draw names for his family so I don't have to buy him a gift, but I am making things for everyone else but his brother and his sister's boyfriend and since we live at his house I thought I should make a gesture. I really should be taking photos of the things I've made but something is wrong with me as I keep forgetting the camera and then I wrapped everything. I have to go by CS's house tomorrow for things like Pampers, clothes, and lotion so I will try to remember the camera.
CS got back from his work trip last night and Jacob was overjoyed to have him back. He refused to take a nap until after 2 and slept until 4:30 when we woke him up so we could go into town. CS had to go back to his house and get the sink snake for the kitchen drain after coming over this morning and I sent Jacob off with him so I could have a break and they could have alone time with his parents. I'm not going to lie. IT WAS GLORIOUS. I took the dogs for a walk and I haven't felt more lighthearted in a while. I put my favorite songs on the ipod and bounced around the block, high off being alone. I didn't have to entertain anyone, or worry about cold fingers or wind on his face. I haven't walked Hunter without Jacob since the week before Jacob was born. That was almost 16 months ago. Oh, wait. I went on a walk once without Jacob when we first moved back here. I left Jacob in his crib and told CS, who was sleeping on the couch, to listen for him. And I came back to a wailing infant and a sleeping CS. I was pissed. This time was much better now. When I got back, I got out my sewing machine and whipped out a final clutch. I was sewing without interruption at before noon. This NEVER happens. It was like I finally realized that I could do something without Jacob and we could both be happy. I see now why other moms enjoy letting other people take their children for a few hours. It's like regaining yourself. I've been in a co-dependent relationship where the only thing that matters is the male factor and I never got to do anything without checking with him first. But now, I see the light!
But Jacob came home and the first thing he did was hug on me. Then demand some food. And juice. The cycle repeats.
CS got back from his work trip last night and Jacob was overjoyed to have him back. He refused to take a nap until after 2 and slept until 4:30 when we woke him up so we could go into town. CS had to go back to his house and get the sink snake for the kitchen drain after coming over this morning and I sent Jacob off with him so I could have a break and they could have alone time with his parents. I'm not going to lie. IT WAS GLORIOUS. I took the dogs for a walk and I haven't felt more lighthearted in a while. I put my favorite songs on the ipod and bounced around the block, high off being alone. I didn't have to entertain anyone, or worry about cold fingers or wind on his face. I haven't walked Hunter without Jacob since the week before Jacob was born. That was almost 16 months ago. Oh, wait. I went on a walk once without Jacob when we first moved back here. I left Jacob in his crib and told CS, who was sleeping on the couch, to listen for him. And I came back to a wailing infant and a sleeping CS. I was pissed. This time was much better now. When I got back, I got out my sewing machine and whipped out a final clutch. I was sewing without interruption at before noon. This NEVER happens. It was like I finally realized that I could do something without Jacob and we could both be happy. I see now why other moms enjoy letting other people take their children for a few hours. It's like regaining yourself. I've been in a co-dependent relationship where the only thing that matters is the male factor and I never got to do anything without checking with him first. But now, I see the light!
But Jacob came home and the first thing he did was hug on me. Then demand some food. And juice. The cycle repeats.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Dishwashing, A Cautionary Tale.
The sink at my mom's is clogged with something. I suspect it's a bell pepper stem that managed to avoid getting chopped by the disposal but I guess it could be something else. My mom put a bottle of drained opener down it last night but it hasn't worked as of this morning so I had to do something about the mound of dishes next to the sink. The dishwasher is full and since we can't run it, that wasn't an option. So I loaded up a laundry basket of dishes and went to the bathroom to run a tub of water and wash them, on my knees and fighting the shower curtain just like the pioneers use to do. After unloading half the basket into the sink, I started to wash a few and realized I needed to be on the other side of the sliding door. So I scooted Jacob over and went to stand up and knocked over the basket of dishes that was perched on the toilet lid. There there was a shower of broken glass and the baby started wailing. I only broke three glasses and only two of them were the nice ones. I guess it could have been worse. Like I could have been alone and had to clean up glass with a weeping toddler and a tub full of dirty dishes so I didn't have anywhere to stash him.
However, I have to go now because the baby is sucking on the end of the cord from the vacuum cleaner and I'm pretty sure that's not good. Also, Barney is on and I haven't taught him how to change the channel yet.
However, I have to go now because the baby is sucking on the end of the cord from the vacuum cleaner and I'm pretty sure that's not good. Also, Barney is on and I haven't taught him how to change the channel yet.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Ten Days Later
NaBloPoMo should have prompted me to write here more. I'm going to blame Christmas on this last absence. I am busy with knitting and occasionally sewing. I am *this* close to being done with crafting for everyone but I have at least one bag to knit, two hats to knit, and either two bowls to knit or to clutches to sew*. I should probably knit up two bowls since the recipients are both capable of sewing but not knitting and I cringe to think of them checking my stitches but the clutches are so much quicker! I sewed up four in about 45 minutes, and that's with fighting my machine because it didn't want to go over four layers of fabric. Why does my machine hate twill? Twill is so nice! Except it also ruined my rotary cutter and I don't want to buy a new blade.
Jacob and I are at my mom's for an indefinite amount of time. CS is in, well, somewhere in Colorado...by Durango? Off Highway 50? I don't know, honestly. I know the hotel he's in but not the town. Hmm, anyways. My mom had a procedure on her sinus cavity and gums to start the process of getting an implant for the tooth she had pulled due to an infection; so instead of staying at CS's house while he was gone, I packed up some bags and moved home. But now his parents are re-doing their bathroom so his mom wants me to stay here until that's finished. It's perfectly fine for me to stay here, but I hate that Jacob's crib is not here and that he refuses to sleep in the pack and play for longer than an hour. And when we return to the crib, I have to fight him for a week or so about sleeping in his crib for at least three hours before joining me in bed. The boy needs his own room. Which!
We may be moving into CS's brother's house when he returns from his trip. We'd have two rooms, I think and it's in the basement but Hunter could join us! We would be out of his parent's house! The only problem is paying utilities. We wouldn't pay rent because the house is owned by his family. It's perfect, sort of. Perfect in the sense of getting us a place where we can be a family but not so perfect that it's our own house with no roommates. In Jacob's entire life, he has only spent 2 months with just us under a roof. We have lived with my brother and his wife, my mom, then his parents and now his brother, possibly. Now we just have to pray that CS's job starts paying him what he deserves and we can get our own place when he starts getting VA checks for going back to school in January. Maybe by June I will be able to wean the baby and get a part time job. I actually have someone to help me watch Jacob starting in September. She's having a baby in April and she offered to watch him a few times a week if I wanted to go back to subbing in the fall. I am optimistic**!
*SarahB-Uhh, surprise? Pick one!
**woah, who am I? Optimism? What is that?
Jacob and I are at my mom's for an indefinite amount of time. CS is in, well, somewhere in Colorado...by Durango? Off Highway 50? I don't know, honestly. I know the hotel he's in but not the town. Hmm, anyways. My mom had a procedure on her sinus cavity and gums to start the process of getting an implant for the tooth she had pulled due to an infection; so instead of staying at CS's house while he was gone, I packed up some bags and moved home. But now his parents are re-doing their bathroom so his mom wants me to stay here until that's finished. It's perfectly fine for me to stay here, but I hate that Jacob's crib is not here and that he refuses to sleep in the pack and play for longer than an hour. And when we return to the crib, I have to fight him for a week or so about sleeping in his crib for at least three hours before joining me in bed. The boy needs his own room. Which!
We may be moving into CS's brother's house when he returns from his trip. We'd have two rooms, I think and it's in the basement but Hunter could join us! We would be out of his parent's house! The only problem is paying utilities. We wouldn't pay rent because the house is owned by his family. It's perfect, sort of. Perfect in the sense of getting us a place where we can be a family but not so perfect that it's our own house with no roommates. In Jacob's entire life, he has only spent 2 months with just us under a roof. We have lived with my brother and his wife, my mom, then his parents and now his brother, possibly. Now we just have to pray that CS's job starts paying him what he deserves and we can get our own place when he starts getting VA checks for going back to school in January. Maybe by June I will be able to wean the baby and get a part time job. I actually have someone to help me watch Jacob starting in September. She's having a baby in April and she offered to watch him a few times a week if I wanted to go back to subbing in the fall. I am optimistic**!
*SarahB-Uhh, surprise? Pick one!
**woah, who am I? Optimism? What is that?
Sunday, December 06, 2009
A Boy and His Hose
Jacob has a thing for hoses. I don't know why. Maybe all kids have this. Or maybe just those of the male persuasion. I suspect it has to do with his long standing love affair of water. But it doesn't make sucking on a hose any less gross. It's a good thing he's got charm and adorableness in abundance.
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