Friday, February 12, 2010

Nothing But A Heartbreak Town

Tonight, after I put Jacob in his Pj's and brushed his teeth and rocked his sturdy body to sleep, I went to the bar.

I went to the bar to find CS.

And I did. Even though he left at 8 PM to go on a fire call. He was there.

Having a beer.

Talking to a woman who I do not know. I didn't ask who she was. Maybe she's no one. Or maybe she's someone he was with last night, when I woke up at 4 AM to let the crying dog out and CS wasn't there. I don't know. It doesn't really matter.

It's over now.

I've glossed over my relationship with him so much in the past because he reads this and I never wanted to air dirty laundry to everyone. But this is for me. So that I can't pretend I didn't walk in to a bar and see the man I agreed to have a baby with, the man I thought I'd marry, have more babies with, grow old with, sitting with another woman and knowing I had no idea what he could have been doing. I should have though. A man who goes to the bar and buys alcohol when he can't put food on the table for his son is clearly not a good man. A man who spends the day in bed, only getting up to go to class followed by the bar is not a good daddy. I do not know the man I've been sleeping next to and that scares me to death.

So I went back to the house, and started to slowly and quietly pack our things. He's not said a word to me and I don't expect him to come back until the early morning hours, if he does at all.

I deserve better than this. Jacob deserves more than this.

4 comments:

closetangel said...

Oh honey. Hug. Hug.Hug.Hug. If you and Jacob ever need a place in Indiana - you've got one.
But it comes with a cat. And me.

CallieSam said...

Oh my gosh. I know I don't know you, but I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish you and your son the best of luck. You and he deserve better.

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

In past relationships, I have been cheated on. If I teach my daughter anything, I would like to teach her to not give second chances to a cheater. Sadly so.

I am sorry for you and your son. Be kind to yourself.

Dorie said...

Hi- I'm Dorie from Maryland. Just wanted to delurk to let you know I'm so sorry you and your little guy are going through this.