Afternoon Prep

I am Coach today! I really want to walk around the halls with a big stick, but I can't find his. I think it's locked in the closet.

Coach S. is the science teacher in the 100 wing. He's the only one on this side of the building, the other three are on the other side. I think it's because his classroom is right next to Coach M's room and they get to plot during passing period in the hall. The story behind the stick Coach S. carries around happened when he first started teaching in this room. He found an old cane in the classroom and started carrying it around the hall. One day, he smacked a desk with it in front of two girls who kept chatting and it broke into pieces. A student brought him a new walking stick, this one has carvings of faces on it. As well as a sharp point on the bottom. I don't know if it does anything for the intimidation of students, but when he's here, swinging that stick in the hallway, kids sure aren't tardy.

Across the hall from me, the sub for Ms. H. is having a heck of a time with her 6th period. Is it wrong that I'm often amused by that? I have such a superiority complex on that issue, yes I do!

Waves

I'm currently awash in a mix of emotions. Happy/sad.

I cannot believe how fast the past 6 months have gone by. How I went from a somewhat drunken mess in Colorful Colorado to a very happy substitute teacher in the middle of pos New Mexico. And the realization that there is a very good chance we are leaving here in about 4 weeks releases a lot of emotions I just don't want to deal with.

Sure, it's cool I get to go someplace new. Leave behind this ugly landscape and go to Farmington, or Wyoming, Kansas. Who knows, right now. We want to get a tag along trailer to live in, instead of finding cheap apartment after a hotel room for a week. I found a cockroach in my kitchen the other day and when I called to get someone to come spray, my rental people told me that they do it the first time and it's my responsibility for the rest. Which, BULL. I want to see the receipt for that spraying, as I think it's a huge lie. They are scummy landlords who deal with trashy people that don't take care of their space. And I am ok with not having them to deal with that nonsense anymore.

But, oh. I am going to miss my life here. No, it's not pretty here. I don't get to go out to the bar and know everyone and know that they know me. I don't get to have wine soaked dinner parties with people my own age. There are no Sunday Brunches, post drinking. I know virtually no one here. I go to work, I come home. But I love my job. I love the people I work with, the teachers who make me feel so welcome. The students who come and talk to me about their lives when all the work is finished and we're waiting for the bell. My aerobics class with my silly, D.A.R.E. cop instructor and the two women I share a Full Throttle Bench with on Tuesday/Thursday.

Finally, I can feel at home here. And it's almost time to leave.

I'm scared because I'm finally happy. But I know I won't be happy here without CS. I can't handle going to work and coming home to an empty house in a town where I only have a job. Nothing else.

So, I follow. You go.

Oh Right.

I have a blog.

Apparently, I needed November to make me at least think about how I needed to blog even if I wasn't going to get around to it.

I've been teaching Science this week. I have no idea what I have been teaching them, but the other teachers told me it's the most boring part of the year. I think it had something to do with Waves, Lights, and Sound. Amplify? Gamma rays? I've been pretty wrapped up in it, obviously. So wrapped up that this conversation with Coach, who also teaches science, happened in the hall this week.

Coach: Do you have a lab?
Me: Oh no.
Coach: Oh, then a black dog?
Me: Oh yeah. I have a Chocolate lab.
Coach: Yeah. I saw you this morning.

In my defense, science class has labs! And no way they are going to give me chemicals and a bunch of students. Not if they didn't want a real threat to befall them. I'm just glad I got all twenty-one pairs of scissors back today.

Cross Posted- The Random 10

Okay, once you have been tagged - you have to write a blog with ten random facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end, choose ten people to get tagged, listing their names and why you chose them; don't forget to leave a comment on their page letting them know "tag you're it". You cannot tag the original person who tagged you, but be sure to let them know if/when you post back.

This is for Audrey. Cuz I was tagged, yo!

1) I'm older than both of my parents were when I was born.

2) I love fancy cheeses. Whole Foods is my Mecca.

3) I love to read poetry. But I don't enjoy writing it. The process is just so tedious. I think Emily Dickinson is divine.

4) I never thought I'd fall in love with someone from my home town area. Or that it would be as fitting as it is.

5) After years and years of insisting that I would never be a teacher, I want to be a real teacher.

6) I occasionally believe that my irrationality is actually a blessing.

7) I have at least 10 different skeins of yarn for numerous projects.

8) I like to cook, and I want to learn how to bake.

9) I have been a librarian and now a substitute teacher. I'm planning on another profession that young men fantasize about.

10) I can tell a fantastic bed time story, right off the top of my head.

I'm not going to tag anyone because no one else I know will actually do it. Hmm, maybe Chris.

Merry Christmas- Ebay Style

I have a large collection of Littlest Pet Shop toys from when I was young and collected such things. I have quite a few. Not all of them, but pretty close. At one point, they all had names and they lived in an old, wooden CD case. They each had a bed, or a bed mate and a bed to share. Blankets, pillows, rugs. All put together by my 11 year old hands. I kept it up for months after I stopped playing with them. I could never bring myself to toss them in a bag to Goodwill. So I put them in a little gymnastics's bag, packed them into a storage bin, and pull them out occasionally.

I had a grand plan to buy a doll house this Christmas and give the house plus all my Pet Shop toys to JBelle. But then I started thinking about how much I don't want them to get lost and how I'd love to be able to give them to my children. So I've decided to keep the Pet Shop animals of my youth for a later date. But I felt guilty for not giving them to Belle, when I know she would love them! Which lead me to Ebay! They have a lot of the newer, ghetto, bubble headed Pets and I refuse to buy those. But I've found a few sets of the original Pets and placed a few bids. Hopefully, I can win them. I hate Ebay and how people sneak in right at the end and win it while you aren't paying attention. It's not like I have a job that allows me to play online all day! Kids must be squashed into submission! I have to stand in the halls to prevent fights! Not watch Ebay all day long!

Except times like now. And all of last period where I texted CS.

Apparently, I Wasn't Lying!

I gave my classes over to the rightful teacher yesterday.

Yesterday morning actually started out with a bomb threat. Good way to start a Monday, don't you think? I actually got to school early, because I hadn't read the poem we were going to discuss in class and I needed to get my mind organized before I tried to teach it. However, new teacher was in my room when I got to school. He was setting up his room and I was preparing to go do a lot of grading in the library when the Assistant Principal came over the announcement speaker for all students to exit the gym (where they go for breakfast) and head to the fence on the side of the school. Then the alarms went off. I assumed it was just a drill but then I asked the OCS teacher what was going on as we walked across the field and she murmured "bomb threat". It was cold out yesterday morning, and my feet froze in my little heels. There were girls in capri pants and tee shirts. Guys with no coats. One side of the field runs along the main street, right next to the drop off area for students. The police came and blocked off the road, but pretty quickly the road in front of the school was jammed with cars. Lots of parents came to try and pick up their child. Most of them didn't understand that you can't just pluck your child off the field in the middle of a bomb threat.

They eventually cleared the building, about 45 minutes later. Everyone went into their classrooms and for the next hour we just stayed in class. Waiting till all the anxious parents came to get their kids. There was no danger, but by 3rd period over half the school was gone. There are over 600 students enrolled here. Only 250 some stayed the entire day. It was madness trying to get parents to understand that "No, you can't take your child and her three friends home." It's amazing how rules that are put in place to keep your child safe are suddenly disregarded when you think there is another danger. No, this school was not going to blow up. A month ago, the middle school had a bomb threat. This is a copy cat. It's all cleared. Why do you need to pull your child out of school? We've become so concerned about the safety of our children because of the school tragedies that we have seen, but yet we do nothing to ensure that our children behave in school, or actually pass their classes? I'm at a loss on this one. I couldn't believe the stories that the secretary shared about how parents treated her. Why would you get angry with someone who is doing her job and protecting the children she is entrusted with.

Chaos makes for some pretty pissed off parents. When they should be happy that we are doing all we can to make sure their kids are taken care of properly and with caution.

Because I'm Helpful Like That

I tend to find a lot of things I want online. A LOT. And I show many of them to CS. But I don't really show them to him, rather I pick my computer up so he can glance at the item I want before turning it around again and searching some more. I don't always mean that I want something when I say I want it, which is why I don't give him ample time to gather all the necessary information that he would need in order to actually get me something I want this holiday season. Thus: My Online Wish List. (I have other things that are not online but online is just so much easier when you aren't close to civilization and you work 60 ish hours a week.) And for those of you not playing "What to get Jess for Christmas" just enjoy the link love. I've spend hours and hours searching the Internet for things I want.

Jess's Online Christmas List. In no special order.

1) This Etsy shop has a few Stacked Necklaces that I like. Like this one.

2) Also from Etsy, I love this but with a purple stone, not that bright pink one. The main site is here. And I wear a size 6.

3) If I ever decide to start knitting the mountains of yarn I purchased back in June, then these would be lovely to work on. I really wish that they made non-garish wooden ones, but not yet.

4) Yes, yes, I know I just bought sheets when we moved in here. But they are already falling apart and I know what I'm getting to Christmas and this will go just perfectly. Or rather, if that set doesn't come with pillow cases (as I suspect it doesn't) I like these too.

5) These are on sale and I think I need them.

I'm sure there are a lot more things I want. Need. Must HAVE. But I'm tired of looking. If you have any questions, I'm right next to you. Most likely. Or email my mom. She might know.

Fizzled.

I'm not quite sure what kept me from posting every day of NaBloPoMo. It's not like I have a whole lot to juggle. Between Hunter and CS, I don't quite have a busy schedule. I think I could blame it on my lack of internet access during the day. Sure, I have the Web but I don't get to play on it more than 45 minutes a day. When I get home, I usually walk Hunt before CS gets home. Then it's time to make dinner, eat dinner, clean up. There are shows to watch, conversations to have. I'm lucky if I get all my blogs read in time for bed. Which, sadly, is currently around 9. I went to bed the other night at 8. Babies stay up later than I do.

Tomorrow my brother will be driving into town to stay work with CS's company. He lost his job last week, and CS was able to get him hired on as a welder or whatever else they might need. I'm not too clear on the details. I didn't quite think this one through. I suppose that's a good thing. I know my brother has quite a lot of debt (nothing like mine, lucky boy) and he cannot be out of a job. He has to make over ten bucks an hour in order to pay all his bills. So most jobs in CC aren't going to cut it. So if I can let him live with us, and be around someone like CS instead of the scum he generally surrounds himself with, it's going to be for the best. He's just not allowed to bring his girlfriend to live with him. One surly boy is enough. I don't need a surly girl who never comes out of her room living under my roof.

My long term English job is up on Tuesday. I'm a little worried about giving them over because I know that they are going to give the new guy a hard time. The person who taught before me was very strict and had the hardest time with this group of kids. I've had a less difficult time getting them under control. But I am a lot younger and let them get away with a lot more than she would ever allowed. But part of it was in self-preservation. I let the bad kids go out in the hall so I could teach the ones willing to learn (somewhat) and I am pretty lenient when it comes to accepting make-up work or how I run my class. I let one boy in 7th period sit at the other desk in my room. I let another freestyle rap for the class, but I did make him pay me for the swear words he said in class. Actually, his friends listening paid me, but I don't care where the money comes from, as long as I get some for the words.

It's funny to me that I'm worried how a man older than me, plus a teaching degree, will handle my classes. I'll probably be a little smug, too, if it turns out he's having a hard time. I can't help it! I'm a bit of a narcissist!

Well. Maybe I Didn't Think That One Through.

CS just got my brother a job here in Hobbs because he lost his job this week. Apparently, I will now be living with my brother soon.

That may get in the way of my "lifestyle". I'm not sure yet. But it just might.

What would you do with a 20 year old going on 14 boy in your house?

Let Me Tell You

No, Hobbs doesn't have a a Target. We only get to shop at Wal-Mart and Albertson's. All my furniture comes from Rent-A-Center. New Mexico is a flat wasteland of despair. My apartment must have once been occupied by a smoker because all my clothes are tinged with the smell of an ashtray. I haven't met anyone my age here. No one sells Canada Dry Flavored Club Soda here. Fall never happened. Colorado is hours and hours away. There is no red-headed niece to come over on the weekends.

But I am happy.

I have a job I enjoy. Even if some days I want to throw broken bottles at the bad kids. I have great fellow teachers to eat lunch with. I go to aerobics class in the morning and work my butt off. I have a walking path with Hunter. I have my own apartment, stocked with everything thing I need. I have wireless internet. I get to cook whatever sounds good to me. (As long as I have a starch, meat, and a veggie.) I am so well taken care of by CS.

Maybe my life back in Colorado had a few perks, but it was nothing like my life now. I am happy now because I am here with someone who makes me happy. That's all I really need.

Got Tattoos?

We sure did.

MeL Jayden, where did you get those tattoos?
Jayden: At a bar!
Melanie: You're so fired.
Jayden: Whatever, Dweeb!

Sweet Potato Makes Me Cry!

Go read this.

Ok, you're back now? Was that not the funniest thing you've read? I laugh until I cry when I read that, every time. Maybe it's because I have my own Sweet Potato Thief in Huntykins. I can relate. I read it during Advisory today, and one of my student's saw me and asked me what I was doing. She wasn't amused by my answer. But who cares. She was tardy today.

I just have to get through some Springboard online testing tomorrow, and then I'm home free! I'm so excited! I have so much I want to do, and so little time. Christmas break is going to be well appreciated. That will be 10 days of un-interrupted goofing off. I'll probably be broke broke at the end, but it will be a good time! This is why I have a savings account, and I know how to use it. And I'm talking about mine, not CS's. He has his own. I may or may not control it with an iron fist (if you ask him) but it's for his own good. I can't help it if I'm good with money. It's part of my make-up. Right next to the gene that demands I collect useless things, like empty wine bottles for an unforeseen reason. I'm pretty sure that it's not going to go away, this compelling desire to save, save, save. It's only going to get worse. Honestly, is that such a bad thing? I'm never going to be like my grandparents, and scrimp and worry about spending any money. But I'm also not going to be like my father, who spends like it's literally going to burn up if it's not out of his hands in mere minutes. I want to have a decent amount available at all times. An "In Case of Emergency and There is No Other Option" fund. Before I moved, I was saving up to move. Now, I'm saving up "Just in Case." In case something happens and CS can't work and we need to pay bills. In case I need to fly somewhere in short notice. CS may make good money at his job, but holidays and bad weather mean nada moolah for us. And we have BILLS, BILLS, BILLS. Destiny's Child ain't got shit on us. Between my loans, his truck, and our rent, we make it alright. But it'd be easy to be struggling. Like they say, "You make more, you spend more." Although, Lord knows what we spend it on. It's not like Hobbs offers us a whole lot of options. New Mexico is so Enchanting that I drive to Texas for cleaning supplies.

CS found this post yesterday and thought I wrote it yesterday. He didn't say anything about it all afternoon and it wasn't until evening that he said something about how he needed to make more money. A lot more money. To which I said "No you don't. Why do you think that?" He says"So you'll have kids with me." WHA? Finally I figured out that he read an old post from August a year ago, and thought I wrote it that day.

That'd be really nice of me, wouldn't it? Yeah, CS, I love you but ummm, there's no way we can have kids until you make about 25,000 dollars more a year. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

All in all, though. I am amused.

Welcome To Romance

My love brought pink roses to me today.

And then he trimmed the stems for me because children's scissors don't cut through stalks of that size. Toothpicks, perhaps.

*****


My week of Grades is finally over. What is it about Progress reports that cause children to finally motivate themselves to do work? The fact that they might be grounded for failing the easiest thing in the entire world? It's funny, too. how obsessed they can get about turning in work and checking their grades after. It's annoying, honestly. Do your work, check it later. No, I cannot just enter in a 90 right now and show you. Another quirky thing they do: When telling them the work they are missing, 9 times out of 10, they will say "But I did that" before you even tell them what it is they are missing. I've have whole conversations like this:

Me: You're missing a Night quiz, um...Quiz for....
Student: NO, I TURNED THAT IN.
Me: Um, hold on. Let me finish telling you what quiz it is.
Student: No, Miss. I took that.
Me: Well, I never got it.
Student: Maybe it's in my folder.

Riiight. Doubtful.

I don't remember learning to lie like that when I went to school.

What Are You Doing...Oh...How'd You Find That?

While I was making dinner, (ground beef with egg noodles and tomatoes and some spice) I happened to have a second and I waltzed into the living room to see what CS was doing online. He was reading a blog, actually.

Mine.

By the way.

For a second, I felt a whole lot of anxiety, but that faded away pretty fast. For as much as he's on the internet, I highly doubt he's going to make my blog his priority. Unless of course he wants to read stories about us for "insight" to the crazy. Although, he told me tonight that "I'm easy" so I don't think he's looking for relationship advice.

I guess to find the blog o'Hunter, you just have to use Google Blog search, type in my name, and click "Search the Web" and it will bring you right to my profile on NaBloPoMo.

Thanks, Internet! Making stalking easier since...1995? Or whenever MySpace started.

Should I?

So I'm making a cake. A cake I cannot eat until tomorrow at noon. I'll go back and edit in the link to the cake. For now, just know that it's from Smitten Kitchen and it's on the second page and you have to go to another website to get there. The batter was HEAVENLY and then I added chocolate chips, so I can just imagine that it's amazing. Pretty simple except for the part when I had to fold in the egg whites because my spatulas are cheap and they were all bendy instead of holding up to the batter. I'm sure it's fine though, the cake has puffed up nicely.

This will be the last mid-week dessert I made until after Thanksgiving break because next week we are only there for two days and I have things to pack! We're driving home on Wednesday and that's ok. I don't really like getting in at 1 AM but it is nice the next day when you have an entire day that's not taken up by things like driving 400 miles. I'm not sure what we are doing for the actual day of Thanksgiving. My mom's hosting dinner. But so is CS's grandparents in La Hunta, Florence, and somewhere else I'm blanking on the name. On of those dinners, I am not allowed to attend because I am a girlfriend, not a wife, and the significant others are not invited. Cool, huh! I'd understand if I wasn't really, really dating CS. Like maybe he just found me the night before at the bar and decided he didn't want to face his family alone. But I'm not a Rent-A-Center girlfriend, I'm the live-in kind. The one who makes sure his bills are paid on time, and puts his money into a savings account, cooks his dinner, folds his laundry, and once I even washed his truck. Needless to say, we aren't going there for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I'm concerned about this though. Because I refuse to spend Thanksgiving away from him. We live together, our lives are combined. But just because we "aren't married" doesn't mean that it's ok for us to have seperate holidays. I don't see the point of this relationship if we aren't going to make an effort to blend our backgrounds into one. Do I want to drive 2 hours to get to another dinner? No. But do I want to spend time with both our families? Yes, of course. We'll have to make it work. And I just hope that there is a way for us to come together. It's about compromise, between CS and I, as well as with our families.

But, man, if we go to both dinners? I am going to be one stuffed chic.

Blackbird?

No, no. Not a bird!

Sarah B, the one of the infamous Duncan Donuts, has been my friend since...forever? I'm blanking on when we became close, but I know there was a point in time that we decided to be each others hilarious entertainment. Junior year, perhaps? DD, you tell me.

While at OWU, DD was very busy with things like school and homework, RA-ing, and a few boys here and there. One of my first memories involve standing outside the Newport with Sarah, Sally and Sarah's BF. It was freezing cold, but none of us were wearing coats because you don't want to have a coat at a concert, sillies! We took turns walking into an Urban Outfitters just down the street. We were going to a Howie Day concert, but really we were there because Matt Nathanson was opening and he is our hero. Who else tells you that Clusterf*ck isn't allowed on radio airwaves? That's what I thought.

She lived in the Palace too. She made beer bread once. And pumpkin bread. She has cute, flippy hair and she drinks wine on a regular basis. I consider that a friendship-deal maker. She has a dog she can dress up, and I like him! Her bed is always perfectly made. I think she even has pillow shams. We have matching, swirly, and beaded shoes.

I spent part of my Senior year Spring Break in Cleveland with Sarah. She took me to a candy factory, I still have a white chocolate bunny. We went downtown to a fabulous fresh produce market in an old train station building. We also went to the Little Italy part of Cleveland and had lunch at a little place that I recall was odd, but I can't remember why. It was cold and snowy that time I visited, and I had just come back from four days in West Palm Beach, Florida but I recall all of my visit in snowy Cleveland with great joy.

Our next adventure came later, after graduation, when we decided to road trip it to DC. I was driving when we finally arrived in DC, and it's not easy to drive a stick while trying to get through three lanes of rush hour DC traffic and DD is yelling "YOU HAVE TO GET OVER. NOW." Just let me tell you. After that, we ditched the car and spent a few days walking/Metro-ing our way through DC to see everything. "Because it's LAME" can still elicit giggles from me in random quiet moments. Martini bars, squid, hookas, and getting her hooked on Vera Bradley are the highlights of our trip.

She is my friend I know I can spill anything to, right away, without worrying if she's going to be upset. We don't email or chat on the phone like others might, but there have been countless hours of AIM conversations in the past two years. I almost had her convinced to move to Colorado. She did have me convinced to come to Columbus. We're going to Chicago next.

Wanna come? Bring wine.

Click, Lock, Drop

I lost my keys this morning.

Funny thing about that?

Losing my keys has been the "worst thing that could happen to me" since I've moved down here. Mostly because there is no way I can break into my house if I lock the dead bolt. No entry through windows like at my house at home. Hell, these windows don't open in the slightest (fire hazard?). Also, I have no spare key to my car here. I lose that and I have no vehicle.

So I was a tad bit worried this morning at the gym when I discovered that I didn't leave them in the front seat like I thought I had when I couldn't find them in my pocket on my walk. They weren't on the street. They weren't inside the gym. Just vanished. Usually, when Hunt and I start a walk, he gets all excited and holds the leash in his mouth and bounces all around me, and I get into it with him and we hop down the street for a bit before settling into a nice pace. I thought maybe my keys got jounced out during all the hopping, but they weren't on the street. One nice man from aerobics class offered to help me look, and we took off jogging down the street to an empty field I walk through to let Hunter do his business. As we are searching in the weeds, a couple walks past and they are holding my keys hostage. Turns out they found them on the ground by the gym, realized they belonged to me, and continued on their walk in hopes that they would pass me to return them. Hurrah! Then nice aerobic man and I jogged back to the gym. So this morning, I had 45 minutes of "Weight Lifting to Music" followed by a (bouncy) 1 mile walk, then a 1 mile jog. I feel bad for Hunter , mostly, because he stayed in the car while I went to look the the keys and he missed out on the jogging.

Also, the car alarm was blaring because it doesn't like it when you unlock the doors from the outside.

For The Folks Back Home

The Back Yard. I say that loosely, because it's mostly concrete except for a tiny patch in the back. In summer, there are three 5 o'clock bushes and the fence by the gate is covered with morning glories. It's the only redeeming part of the "yard".

















The living room is one large space that also contains the laundry closet. My walls are mostly bare. I owe nothing large enough to cover them. These pictures make me sad, it looks as if I don't live here. It's so empty and stark.

















I made CS buy that TV stand so I would no longer have to look at the Rubbermaid bin that used to act as a TV stand. The bin is still in the living room. It's underneath the window. So much for that plan.

















My kitchen is divided from the living room by a center wall that houses the heat/air conditioner. It creates two entries into the kitchen, but it's annoying. That's why the table is right next to the couch and two of the four chairs are useless.


















The kitchen, and the kithen cow. I love my coffee maker and my toaster oven.

















My bedroom. Also bare. Except for that tiny little shelf and the wire candle holder above it.

















My windowsill. I keep books there. And my peacock stained glass wall hanging.

















The bathroom. I have a shower curtain with fish on it. They have googly eyes.
















The extra bedroom. Which is really just floor space to hold all the things we don't have closet space for. Also, most of CS's clothing. He never wears it, so it's rather useless to hang it up. At least, that's my explaination for why we've lived here for four months and it's still in bags.

Where Once Again Hunter Gets Attacked By Nature

This came in through the front door last night. CS and I were watching TV and Hunter starts making this horrid sneezing, choking noises. I lean over to see if maybe he was trying to eat a sticker that someone tracked into the house (He does that, eats prickly stickers for some reason) and I see a large bug scuttle away from him. I shriek "Ew" and then "Ah, Chris, it's a scorpion!" He finally coersed the little pincher into a ziplock so we could look it up on the internet and take it to the vet if need be. I don't think it actually stung Hunt, since his face didn't swell to comical proportions. Unlike the last two times he's gotten into a fight with an insect and LOST.

The scorpion is no longer in the house. I made CS take it with him to work since I didn't think I could convince him to kill it. And we are not letting it loose in the driveway to return to my front door. No way! Apparently, they are common here and the sting isn't terrible but I'm in no hurry to get one. They better not be able to climb stairs.

Where's The Wine?

I started asking for wine at 2:30 today.

It's been a long week. One thing about teaching school is that it's never the same. It always changes. One day it's PLC, the next it's 6th period. I have to deal with everything from boys who think they are too cool to shut the fuck up, to girls that think the best time to share the gossip is during an lecture, to phone calls to a mother of a son who thinks Anarchy is cool and work is for suckers. I had a snobby little brat tell me to "Hold ON, MISS. I have to tell her this." but then got the message when I unleashed on her. No, little girl. I may look like I am your age, but I'm not. I've already dealt with rich bitches who think that they run the world and can tell all the little people what to do. Sorry, I wasn't afraid of the Tri-delt blondes so you sure as fuck don't frighten me. And yes, I think the girl that decides to tell another girl that she better not be lying or she'd going to take her boots off and kick some ass is an idot. Control yourself. It's much more becoming. Also? Go out to the hall.

So, after a long week and one strawberry margarita, I'm laying in bed reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" for the third time.

I Follow, You Go

For all the words I've written down in the past few years, I have said so few of them aloud. For someone who often needs reassurance, I seldom give any. Or, in my eyes, I'm not very free with my emotions. I expect someone to assume that because I do this...it means that...but maybe that's not how we all see. For the most part, with CS, I've needed little encouragement from him about us. But sometimes I wonder if I need to break out of my silent admiration and say to him what I'm thinking about him. I think he deserves that. And not just because he pays half of my bills. Yes, half. The student loan portion, actually. I've got the rest covered, for the most part. I just take his card and go online shopping. Just kidding! Mostly.

Anyways. CS. He is unlike anyone I've ever been attracted to. I, personally, think we are more alike than he does. But I didn't explain to him why I think that, so he disagrees. I think this because, unlike the other people I've been involved with, we grew up in the same place. We have roots in Fremont Co. And while I've been running away from that since I left in 1997, I find some comfort in it now. He commented once that he never thought he'd find someone from his home town. Just like me, he left after high school. Just like me, he's been back a few times but has no intention of moving in down the street from his family. Only those who come from a small town can understand the simultaneous desire to be there and to be far, far away in the same moment. We've outgrown it, but it's still home.

To be honest, I'm quite unsure what to say about CS. He is an extention of me, a part of my being that I cannot fathom how to explain us. There are so many things I don't know about him. But I don't care. What's the rush? I know who he is to me, what he is with me, and how I feel when I'm with him. It's not perfect by any means. But it's honestly real.

What does he do to me? He opens my car door, everytime. On long car rides, I always end up putting my feet on the consule and he grabs them and rubs my feet for miles. He holds my hand when we walk places. He texts me randomly to tell me he's thinking of me. He actually wants to be involved in my life. As in, my life is his life. Our life.

And now that I'm completely smitten with my boyfriend, I'm going to go cuddle with the dirty boy on the couch.

Role Reversal

Before I started going to the gym at 5 AM, I always made fun of CS for falling asleep by nine. Guess who didn't see the end of CSI NY (Texas time) because she was nodding off in her chair? Oh, that'd be me. In my defense, I get my second wind back if I get up after such a quick nap. I can fall asleep for fifteen minutes then get up, blink a lot, scowl for a bit, and then be just fine. I just made CS lunch for tomorrow, did dishes, and had a snack. All in 10 minutes. And now I'm in a chipper mood. This is bad because I want to be sleeping in 15 minutes and that's not going to happen like I want.

What is it about that extra half hour in the morning, from 5:30 to 5, that makes me feel so exhausted by nine at night. I go to bed earlier, and still feel the effects. Maybe I just need to train my body to this new time. Or stop my body from waking up at 430. Naturally.

Body. You are a jerk. Sleep in as much as you can.

Ssss-FAWK!

I blame yesterday on CS. He asked me last night "Have you posted everyday?" and I said "Yes, but I need to post today." When he asked me that I remember thinking "Oh, he does listen to me..." and then I forgot to post. I wish I had no moral code. I'd back-date something. But the guilt. It burns me!

I think part of my neglect to NaBloPoMo last night was the fact that I was ready for bed at 9. Right after House ended, I turned my head against the couch and I could have doze off immediately. But then CS wanted me to rub his back, and I've gotten out of that for the past two days now, so I gave in. By 9:30 I needed to get up and pack lunch, then I decided to do the dishes and I was in bed before 10. Of course, I woke up at 4:30 and decided not to go to the gym and walk Hunt at 5:30 instead. I'm not sure if I walked so much as I hobbled. My thighs are killing me. I'm still flinching when I walk down the hall.

Anyways. I will post about a new person twice today. I'm going to make a list and plan who I write about each day. That way, it's less of a dilemma.

In other news, I wrote a kid up for going behind my desk and taking candy. Idiot. I'm not able to see everything they do, but occasionally I catch something. I would like to know who threw a paper ball in my direction though. 2nd Period. HATE.

And Then I Met Sally

*I really want something sweet right now, but I'm not sure what. So I'm delaying the inevitable.*

Before I came to OWU, I heard stories about a girl named Sally. She was from Ohio, she took a politics class, and she didn't have a roommate. When I came to OWU, I didn't live with her that year but we had Geology 110 together at 8 AM on Tuesday Thursday. Together, we suffered through long, boring lectures in the dark and endured the sweltering heat of an especially warm spring with the heat turned on! The next year, Sally and I were suite mates along with two other girls. That year, sophomore year, was pivotal to me as well as my relationship with Sally. She and I became close, once I started therapy and began to "recover" from my first ever relationship and break-up. She took me home for Easter, to decorate Bunny Cakes, learn how to knit, and introduce me to the crazy that is Toledo. I've never looked back. She's always been the one I can tell anything to, despite the many hesitations I might feel before I finally spill it out. I always worry most what her reaction will be, and it's only gotten me in trouble once.

We only lived together one year. I went off to be a Feminist and she lived in a Palace. That's part of why we work, I think. We have always been able to be each other's wailing wall but never the cause of the wailing. At least while we were at school. We'd have weekly dinners, grocery store trips, and a lot of crazy theme parties. She was my Republican Ally, my Oscar Night Date, my SLU wanna-be, my SCG. Senior year, we used to email each other during the day with random crush citings, random tidbits, dinner plans, bar plans, things professors said to us, etc. just to keep each other updated on the minute details of our busy lives. We had different majors, different schedules but that didn't stop us from knowing everything the other did. Or didn't do, in a lot of cases.

Most of my best stories involve Sally. Like when I fell down the stairs at the Winter Palace. I wasn't concerned about my fall, I was wondering if anyone saw her making out with a boy who's name begins with E as they rushed past her room to the stairwell. Or the boy who told me I was "So loud" as I laughed while walking past him. Or the night we dressed up as Rock stars and ended up posing before the Bush/Cheney sign in my window. The weekend we spent on her Bay. Or the countless cookies we made over Thanksgiving.

I may never understand what caused me to leave Ohio after graduation. I had no reason to be home, except for the fact that I could go home. I always say that my friends in Ohio are my soul-mates, and Sally certainly fits in right at the top. Even after college, we still managed to keep the bonds intact. But then my life became stagnate and I struggled to keep my former life part of my present "Party it up" lifestyle. Things were hard, and I didn't know how to fix our relationship. It wasn't until this fall that I felt the return of the SCG/JAO lifestyle. Our conversations are lively, and packed with information, concerns, exchange. Anticipations of visits, places new to us. It's refreshing. It's how it should be. If my friends truly are my soul mates, then the honeymoon is over and the rest of our lives are ahead of us.

How's that for cheese.

Umm, Where Do I Start?

NaBloPoMo Daily Plan: Write about someone. But who do I start with? The first person is monumental. Right? Doesn't first mean favorite? I don't have one! I can't pick my most influential person. There isn't just one. Could never be one. Unless I have a child. Then that can be the most important person in my entire life. As I'm sure it will be.

So let's start with Abe. My youngest brother. The one who I will always see as a 12 year old boy. That's the age he was when my parents started the divorce. And the age where he virtually disappeared from my life. Even though he's graduated from High School and entered the Real World, I still don't see him as an adult.

Abe was born a month early. I remember the night he was born, I snuck down the stairs to watch all the people in my living room. He was born at home, but rushed to the hospital where he spent weeks in an incubator. Tubes in his mouth and needles stuck in his head. They said he would have asthma. He doesn't.

Years later, one evening at home, my parents were calling his name and laughing about how he was ignoring them. He wasn't. He couldn't hear them. Because he was premature, he lost most of his hearing. As a child, he wore hearing aids. Those ugly tuck-behind the ear kind with blue ear molds. Now days, he watches you when you speak but he wears nothing to aid him. It's quite amazing, actually. For as little hearing as he has, he functions wells and I often forget that he cannot hear as well as I can.

Abe was my favorite sibling growing up. We meshed well. Our other brother looks more like me, but Abe and I are more alike. Abe had a wonderfully scratchy voice as a baby, and I love watching home videos for that reason. One of my favorite clips happened one morning when he was still a baby. I was mad at my mom, and I took a stuffed Grover and started smashing him against Abe's crib. I kept saying "I'm tired of you!" each time I whacked Grover and Abe laughed so hard he fell over.

Now days, Abe lives at home with my mom. He came back to us two years ago, just out of the blue. It's hard for him, I think, to accept that our dad isn't worth us. I feel bad for him because he's been cut out of that part of our family. While I'm still somewhat accepted, he's being punished for leaving my dad after standing by him so long. But Abe couldn't take it anymore. I don't know how he lasted so long. Insanity and irrationality isn't easy to put up with, especially when you are a 17 year old senior in High School. They already push the limits, and to have a father who grounds you for weeks at a time would be quite frustrating. Even though Abe isn't the poster child for a young adult, he's certainly not a bad egg like our other brother. Abe might be quick to fall in love with a girl who pays him any attention, or be easily influenced by someone else, he's trying to make something of himself. To make a life for himself that will be better than the one our dad or our brother have chosen.

Even if he's a four-eyed, brace-face right now.

A Horrible Thing

Hunter and I took a walk this morning. Just like we do every morning. Same route as always. We were walking down a semi-busy street. It doesn't have bad traffic, but it's nearly impossible at 8 AM to have no cars driving past you as you walk down the road. Here in Hobbs, there aren't many dogs around. People keep them penned up in backyards, and that's only about 5 of the 100 houses I walk by every morning. This morning, as we walked down the road, I saw someones little lapdog playing in a yard with another dog, or possibly a cat. I've seen this dog before, it belongs to an older woman who lives in one of the 5 houses on that side of the street. The houses are clumped together, littered with broken cars, junk, and a few signs warning trespassers. It's not a very welcoming part of the neighborhood. I have only seen that woman and her dog out once, and that one time, her dog did choose to follow us barking down the sidewalk for a while. But this morning, the dog was outside her fence, alone. Hunt and I were walking on the opposite side of the street and I thought that would deter the dog from crossing over to us. Unfortunately, I was wrong. The dog decided to step out into the street and barrel toward us just as a car came rushing by. There was no time for the car to stop. Or swerve. I couldn't do anything to prevent it. What's worse, is that I could do nothing to help. The car that hit the dog didn't stop. Neither did the other three cars that came by right after. I couldn't let Hunt get close to it and there was no place to tie him up. No one was around, and I couldn't figure out how to get to the woman's house. I didn't know what to do. I had just seen a horrible thing and no one could help me. I eventually walked away because I simply didn't how to help. I was afraid of finding the woman, afraid she would be mad at me for her dog's death. When I finally walked away, I just broke down crying. I couldn't even get the dog off the road because I couldn't let my dog go for fear that he would get hurt or just be annoying while I moved the dog away. I wanted to be home so I could call my mom. I called the Police as well, and asked them if they could send Animal Control to the house and take care of it, and I found out that someone already called it in.

I felt so bad. I still feel bad. I know it's not my fault. That I didn't cause that dog to chase us, nor was there anything I could have done differently. But I will never forget the sounds I heard when it happened and the way the poor dog died before my eyes. I've seen animals die, but never like this. This was violent and done to a pet. Not to livestock raised for food and done with as much humanity as possible. I feel bad for the woman who lost her dog, even if it's an animal I pretty much despise. Maybe, hopefully, next time will end happily. And the lesson I learn is: Never let your pets run loose.

Do Not Answer

Tonight, after getting back from Holidaze, I was messing around online for NaBloPoMo and my phone rang with a Colorado number. Let this be a lesson to you! Do not answer those unknown calls from state you no longer reside! Be ye not stupid. It will be ex-boyfriends who haven't called you in months!

The conversation went like this:

BB: I can't believe you left tonight without saying goodbye.
Me: Huh? Who is this?
BB: You don't know who this is?
Me: Um...no. It's a Colorado number, but I live in New Mexico now. Who is this?
BB: I can't believe you don't know who I am. Are you going out tonight? Are you going downtown?
Me: Um, no I just got home. I've already been out for the night. Who is this?
BB: You don't know who this is? Huh. Maybe I'll tell you someday...click.

Me: WTF?

Of course it was BB. No one else from Colorado would call me like that. He must be already drunk and he thinks that he saw me in Canon and is upset I didn't acknowledge him. I, of course, wasn't in Colorado tonight. Haven't been in a while. And even though it was a Colorado number, I had a few moments where I thought it was Channing, a guy who lives here and was out to dinner with us tonight. He would call and ask me why I left without saying goodbye (we didn't tell him goodbye) and it didn't sound like BB, so I had no idea who it was until after we hung up. But now it all makes perfect sense. That whole exchange is classic BB. And I imagine there will be another phone call soon. Which is why his new number is: Matt DNA. (Do Not Answer)

NaBloPoMo Saga

Welcome to November. I'd like to the site, but I can't. I still haven't gotten Firefox like I should, so no linking is allowed.

Anyways. I've decided to post a blog everyday about someone I've come in contact with. Whether it be my best friends, old bosses, Professors, relatives, etc. Sort of a character sketch on a different person everyday and how they have impacted my life.

But I'm too tired tonight, so I owe ya'll two tomorrow.

I'm Gonna Post Every Day For A Whole Month

Somehow, I don't see this happening. I barely get through reading my blogs everyday. It's not like I have a lot of free time during the day to play online to my heart's content. Not like before. Before, when I only had to read to kids who wanted to listen to me. Before, when I was never in control of a group of teens. Before, when my job wasn't to grade crafts or how many books a person read.

Being a teacher may pay more, but it comes with a little more responsibility than being a librarian required. Maybe I'd like to go back to that kind of job. One with no yelling. Or threats. Although, threats can be fun. I may follow through on my threats of today and write up some lunch D-halls tomorrow for some chatty basketball players. They won't like that too much. Or I'll just tell them that Coach gave me permission to threaten them with playing time if they won't shut their mouths.

Back to NaBloPoMo...I had a great idea for a blog the other day and I have since forgotten it. It was something that I could stretch out over the whole month. But I can't remember. Of course.

I have been baking up muffins in the past week. Some Carrot Zucchini Nut muffins with Cream Cheese frosting last Wednesday. Pumpkin Pecan with Cream Cheese (I had a whole bowl of frosting left over) and tonight I am going to make Popcorn cake for the Teacher's Lounge Halloween. I'm also going to bring the Pumpkin Muffins because I cannot and will not and should not eat a whole pan of muffins. I'd like to fit into my new clothes for a while. Or if I don't fit, I'd prefer them to be a little looser. Not tighter.

My Smackdown plan for losing 10 pounds is not going so well. I joined the gym. Although, I've been going less frequently than I planned. I still work out for an hour everyday, it's just not always at the gym. I hate this because I've been trying so hard since August to fix this. To get back to my "normal" size. And I will hate if this is "normal". I don't want to have to skip meals in order to be a size 8. I don't eat fast food. I don't fry a lot of food. I cut back on portion sizes because I can't eat like a boy. I cut back on red meat. I don't drink beer. I started going to aerobics class at 5 AM a few times a week. And what else do I need to do? Stop and check everything I put in my mouth? Eat and drink only diet food? What am I doing wrong! Yes, in the past, before I made dinner every night, I didn't always eat a real dinner. How do I get away with that now? It's impossible! So am I destined to be like this for the rest of my life? Also, don't get me started on how my forehead thinks I'm in puberty again and that Philosophy Hope In A Jar isn't enough!

Baby, I'm Amazed.

Friday night, when CS and I were coming back home after dinner at the casino (because I just wanted to get out for dinner and enjoy it!) a Lonestar song came on the "radio" and after a second, CS changed it to a different station. I protested because it's a good song and he almost never changes the station in the middle of a classic song. But then he told me that while it's a good song, it has some particular sentiment that he's not interested in revisiting. Which, of course. Honestly, that same song was once one of those "forbidden" songs I used to skip over when it came on unexpectedly. But none of those songs matter anymore. "You're Body Is A Wonderland" was a big one, and back in June, I caught myself texting the lyrics to him. Back in June. Before we'd even said anything about love. How did that happen?

Maybe, though, maybe it's because it's been years since those songs meant anything to me, and I only avoided them out of respect for what they once meant and how tormented I used to be by hearing them. I've been over all of that heartache for years now, so perhaps it's just time taking it's toll. Maybe I just need to give him time to get over the things he's been through. So he can listen to certain songs and appreciate them rather than remember who he was with in the past. Is this why you're not supposed to date someone right after a divorce? Or why "on the rebound" is such a bad thing. Because you always have these "What ifs" in your head. Even when you don't especially believe they are truly a concern.

I don't speak to CS about the things I put on here. He may or may not know I have a Blogger blog, and I don't point him in that direction. If he wants to find this, he can. But right now, it acts as my wailing wall. Where I put down the little insecurities. The thoughts I need to get out there, but I don't want to place on him. I don't need to be reassured of anything. I don't need him to hide things like that because he's afraid it might upset me, or cause a scene. He had a wife before me. I know this. I can't change it. So I'm accepting it, albeit somewhat slowly. I never was good with change. I've gotten over my broken heart. Maybe he's still mending his.

Someday, we'll be able to listen to all those songs, both of us, without any thought to those who came before.

Login!

I finally have a Login name and password for my classes. Or for the computer in my room. I can actually enter grades now. Which, I suppose I should be doing right now. Oh, wait. Can't. All my grades are in a packet that's currently in the computer lab. I'll do it during 4th period. Which the kidlets take a test. Online state testing is my friend.

Except for the fact that I hate No Child Left Behind because in actuality, it CANNOT work. It's not my job to teach that punkass kid who refuses to learn. I can only present the material. I can't make anyone remember it.

Yesterday, while we were having lunch, Coach asked me what I was eating. Just like he does everyday. I had brought leftover stuffed red peppers, the ones from Smitten Kitchen, I believe. It's full of eggplant, carrots, onions, and tomatoes with a little bit of ground chicken, topped with sour cream. It's very good, I recommend it! Anyways, it's sort of a game to me. I bring in weird food and he asks me what I'm eating, because I think he's glad he didn't end up with a woman who cooks squash and actually likes it! Poor CS. Honestly, I don't bring in really strange things, although if I lived near a Whole Foods, you know I would. I've brought hummus, pita, spaghetti squash, Progresso Soup, Taco Salad, ect. I eat somewhat healthy at lunch. Yesterday, when he sees my red pepper lunch, he asks if I ever just want some steak and a potato. Which, of course I do. Just not daily, like someone else I live with...who also doesn't like rice. OMG. So I told him about how I read food blogs lately and I've been cooking things from there, including my pumpkin cheesecake brownies. Everyone started giving me a hard time about how come they aren't seeing any of this at work! And my response was "I only send it to my friends!" Which was not how that was supposed to come out. And man, did I get in trouble for that. So I went home to redeem myself and I made Carrot Zucchini Muffins with Cream Cheese Frosting, recipe from Coconut and Lime's blog. They are pretty damn tasty. I wanted something with a Fall-ish taste but I didn't have a good recipe for pumpkin bread. I didn't want banana because I wanted to use cream cheese frosting. So I knew carrots needed to be involved but I wanted it to be healthier than carrot cake. Thus-Carrot Zucchini. In pretty little Fall colored leaf liners.

I think I redeemed myself. I'll have to think of something else for next week. Since I don't always have to stay after school on Wednesday because I'm technically a Sub, I get to leave at 2:30 instead of 3:30 the rest of the week. I am planning on taking that extra hour I have and making something for Thursday. Can you tell I miss brunches?

Internet, Let's Make Out!

No that I no longer get to play online for hours upon hours a day, I am relishing in my time spend online. I've found a slew of new websites to read, mostly cooking blogs, and I'm just loving it. I wish I could link to some things I've found recently, but Safari doesn't allow me to create linked sites. Why? Because it's L-A-M-E! Honestly, I don't understand that. I've had my Mac for three years now, had numerous Safari downloads, and still it's lacking. Are there other Mac compatible browsers that have everything I need?

I'm at the point where I want to have a real masthead, have a design for my blog. If I'm going to post frequently, then why not make it look good! Plus, I just signed up for NaBloPoMo! I'll be posting everyday in November. Won't you join me?

I'm in love with www.vogues.com. They have amazing chocolate products, and I'm desperate to try what they make. Chili powder and wasabi in chocolate? Sign me up! This weekend, I made pumpkin cheesecake brownies from Coconut and Lime. Tonight I made stuffed red peppers from Smitten Kitchen. I ordered two birthday presents off of Etsy this past month.

Annnd, I just remembered that i had a lot of grading to do tonight for my "Night" test on Friday and I did none of it. Plus, it's bedtime for this girl. This girl who now wakes up at 5 AM to go listen to aerobics music and hop around on a step like a tone deaf drunk in a bar.

20 Questions

Miss? You got a cell phone?
Miss? You live in Colorado?
Miss? How's your dog?
Miss? What kind of music do you like?
Miss? You like the Broncos?
Miss? Do you know who Lightning McQueen is?
Miss? Are you married?
Miss? Is that your daughter?
Miss? Is it cold outside?
Miss? Miss? Miss?

*EDIT*
Miss? What's your favorite kind of Hamburger Helper?
Miss? Are you dating?
Miss? Did you watch the game?
Miss? Are you going Trick or Treating?
Miss? Where do you live?
Miss? Are you Italian?

All those questions happened in about 5 minutes.

70 Dollars A Day

That's what I get paid now. Since I'm working this position longer than 6 weeks, I get an extra ten dollars a day. I'm not quite sure if that's really enough. But we'll see. It's not like I make any decisions about what I'm going to be teaching, or do normal things teachers do. Like send away for worksheets.

Things are going well. My kids in 2nd period commented today on how well behaved they have been for me. I suppose that's flattering, as they tortured the previous teacher. She was a great teacher, but extremely strict and probably not much fun. I feel badly for her. That after all her years of teaching, she retires from a horrid group of children that turn around and treat me like I deserve their attention and respect.

Remember that whole saga of this upcoming weekend? About wanting time with CS, then maybe babysitting, then not babysitting, and a trip to Texas? Yeah, all bets are off on that one. Tuesday, at the job site, another company cut LPR's power so they had to take time out to bring in generators and now they are all working this weekend. All my fretting, for naught. Lovely weekend with my boyfriend? Not happening. I guess that's a rookie mistake. Never assume that plans won't change. Nothing will stay the same until it's set in stone.

I'll keep making plans though, like I have some control over my future, and what it is I want to do with it.

I'm Going To Need Some More Money

They asked me to be a long term sub again. Until Christmas, this time. That's nine weeks away. I'm going to be in charge of teaching them the material, grading, everything! So. I'm going to need more money. You wanna wait to pick an English teacher? Then you gotta pay for the work being done. And $60 a day? Not enough, my friends.

Since I'm going to be in the same room for weeks, I went out and got a few supples. One- A Swear Jar. Students must pay me if they utter innapropriate language. I'm really, really tempted to ban "shut up" from my room. Along with faggot, that's gay, slurs of any kind, and general stupidity. Is that wrong? Teens are so mean to each other, and they say such horrid things in jest. Completely appalling, too.

I'll think of some examples later. I need to go to bed, so I can get up at 5 AM in the morning.

Yeah, 5 AM. To go do Aerobics.

The Other Woman

Once, weeks ago (weeks seem like months, is that just me?) CS was sitting on the couch and I was at the table by my computer. We hadn't been talking, and he goes to ask me something, I forget what. And he says "Hey Kristen...Jess." Then we just looked at each other. "We were just talking about her!" he says, with a tone of instant remorse at the words he just uttered. I kept looking at him, my eyes big and my jaw dropped. "There are a lot worse places you could have said that," is all I say.

In his defense, we had been talking about her. She had called that night, while we wear sitting outside our front door, eating chips and salsa out of the jar. Whenever she calls, without fail, CS looks at his phone...sees her number...sighs...flips it open... and says "Hello?" Like, "I know who this is, but I am extending no effort to make you feel welcome to call me." I told him that that night and we did start a small conversation about her and what happened with them. I don't know all the details, nor do I want to. I know a little bit, but I don't want to bring her and him into our relationship out of simple curiosity. As far as I know, she doesn't call often. She calls for a reason here and there, but those reasons are starting to die out as everything becomes final and their life together is no more.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should ever worry about her getting him back. If marriage bonds really are that strong. You hear stories about exes getting back together, working things out. Honestly, I think it would be impossible for them to go back, to fall in love. But on an especially rough day, it's a little fear in a small corner of my mind. Maybe it's because I'm naive, and I believe that when you say "I do" and you bind yourself to another person, part of you can never escape those bonds. That marriage is the welding of two fleshes, and to separate that, you must cut it away. And if you do, are you ever whole again? Even if we are happy and meant to be together, she will always be the first. I'd be lying if I said that never hurts me.

Texas: A Watership Down Experience

I've never read "Watership Down" but I know it features rabbits as an illusion to people or society, something. But we drove through Texas last night and I saw more cottontail rabbits on the side of the road in 8 hours than I have ever seen in my life. CS tried to hit one, too. Ya'll can beat on him for that.

Anyways, we drove to El Paso last night to drop off my favorite family, ??? (or what I am going to refer to them from this moment), at the airport. El Paso is about 4 hours away, and right next to Mexico. Basically, I drove to Mexico and back last night. This all began at noon on Saturday, when I brought lunch to CS and he told me that we were taking the ??? family to El Paso. All five of them. Plus me and CS. In his truck. I said ok, like I always do, before thinking this through. 7 people. In a truck for 5. And one of those 7 is a toddler, and needs a car seat. Hmm. "This must be a joke", I thought to myself. I even sent him a text saying "You liar! We are so not going to El Paso tonight."

But then we did.

And it was long. So long. Just picture this for four hours: Front seat- CS and I. (Is that wrong that I got to sit in the front?) Back seat- Age 9, Mom, Age 10, and Age Two in a car seat. In the bed of the truck- Dad. For 215 miles.

Now, let me say this. One on one, and overall, I don't have a problem with Family ???. They are a great group, and have done many, many wonderful things for us. And will do them in the future. I have no doubts. They are great friends, and good children.

But, all together and in a space the size of a bathroom, I tend to silently lose my mind. If it's not the baby saying "You're stupid" and throwing toddler tantrums that never get nipped in the bud, it's the 4th grader's complaining of being bored, or the Mom who treats her children like she is the older sister and is being forced to watch her bratty half sister's while their parents are out for the night, the the Dad who tells the Mom to "just shut up!" I have never been around a family like this. It's the embodiment of the worst characteristics a family can have. On hand, it's good to see this because it re-enforces how I will and won't behave with my children and my husband when I have them. But on the other, I have to put myself through this on a regular basis because they are our friends and sometimes I have a great time with them. It's about 70% Great Fun and 30% Poke My Eye Out.

This weekend is the three day weekend where we were going to watch the kids, but we don't have to! They found someone else to do it, probably because of me. No one says anything about how I might feel toward them but I'm pretty sure it's a known thing. Some times I think I need to explain to CS that I won't be like this with our kids, that I don't dislike children. I'm just so uncomfortable around them. Such a shame I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

The Truck Wants to Make Out With Me, And Buy Me Pretty Things!

Or maybe just marry me.

Why? Because I took it in to be serviced, and I vaccumed it, and I attempted to wash it! Automatic car washes are not an option for CS's beloved truck. No way, dudes. So I washed it by hand, with a bucket of car wash soap. Did you know there is such thing as car wash soap? I have never thought to wonder, until now. Now I just know. Only buy Maguires. Ok? I'm sure you were worried about what kind to use, and possibly you have been using the wrong kind. So start with the "good for your car" kind tomorrow.

I say I attempted to wash it because it's very dirty and covered in mud. And the water here leaves spots and white streaks when it dries too fast. I am just a short little girl who doesn't really know how to wash cars, much less huge trucks. But I did my best. And I cleaned out all the trash in the bed of the truck too.

Seriously, this truck wants to marry me now.

I accomplished quite a lot on my day off today. Flies have taken residence on our back screen door and the window above the kitchen sink, so last night I smeared up my windows trying to kill all the awful flies that invaded while we were making dinner. I killed a lot. Not many of them returned tonight! I vaccumed the house, cleaned the bathroom, waited around for the maintenence men to show up and fix the damn door already. Which they did. I heard loud bangs while I was in the shower, and I'm glad I didn't need to let them in. It's so nice now, I no longer have to slam the door shut or drag it open! It's like magic now, and so quiet. They also manages to somehow lock me into the house when they fixed it. The deadbolt on the front door doesn't work and when I came down to open the door for them to tell me they had finished, I discovered I was locked in. So I had to go out the back and work the key around in the lock before it opened again. After he saw that it was broken, he told me they would come back and they actually did! Fixed my deadbolt and gave me a key! Which is good, because you can totally open that door with a credit card. I am better not knowing that information, but I made CS tell me how he and our guests were getting in when they had lost his key. Then I made him show me how to open a door with a credit card. Just in case, you know?

After my house was all spiffy and clean, I went to get the truck and take it to Ford for a ton of services. I was there for an hour and a half, and only at the end did some annoying man start to talk to me. Luckily, they called my name. Actually, they called me Mrs. Slattery, about three times before I realized he was calling me. Hey! It's not my name! Oh, but you don't know that...Just gonna roll with it. Close enough to it, anyways. I also have his credit card and account password. It's not my fault I'm so good with finances! Plus, when I had no money and nothing to do, I felt really isolated in my position. So I control the money. He just makes it. Riiight.

And that's why he's buying a Wii on Friday.

Putting Off Bedtime

I'm not sure why I don't want to go to bed. I'm also not sure why I'm watching a movie about sled dogs racing across the Arctic to find their master, either. Hunt wants to know who the hell is barking and why can't we play? Sorry, buddy, TV dogs are the only pals you've got right now. But this is too funny, he really thinks that there is a dog somewhere in the apartment, he just doesn't realize it's on TV. And now....he's looking out the window.

I am cruel.

I've been thinking for the past few days that CS and I need a little break away from the norm here in NM. I feel bad for him because he's so tired all the time. He works hard all day, comes home, eats dinner, watches some TV with me, and then falls asleep around 9. My life isn't spent working, like his, but I do spend very little with him. I know that when I get home I want to sit in front of my computer and veg out, so he does that too. I can't force him to go out and do something every night because 1) that's hard to do here, and 2) he's exhasted. I told him yesterday that we needed to take a vacation. He told me today that he's not working the third weekend in October. All the foremen are having a workshop or conference in Denver and he will have time off. "YES!" I thought, right away. That's perfect. Three days for us to just be, maybe we can get away from here. Secretly, I want to go to Austin, TX and play around there. But then he goes on. His boss and friend, the one we stayed with in the beginning, is going to the Denver meeting. And he wants to bring his wife. And not his kids. Apparently, they have been fighting a lot because they haven't had any time together sans children. So he asked if CS and I would stay with the kids at night while they are gone. Someone else would watch them during the day, but we'd take over at night.

And I...just. don't. know. I want to say no, but I feel like that's not an option. CS is their unofficial "godfather" so is it wrong to put ourselves first? And you all know it's no secret that I have a difficult time around the kids. They are of an age I don't relate to, and their lack of discipline makes it hard for me to enjoy them. So to give up three days of time with my boyfriend? The boyfriend I see and talk to for three hours daily? That's hard. Yeah, I understand it's rough to live this life, to move around, to have kids in tow. But that's why we don't have kids. Why we won't have kids and live like this. I want my kids to have a stable home and I want to have friends that are mine, not my husband's coworker's wife or GF. I want to be selfish here and say "You picked this, and I need time with my significant other, too" but maybe that's out of line here.

I'm not even sure if we could afford to go anywhere on this three day weekend, but that's three days I could be with CS and actually get to know the man more. See him well rested again, and check some of the world around us, together. Babysitting is not my idea of a fantastic long weekend. I'm not sure if I've officially said Yes or No, though. More of an "I guess" in a reluctant, I can't look at your face when I say that because I know my feelings are written all over my face, sort of way.

I De-Lurked. Take That, Internet Shyness!

I did! I posted on almost every blog I read on a daily basis.

Also, I bought a new pair of shoes today and I'm really on my way out the door to walk Hunty. He's been fussing at me for the past thirty minutes, and I'd best get my butt out the door before CS gets back from work. So I can start dinner, you know.

Always, these shoes better be nicer to my feet than the last pair I bought. These:



Those are the shoes of Evil. And I returned them. After wearing them TWICE. But hey, I'm not paying $50 for a pair of shoes I cannot wear. Especially when they come from a place called the Shoe Dept. Sorry! Give me my money back. Now.

Also, kids from Hell? Continue to be that way. I'm thinking it's time for a visit from my pal, the Principal.

Please Stop Shouting.

Sometimes this is my day. Actually, right now, it's 55 minutes from 1:30 to 2:25. And it's less asking "please" and more wanting to throw something at the little fucks. They are so obnoxious. I may or may not have "Discipline Action" slips ready and waiting on their desks tomorrow, if I could only figure out their names.

We are reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel and so we have been talking a lot about how something as terrible as the Holocaust is possible. And wouldn't you know it, but I had a student use a Jewish slur on another student RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. He must have realized that that was a big, big mistake when my jaw dropped and I instantly got the Wicked Witch look on my face, followed by an "that is not acceptable" lecture.

Other than that, things are going well. It's lucky they are teaching something I know a lot about and so I can just tell all I know to them. The OCS teacher tried to fix me up with someone but luckily I have a boyfriend.

Speaking of the boyfriend, he is currently sleeping in the chair next to me. He went to the Dr. today for the hundred-plus bites he has all over his lower body. They didn't actually know what he was bitten by, and they just told him to take Benedryl and some antibiotics for the next few days. I feel so bad, his whole lower body is just covered with welts. The nurse told me not to let him go fishing anymore. Apparently, that's not an option.

PS. That's my new catch phrase. In case you were wondering, what does Jess say constantly? Mom's going to teach JBelle that soon. I can't wait!

I'm also being a fanstastic English Major and reading Wuthering Heights for the first time. I always feel like I get to pat myself on the back for reading the Classics on my own. I am enjoying it immensely! Did you know that it's a great story? And a rather quick read, I'm already halfway done and I've had about two hours of reading time. What should be on my list when I finish? I still haven't read "Age of Innocence" or "Sense and Sensibility", should one of those be my next choice?

Oh, also, if some of this is mispelled or an obvious error, it's because the spell check doesn't work with Safari and Blogger. And I'm too lazy to copy and paste into a word document and then check and paste again. So, really I'm not an idiot. I just type faster than my fingers can spell. I really can spell! Quite well!

Can I Post Photos, Safari?

I decided to buy some new clothes. And I'm a tad bit bored, as CS is asleep after an evening of suffering through over 100 welts all over his lower body, and the laundry is still going. I took some pics of the new clothes, actually, I took photos of the fabric. Ok, so this is going to be a "wanna be artsy" photo blog. Sorry. I'm not really artsy. I don't have an eye for color. Unless it's lovely yarn. Nor do I take really nice photos.

I live in New Mexico and I have no friends here so, um, yeah!



This is a lovely sweater I plan on wearing once I lose five pounds. Hmm. That's so wrong to buy clothes knowing you want to lose the squishyness before it's worn. Or, maybe I'll just buy those Old Navy stretchy pants...




This is a flowy, smocked peasanty shirt that is so the look I am going for. Tomorrow is Nerd Day at school, maybe I can wear that. I'll fit right in. Or maybe I fit right in anyways.




I love these pants. They might be kind of loud, but who cares. They are a size 6 and they rock my world.





As you can see, I was wearing this shirt when I took the photo. Also? A shirt like this should not be worn on the first day of October. It's just too Spring-like for Fall. Although, when does it start being Fall around here? Or do we just fall straight into winter? Bummer. I love Fall.

Brought To You By Jolly Rancher- Apple Flavor

I'm sort of in love with hard candy right now. It's just fun to have something to entertain my mouth when gum or candy isn't an option. It's really hard to eat food in the classroom, and chewing gum is annoying while I talk. This is much less obvious, and also tasty!

I'm doing a week of English subbing at the Freshman school starting tomorrow. I love the Freshman school. The faculty has been so great, I feel completely welcome there. I travelled around on Wednesday for teachers who had meetings during the day, and most of the time the teachers returned before I had to relieve another and I was able to have a conversation with them. Maybe I'm just starved for interaction. But I don't want to just be some substitute who comes in and watches the class, then takes off. I want them to know that I am capable of being in charge and that I'm not inferior simply because I don't have a teaching certificate. Not that any of them treat me like that, but I can see how it might be possible. If I'm going to do something, I want to know how to do it well. At the library, I got so bored. I knew how to do everything and it turned into something so monotanous. This job changes all the time. Whether it's because I'm subbing for science or math, or even English, it's always something new. Love it!

I really need to run to the post office, walk Hunt, shower, and dress for dinner at the Casino. I sort of want to sew instead.

I Think Some Pie Is In Order

I don't know how to make pie. But I may try tomorrow. If nothing else, after this stint in New Mexico, I will be a proficient baker. Maybe I can perfect chocolate chip cookies, as mine always seem to come out badly. I wonder what kind of pie I should make. Or maybe you all want me to make something that's shippable.

Somehow I think that will be the overwhelming desire. Hmm, what's fun and shippable? Fudge? Cookies, again? Brownies? Too bad cake and cupcakes are not shippable. I would like to make those!

So we were supposed to go to Carlsbad Caveran tomorrow, but CS has to attend some sort of CPR class in order to keep his job, which is a good thing, but that means no trip to Carlsbad. And I was really looking forward to that. I don't know why, but I was. So that disappointment, on top of CS falling asleep tonight at 5 and not wanting to wake up for dinner (which took me a while to make) has me kind of bummed out tonight. Or maybe I've reached my limit of "alone time" and I would like to have a friend here. One that I'm not dating, and one that has similar interests to my own rather than just the fact that our significant others work together. I wonder if any of the teachers at the school are close to my age, or if I'm sort of out of the loop on that. Being 24 isn't easier. I think it's harder, because now people are starting families as opposed to going out and drinking. I know that none of my OWU friends are doing that, but that's because we are special and we value education over procreating RIGHT NOW like many of society chooses to do.


***********

So two days later...

I ended up talking to CS after all that and I feel better now. Mostly I was just frustrated that I made dinner, and then ate dinner alone. I realize he works hard, all day long and six days a week. But I also spend a majority of my time doing things and waiting for him to come home. I'm going to work on going out and doing things in the evening, as opposed to making dinner and watching TV all evening. That's a winter thing. It is fall. So first up on the list: Rollerskating! I'm thinking tomorrow.

We did end up going to Carlsbad in the afternoon and it was COOL. The caverns are huge, it's amazing that this was created and that it still stands. I'll put up photos in my Facebook and Myspace, but sadly it was so dark in there that it's hard to tell what you're looking at. I highly recommend them if you are ever down in the Southwest. And especially if you enjoy geology, like I did (Thanks, Dr. Mann). There was one section called the Bottomless Pit, which has a bottom and also Fairyland, which I thought looked a lot like something in Dante's Inferno and maybe we were in a circle of hell. What shocked me the most was the fact that they have the Lower Caves and they haven't even been explored yet! There are tunnels and caverns that no one has been into! How cool is that? I am speechless over it.

I should get baking on that pie now. And maybe some Snickerdoodles for my lovely friends!

I Resorted To Sticky Notes.

Yesterday afternoon one of the houseguests brought down a bunch of glasses and mugs that had been sitting in their room for days. I refused to do them. All evening, I knew those dishes were in the sink. They made dinner with everything still sitting in the sink. I also didn't do the dinner dishes, just left them on the counter. This morning, the female faction of our guests left without touching them (they left the cooked chicken out over night! And all day!) so before I left this morning, I put a sticky note on her computer asking her to do the dishes, take out the trash, and put away the food.

And I came home to a clean kitchen and no houseguests!

Seriously, they moved out.

Ok, ok, not because of that. They found a place yesterday and all their furniture was moved this afternoon. Thus, they are gone! Perhaps I will miss not having houseguests to hang out with in the evening. But I'll take a clean house and no one using my towels after I do with much glee!

Hunter and I went to the Dog Daze of Summer at the pool this afternoon. Just like the one I went to in Denver, they allowed all the dogs to run around and play in the water before they drain it. Hunter had a great time, he spent most of it in the water or chasing his new friend Doc around. I met a few people there, and I am hoping I'm brave enough to call her and maybe do lunch sometime. You never realize how much you miss having educated people around until there aren't any. I'm sure most of you never have that problem. Anyways, it was nice to get out and meet some people with dogs, wait, people with dogs who care about them. I'm going to a chili cook-off at the end of the month and maybe I can find some more friends! Oh, and I also got a hairdreser while I was at the pool. Perhaps I can find a Dr, or someone else useful!

For The One Who Has Read The Internet

You know who you are <3

Sorry I didn't post as promised last night. But I got home from school and broke into mass cleaning mode. I did everything in about three hours. Kitchen, vaccuming, windows, bathrooms. And in the end, I was happy. For about two hours before the f-ing tenants came back and fucked it all up.

Actually, I can't say that about all three of them. One is very nice and respectful of all that he does and I would let him sleep on my couch for as long as he needed. The other two, however, need their own maid service. And that does not make me a happy camper.

Unfortunately, this might have all been avoided if they hadn't started out on the wrong foot. See, Rule #1 in my "Book of Proper Houseguests" is Don't use the Hostesses make up, especially her eyeshadow brush. So, see? Hate, all in the first 24 hours. From there it's leaving shoes in places like the bathroom, cereal and milk in the sink, leaving plastic bags on the toaster while cooking something, MGD bottle caps all over the place, and lottery ticket shavings on the table. Yeah, I would have gotten annoyed by these things, eventually. Since I am clean here. And because I would respect someone else's house.

Ok, time for me to go sub again! But it's Wednesday, and that means short classes!!

Hola!

I am a substitute teacher!

I went back to Colorado for Labor Day!

I have three extra people living in my house!

Oh, I've got nothing else.

Substitute teaching. I went in on my birthday to apply for the sub list in Hobbs, and ended up with a long term positon. I started the next day. They didn't even ask to see my ID. They just gave me the paperwork and off I went. I'm teaching AP English to the 8th grade in the morning, and I go over to the Freshman High School in the afternoon to teach regular English to 6th and 7th period. It's going well, I really enjoy the middle school. They are actually willing to learn and talk to me, while the freshman just want to talk to each other and make a lot of noise. I don't know who thought that a freshman high school was a good idea, but I think that upperclassmen serve as role models to freshman in the form of intimidation and these kids are just not getting that on a daily basis. The middle school teachers I'm working with are nowhere nearly as helpful to me as the freshman teachers. Fortunately, I can understand what we are doing in middle school a lot better than the high school. Not that I don't understand the freshman curriculm but it's hard to teach something to people who won't shut up, so they don't make it easy on me to make mistakes or hem and haw about what to do next. I think I have about a week left before the actual teacher can be here, so I'll enjoy knowing what I'm doing on a daily basis for now.

Colorado was awesome. JBelle is so CHATTY. I taught her to do some yoga poses before I left, I think it was a successful trip. It's hard, because I had just gotten used to not seeing her and now I miss her crazy bad. She knows I'm in "Mexico" though, now she asks me "where you at, Jess? Mexico?" I just say yes. The best part about home, beside being home, was Whole Foods. How do people live happy lives without one close by? I just feel better right now knowing that I have Whole Foods items in my fridge. Like Banilla yogurt and some special cheeses, and Peace Pasta. I love you. I don't understand about how I can be so close to Texas and yet nowhere near a Whole Foods or a Wild Oats. Oh, wait. Yes, I can. Because Target is so far away.

The quest for loosing the chubbiness is going well, now that I have a job that requires I not sit on a couch all day. Also, I take two walks a day. Plus one hundred sit-ups and som yoga. I enojy it. And the walks are good for Hunter.

Ok, time for grading. Maybe I'll write up the adventures of houseguests later.

24

I really liked the Golden Brthday year of 23. But it's a lot nicer to say 24. Something about even numbers. I like them.

So 24 things about me:

1. I like to eat bananas with peanut butter from the jar.
2. I only use salon products on my hair. I was a receptionist at a hair salon when I was 16 and I got hooked. Plus, I have great hair.
3. I got Hunter because I wanted a big, male dog. Now, I want a Great Dane. Black female, with droopy ears.
4. I get wistful when I think about Europe, and I've only been to London once. I think it's because all the novels I read are historical fiction and they are set in London, Paris, Rome. Someday, I need to go see all the things I've read about. And maybe move there.
5. I love peacocks. I even taugh JBelle to mimic them.
6. I don't budget on a computer. I write everything down on a piece of paper from a tablet, subtracting each bill from the amount I've been paid. I do this multiple times a pay period.
7. I'm going to start teaching English tomorrow. As a sub for three weeks.
8. I have NO idea how to teach.
9. I'm sort of nervous. It's for upper Middle School and the Freshman High School. Halp!
10. I love trail mix. Especially the kind from Wal-mart, Sam's Choice Mountain Trail. Dear lord, it's wonderful.
11. I fold my underwear into neat little squares. I really don't mind folding and putting away clothes. It's kind of mindless and organized.
12. I've read Dolly Parton and Reba McIntire's biographies.
13. I used to want to be a country singer.
14. I have a good sense of direction when it comes to driving around in new places.
15. I don't function well if I don't shower daily.
16. I tell everyone Hunter is a pure Lab, but I have my doubts. Our vet thinks he might be part Doberman, because of his markings. I think he looks a lot like his dad, but maybe that's just the evil, yellow eyes.
17. I've raised pigs for about half my life. It started for 4-H, then it was just for the bacon. And, man, is that bacon good.
18. I don't like "cheap beer" but I love me some microbrews!
19. I'm about a year yonger than all my OWU friends. Which is nice, as they will always be older than I am and I can never feel "old" around them.
20. I want to make a quilt someday.
21. My first shot when I turned 21 was a Chocolate cake one, and Damian lit the sugar on fire. I wish I would have worked at a bar that made those kind of shots. You know, the good ones.
22. I want my first child to be a girl. And I might want to stop after just one.
23. I like to take the little cap on the faucet off to clean out the debris that collects inside. And I can never get it back on properly.
24. I'm obsessed with the Food Network. I watch it all the time.