Monday, September 28, 2009


My friend and I went to a 90 minute "business conference" this evening because they said we'd get a free ipod if we sat through the talk.

We didn't.

And they fed us sandwiches. Gross ones. The only redeeming thing is that we got a cake cookie with dinner. And that we got free MP3 players, we just have to wait 6 weeks. And they aren't ipods.

Honestly, we knew it wasn't going to be fun. I just wanted a free ipod shuffle. And I thought dinner would be better than a stupid sandwich because it was in one of the nicer banquet rooms this city has. But, no. It was a sad event.

However, the good news is that Jacob made it through three hours with his daddy. No mama around, and he did it! There was some crying on Jacob's part, and some texting from CS but I didn't have to leave early and when I walked in the door, there were no tears streaming down the baby's face. He just ran to me and laid himself on my lap, nuzzling his face into my chest and beaming up at me.

Three hours isn't much, but it's the most we've been apart since his inception.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Boys Will Be Boys

Jacob was given the hose by Gramma Gramma a few weeks ago. Somehow, he discovered how to drink from it. I just want to know how he knew to put it between his legs so he could pretend like he's peeing all over everything. Clearly, this is nature vs. nurture.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

My Life Is Honey

It never fails that after I post a "woe is me" letter, I get smacked in the face with some reality. Like Sunday, when I went to church and the guest pastor spoke about grumbling less about how life sucks and doing more to suck the sweetness out of those bad times. Then to hit it ever harder, he talked about a woman in the hospital in a third world country, holding her injured daughter and praising God because He's never let her children go hungry for more than a day.

Having never gone hungry for more than a few hours, not to mention NEVER seeing my child hungry and unable to feed him, that's a little hard to ignore. I'm terribly blessed to be able to stay home with Jacob and not be starving in a swamp in Alabama. I had a place to sleep, even when I hate how things are. I have a place to bake cupcakes for my son's birthday, so I'm trying to ignore the fact that CS's mom goes in after me and re-arranges the dishes I put in the dishwasher. My mom bought me a new fleece lined hoodie so I can be warm on these almost fall mornings. Which, WTF, Colorado? Stop it with the FALL mornings. I want my summer back.

So I'm trying to be more positive. To think about the things I do have, instead of what I want. It's hard, at least once a day I want to walk out and never come back. But I try to remember that CS has a job, Jacob is healthy (even if I took him to get shots today and it made him sad, crabby, and weepy). Life isn't easy, but mine is honey.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Life In A Small Town

Tonight, we went to the football game for the old high school I went to freshman year. Granted, the school has a new, shiny building so it's not the exact spot where I once attended games, clad in a jersey of the player I was dating, but still the same name and the blue and gold colors. And it made me want to bemoan my life to one of my friends but I couldn't because I knew she'd just say "you chose it" and I'd have to agree.

When I went with CS to his 10 year reunion at Manhattan's (now Kate's) where I used to work on Wednesday and Saturday (and where I hung out on a nightly basis if we're being honest) the DJ asked me why I was back when I had left with such big plans. Of course, the truth of the matter is that I didn't exactly choose this plan. I mean, I did by choosing to stay with CS and his decision brought us back here. I could have stayed behind in multiple places, everywhere we have gone I want to stay because I get attached. I love being back home, and seeing my mom and my friends here. But I love to leave. After being here too long, I want to go. I've lived here long enough and I'd love nothing more than to pack it all up and go back to Alabama, Arizona, New Mexico, Ohio. Or even somewhere new. I wish we had that option now. But CS's job promises to keep getting better. I wish it would get better faster so we could live on our own and get past this awful stage. But CS can't quit his job because he needs it so we just have to wait for them to follow through on the myriad of promises they have given. It sucks, I hate it. I hate not being able to pay the bills because they won't pay him the amount they told him. But at least he has a job he likes and that he goes to, everyday. Even on a holiday weekend. I hate living where we do and the minute he gets his raise, we are moving to our own house. Where we can all sleep in the same bed together, and the dog can join us. I'm just trying to get through this phase. Hopefully, we move into a phase where things are easier. Where I can get past the fact that I'm living in the same place I have been trying to escape since I was 16. Sometimes, I look at my life and wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to make the same choices. To avoid all the bad things that have happened and make my life easier. Hindsight is a bitch. Part of me has such a hard time with my life because I have spend the last year at home with Jacob. I haven't been making my own money and taking care of myself. I've been relying on CS to do it, and there's a lot of trust in giving over all the things that I was proud of and now it seems like my life is in shambles and I can't put it back together without giving my son up during the day.

I try not to let myself dwell on these things, but after a bad day, sometimes it's hard to forget. But there is always tomorrow, as long as the baby lets me sleep past 6 AM.

Monday, September 07, 2009

A Boy and His Ball

The boy didn't eat any cake at his birthday party but he did enjoy a soapy foam ball for a good amount of time. I'm calling it a success.

Friday, September 04, 2009

My Son

Dear Jacob,

Happy Birthday, grumblymunch! You woke up early yesterday morning, probably because I put you to bed at 8 the night before. I haven't seen many 7 AM mornings since we moved back to Colorado since our bedroom is West facing and sunlight doesn't touch your pretty face anymore. I didn't mind, but then you took a nap before 9, which gave me a chance to work out and shower. Then we had to go to Gramma's house and take Emma to the groomers. You loved to feed the groomer's huge dog treats. I only gave you one to give him, but after you figured out that he likes to eat them, you kept sticking your chubby finger out and chuckling when he gently took it into his mouth as he searched for a biscuit.

We drove to have lunch with Gramma in the park, and you fell asleep in the car on the way there. I let you sleep and you woke up after a bit, cried once and waited until I got you out. Then you ran around the park like a little wild child, holding a french fry, chocolate malt on your lips, and shaking your booty whenever I called out a song.

You climbed up a rock and it made you poop, which made you cry and ended our time outside. You really hate pooping. But you love toilets, especially sticking your hands in the potty water. This makes me cringe, mostly because you also love sticking your fingers in my mouth.

You love the library, you love being outside. The dogs are your favorite play toys, and when daddy comes home from work, you scramble up the stairs to see him. You love to nurse, but Cheeto puffs and Cheerios are always welcome. You hardly ever sleep past 1 AM in your crib, and I let you sleep with me without complaining too much. You have 10 teeth and you are working on 2 more. You can say "mama," "dada," "ya-ya" (bye bye), "yay Jacob," and you can cluck like a chicken and moo like a cow. Sorta. You fake laugh and fake cough and you think sneezing is funny. You bite when you're angry. You can spend almost a whole sermon in the nursery, and each time I pick you up afterwards, I'm a little sad you didn't need me earlier.

I thought I couldn't love you more when you were just a little blob on my lap, unable to sit up alone or say "mama." But now, you are my little man, always following me around the house, sitting on my chest when I do sit-ups, and snuggling next to me in the mornings. Today, I sat on the porch steps and watched you play in the yard, your onsie soaking wet from drinking out of the hose, a pair of Mardi Gras beads around your neck, standing on the Dora 4-wheeler, and yelling "YA-YA" as loudly as you could. And I thought, this is the perfect life.

Thank you, Jacobey. I love you!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009


How did this happen? September always marks the start of fall. Even now, the weather is already cooler and some days it's too chilly to think about playing in the pool. Although today was 95 degrees and I did get in the pool! Except I wish I hadn't because it needs some chlorine STAT. I cleaned the leaves and bug gunk out though; while Jacob chased Hunter around the yard.

My brother is down in Alabama and I'm tempted to try and get him to agree to support me so I can go live down there for the rest of winter. I'm pretty sure he'll say no, though. Since he's going to have his own baby and he doesn't need mine anymore. But then again, I do have Hunter and they are gay lovers so maybe he'll say yes!

In two days, Jacob is turning one and I would like to know where my year has gone. Because last year, over Labor day weekend, I was hugely pregnant and taking lots of naps. This year, I will be hosting a party for my Goombee boy. Complete with chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting for kids and chocolate cupcakes with Baileys frosting for adults. And I hope there is beer. Although CS's parents bought most of the food the other day at Sam's Club so maybe I can't buy beer. Or I'll just give my mom money and tell her to bring it. There must be a way to get around Prohibition. Right?

So while fall bring my baby's birthday, I am most upset about it because my tan is lacking and there are only so many days left to get it perfect. So I can look pretty all winter. (Also, I cut my hair and I need some blonde back. It's a lot shorter so it's a lot darker.)