Thursday, April 26, 2007

Hunty Boy Turns Two! Part Two-The Second Year

Hunter is a funny boy. This plastic jar holds his toys. But he discovered that it was a lot of fun to chew on, and also stick his head into and bump into the furniture. Ok, maybe I just thought it was fun to watch him bump into the furniture.

He could also be convinced into almost any situation. I flipped my mattress one day, and it took little persuasion to get him into the middle and bam, dog sandwich.

Emma was horrified at the dog antlers. Hunter? Doesn't even know they are on his head.

He likes to sleep in awkward positions. Usually curled into an impossible ball on your lap, but sometimes just hanging off the couch.

He likes stuffed animals. Even the non-squeak kind. They sleep with him. Or rather, he sleeps on them.

When I'm gone, my mom likes to ask him "Where's your momma?" and he runs to the door to look for me. (sometimes he does this even when I'm sitting in the same room, possibly telling him to look for his momma) But he does love his momma. Last night, I had a dream about BB showing up to see me at the bar and I woke up to Hunter crawling up the bed along my body to rest his head on my pillow right next to me. If that's not love, then I don't know what love is!

Hunty Boy Turns Two! Part One-The First Year

Hunter turned two yesterday, he was born April 25th, 2005. He was seven weeks old when I got him, so that makes it the first week of June that I got him. He had a huge litter, and one of every color. The runt was black, and so cute. Hunter had very distinctive markings on his face and chest. His other Chocolate brother was very heavy. Also, I paid WAY too much for him because he is unpapered, but purebred. Maybe. My vet seems to think that since he has such light markings that he could be part Lab, part something else because dogs can have two daddies. His mother was such a tramp.

This was the second day I had him. He was so tiny. See his light eyebrows and band on his chest. They are still there, and they get blond in the summer time!

I love this picture because he has green eyes. That bowl he's sitting in? Months later became his food bowl. It also gave him pimples! -

This means he has good hips. It also makes him look like a frog and I like that!

Here we are, establishing dominancy. Bad dog owner, Jess.

Here we are having fun on the porch after work. I always rushed home to be with him, I felt so bad leaving him alone in the bathroom, and I was so glad when he was big enough to stay outside with the girls.

He's only four months in this picture. He just keeps getting bigger.


For Five Bucks?

Last night, when I was working my (sober) butt off bartending because Chris wanted to mess around for his last night as a Wednesday bartender, I realized that I was doing something I never saw myself capable of. Spending an evening with a man old enough to be my dad, who I didn't know from Adam, who was also drunk. And to be fair, he was a nice guy. He was respectful, not vulgar, and not creepy. But still at a bar, alone on a Wednesday night. I talked to him a lot. Granted, he was sitting next to Amanda and I was talking to her too. And I could have been snobby, and moved Amanda down the bar, and only gotten him new drinks. But I wouldn't have made ten dollars off him, nor did it make me feel uncomfortable to converse with him. I don't make a habit of being friendly to a lot of people there because they get the wrong impression and think we are friends (which leads to hugs that are NOT ok) or to awkward "can we go out to dinner sometime" conversations. But it is a service industry and part of what I'm selling is me. I get paid five dollars an hour and I keep all my tips. But how hard is it to open a bottle of Bud Light? Or mix a drink. I don't get tipped because I pour awesome shots. I'm tipped because it's expected and they like me. Or they don't ever tip, and then I hate them. I guess what I mean is, it doesn't hurt me to socialize and be friendly to someone who isn't of my age bracket, or life style, or economic status. I get paid for it! It's not something I thought I'd be doing a few years ago, when I was sitting at the Backstretch every night (why didn't I do the 50 day club? I'll never know.) and I'm glad that I've been able to do the bartending thing. It's been fun.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Never Mind

I didn't have surgery today. I didn't realize that the sheet they sent from the hospital said no Aspirin. And I took two Excedrin yesterday. I didn't even think about it. It wasn't until I told my mom that night and she said it was bad did I check the paper again. I told my nurse, and she said she thought it would be ok. We told my Dr. and he said he didn't think it would be smart of us to proceed. Aspirin affects the entire life of a platelet, and that life is 14 days long. He said that there is too much risk in blood loss for an elective surgery. And I can come back next week. But I was so bummed. I cried. I just wanted to be able to feel normal after the pain was gone. And now I have to wait. I won't be able to work the Blossom Festival. But it will be done, and it will be done safely.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Count Back From Ten

I am going in for my tonsils tomorrow. I suspect that I will only get to 8 before I go under. And when I wake up, I will have so much room in my throat. For things like, air. I'm having such a hard time breathing. I cannot wait for these monsters to be gone.

So think of me tomorrow at 9 AM, which would be 11 AM Eastern time.

I bought a lot of stuff today for this week. Lots of liquids, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to eat. I bought Mac and Cheese, and Chicken and Stars. I have popsicles, which I just found out are made with Splenda, sorbet, and yogurt. Natural soda, apple juice, and Gatorade. Applesauce and peaches. I plan on sending mom to get me cheesy, bean burritos from Taco Bell. And I'll probably want Miso soup from MoMo's.

I'm also going to want lots of chips and I'm going to be pissed I can't eat them. Sharp edges are a no no.

I'm not that nervous about going in. I'm really looking forward to my throat not feeling like it's slowly closing and to breathe normally and talk like I used to. I'm not looking forward to being in pain and on meds for a week. I'm really bothered by that, actually. I've been so go, go, go for the past few months, that just laying around for so many days is going to drive me stir crazy. So keep me entertained! I just wish I had wireless. This dial-up is going to drive me up the wall! How am I going to load Myspace!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Too Many Chapsticks

Ok Girls. I'm tagging all of you to do this. It's easy! Yay, blog fodder!

I believe that Whoorl did this a while back. And since I bought a new purse today, I cleaned out my old one. I put the contents on the floor and took pictures just to show you. Honestly, this isn't all that goes in my purse. But I left my "Get Ready For Bed" bag at L's house on Monday. It will not fit in the new purse. Bummer.

Anyways. This is what I had in my old purse:

All neat and tidy on the floor. So unlike how it's thrown into my bag. Here is part one of a close up, so I can explain it all for ya.

Gum. Lots of it because I like it. Also, mints because sometimes I don't like to chew gum, mostly at work. Cell phone is my BFF. Pink Vera wallet for the bar. It holds everything I need and it's still small. Blue Vera Wallet holds my check book and cash and cards. Black Vera Pouch hold my pain meds and some mouthwash from a hotel. Striped zip up make up case holds deodorant, foundation stick, mascara, and shadow. For nights when I don't go home before the bar. I really need some eyeliner in that one. Bottle of L-Lysine for my addiction to strawberries and the resulting sores in my mouth from eating them. Chapsticks, mint and honey seems to be my thing. BC pills, to keep me from breaking out like I'm 16 again.\

Blue Tube is cuticle oil stuff from Bath and Body. I like to put it on JBelle's nails when we are out and she's being wild. Sunglasses, I almost never wear them. Rubber bracelets from Stina on the night of the 80's party at the bar. One battery for my camera which is now broken. Flash drive, which I never use anymore. Another Vera Wallet which is a perfect place to keep condoms. Not that I need them anymore. Wouldn't Vera be so appalled? Nail file. A key card to a hotel, random receipts, numbers, and cards. Packet of gum that has one piece left. A half eaten package of Cadbury Easter Eggs. An Andes Mint. And a caramel Kiss.

And that's not even all that goes into the purse. Nor does it all fit into my pretty, new, hot pink for spring purse!

The B Word

I went to the mall the other day in hopes of finding a bra that fit. Did you know 8 out of 10 women wear the wrong size bra? I knew I did, but I say it's not my fault because when I bought them I didn't know I was about to lose a number size in my boobs due to weight loss. Weight loss= Awesome. Smaller breasts= Not so Awesome. Anyways, I had bought to somewhat expensive bras from VS a while ago and they were ok. But now. They are too big. And they move around a lot and the underwire presses into my sternum. It hurts. So I went into Dillards to check out bras in a smaller size. Oh, lucky me! They had a fitting specialist that day. Had I ever had a fitting? Did I want one? Sure. Why not. So I went into the fitting room with Susan. I took off my shirt and she measured my chest, right underneath my armpits. She left and came back with a bra, which oddly enough was numbered 34C. I am not a 34C. I am a 34B. I knew this. She comes back with another size. A 32B and a 34B. The 32B is too tight. 34B fits perfectly. Anyways, before I tried on any bras, I had to take my current bra off. Which I did. With Susan in the room. And at her insistence that it's ok. I don't care, I'm not particularly modest anymore. And she was in the boob business. She didn't care. She even hooked the clasps for me. Actually, I kind of want someone to do that for me all the time. And to adjust my straps daily. So I'm wearing my new bra today. It's not very push up-y, nor does it make them look bigger. But it fits and with my shirt off, it's fucking hott. I think I just fell in love with low cut bras.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Oh, That Sound?

That cracking sound when I shrug my shoulders? It's just stress. No worries. Oh, and that red spot on my arm that I keep scratching? Just a re-occurring stress hive. I have one on my jawline too. I tend to internalize my stress. It wasn't until recently that I realize that when I have a deadline or something is bothering me, that I get these weird hives on my body. In the same places! I am so in tune with my body. This is also why I'm pretty sure that I couldn't get myself addicted to drugs. "Why am I so nervous and jittery today?" Must be the caffeine in my tea. Certainly not the need to go snort a line or whatever drug stuff people do. I wouldn't know. I never engaged.

I'm going to my Wellness Checkup today and I have a feeling I'm going to be all set for surgery. Actually, I feel fine now. Except for the times I can't breathe well because my tonsils are blocking my nasal passages. Even the few times I smoked a cigarette at the bar didn't cause my throat any pain the next morning (a sure sign of sickness). I'm healthy! I just carry diseased glands. Is it wrong that I sort of want to take a picture of them? Or that I want to see them when they cut them out? Because they are going to be huge, and I want to see that! I will not take them home with me, even if that was allowed. Because that's just gross. I like my freezer to be tonsil-less. Also, when I move, there is no way I'm going to pack them into a cooler with some dry ice for the 19 hour drive. That's just insane!

My trip to Pueblo will probably include a stop at Starbucks, because they have them. And Target, for the same reason. If I have time, I'll stop in and see a little baby boy, too! Pueblo has everything!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


JBelle learned to say her alphabet in the last two weeks. She doesn't actually know the right letters after S, she skips right to YZ and gets stuck in a repeat of "QRS...YZ...QRS...YZ". She also drags out her E and her H in a really high voice. If I could upload my cell phone videos, I would.

The enormity of my move hit me when we went to go get her this weekend. I was spinning her around in her mom's living room, and after each turn she'd grab onto my neck and say "I'm ready" before I'd spin her again. She's turning into a little girl who loves to play games with me. I sing her songs on the way back home. I sit in the back seat with her! Leaving my other family members will be hard, but leaving her is going to kill my heart until I come back to her again. I'll never understand how a parent could leave their child.

DD is flying out to drive back with me. We're leaving on the 16th of June, making the nineteen hour drive over the weekend so she can get back to work on Monday. We're really looking forward to the drive through Nebraska. Anna the Nano is going to get some good play time. I can't even fathom all the work that needs to be done before I move. I think I'm actually suppressing the things I need to consider because I'm starting to get my little stress bumps on my back and arm. When the one on my face shows up, I know I'm internalizing my stress. I rarely realize when I am stressed, I think it's part of how I deal with stress. Just ignore it!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Slip, Slide, Crash

A week ago I got in a car accident. I decided to drive up to Denver to meet an OWU friend for dinner. I was just going to drive up for dinner, then head back to Canon for the beach party at Manhattans. It had been rainy all day and pretty cold out, but I went anyways. It's not everyday that someone from OWU comes out and I had promised I would be there. I left for Denver around 6, and I had made it into the outskirts of Denver by 7:30. Traffic was bad in some places, but there were a lot of cars on the road that night. Yeah, it was rainy and snowing in spots but the roads didn't seem very bad. I spent most of my drive up to Denver talking on my cell phone to various people. Once I got to Denver though, I had put my cell phone away. I was just cruising along with traffic when I realized that I was no longer in my lane. I was slowly going into the right lane. I must have immediately taken my foot off the gas and tried to regain control of my car. I remember thinking that I needed to turn into the direction that the car was going on it's own. And then I lost on control of my car and I remember saying "Oh no no no no no" over and over. My car was in one of the middle lanes, and I ended up crossing into the far left lane, spinning around and crashing into the concrete median with my rear end. Another woman was involved, I don't remember how. I was headed North, when my car finally stopped it was facing East. I turned my car back on, and drove out of the lanes. I told myself I was fine, I was ok. And then I lost it and started sobbing.

Luckily no one was hurt. Although, right after my crash, two cars almost crashed and then two more did crash. It was a nasty patch of black ice. And I'm lucky that I just drove away. My car was just fine that night, and the next afternoon when I drove it home. It didn't start after that, but at least I was home. I don't know when I'll get it back from the body shop, but I'm confident it's not totaled. And if it is, well, the blue book value of the car is a lot more than I paid for it, so I'll be just fine.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

10% Interest

I think I'm going to start telling that to boys. "Yeah, we can hang out but I have to be honest here. I'm only 10% interested in you."

I've also decided that I am going to move to Ohio. Ever since I started to seriously consider it, I can see myself there in ways I never saw myself in Denver. My whole life was tied to people in Ohio, and for the most part they are still there. A little more spread out, but a two hour drive to me is nothing. (Like last week when I wrecked my car going to Denver to see KR for dinner.) I break my heart a little bit every time I think about how much of JBelle's life I'm going to miss in my short jaunt to Ohio. I don't see myself staying in Ohio for long, but at least a year. This is an idea that I have been putting off forever, telling myself that I will be better in Denver. But Denver doesn't have my closest friends. The friends I call whenever something happens to me, good or bad. The friends I don't have to wonder if they will be OK with the way I live my life, and the friends that will tell me when I'm not living it right.

I need them. And just maybe, they need me too.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Squirrel Feedings

Today, while I was sitting in L's car at the park, a very sleek squirrel came bounding toward us. We were in the car, but she came right up the the curb and sat there looking in the window. I had a few strawberries in my bag, so I started biting off pieces and throwing them to her. After she ignored the first bite, she picked up a second and gobbled it down. After that, she got even closer to the car and on a few occasions even reared up like she might jump in the window. This was terrifying to me because I do not want to ever have the feeling of squirrel paws on my head. L got out her camera and recorded the squirrel hopping all over the grass in front of us. And when she replayed the footage, I heard myself telling an unmistakable blonde story about how some people eat squirrels and, oh my god how gross is that. Like, who does that, seriously! (damn you Grey's for introducing 'seriously' into my vocab.)

I had to shudder at that statement because not only is my hair straight today, but then I start talking like I'm blonde. And what if I do that all the time! I'm pretty sure I might.

Also? My voice sounds like I have two very large beach balls lodged in my throat. Which is pretty close to the truth. I called the Dr. yesterday because I'm tired of having to clear my head every fifteen seconds so I can breathe for ten more seconds before doing it again. They scheduled me for surgery on the 23rd of April, which actually fits in quite nicely with my busy social schedule of May. And by social schedule, I mean working at the bar.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


Apparently, I want to be just like DD!

I had my appointment at the Ear, Nose, and Throat Dr. today. He looked in my nose, said that I wasn't all stuffed up. He looked in my ears and told me my left ear has fluid in it. Then he looked in my throat and yelled "Oh MY GOD!" And then he apologized and said he needed to work on his bedside manner. Because my tonsils are HUGE. He asked me if I was feeling tired during the day because I'm at risk for sleep apnea when they are this big. He explained that my tonsils are basically dead as infection filters. And I can have surgery if I want, or I can wait to see if it clears up on it's own.

I opted for surgery.

It's been a year and seven infections later, I'm not going to put up with it anymore. Plus, I have good insurance so I might as well do it before I lose it. And I have enough sick time to take off for a week and not miss out on any money. I don't have a personal care provider, so I'll have to find one before S-day. Feel free to leave a resume in the comments!

In other more important news, I finally got my Mighty Girl shirt in the mail! Did you know I ordered one? I did! And it fits! And it's fucking awesome!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

What Can I Say?

Not a whole lot lately. My voice tends to fade in the evening time to a hoarse whisper, and I wake up in the morning with next to nothing. Afternoons aren't too bad. I need to be chewing gum or taking sips of water constantly. I'm really glad to be going ot the Doctor on Wednesday. That's really going to help me right now. With my luck, my tonsils will probably return to normal size and there will be no sign of any infection or disease.

I had a late night and an early morning today, made worse by not taking a nap in the afternoon. I finally showered at 2 pm, when I had great expectations of going to Ross for some shopping. Unfortunately, I sat down on the couch after I got ready and I fell asleep for two hours. Now, I keep finding myself staring at the TV, where Pirates of the Caribbean is playing, and I can't seem to keep my mouth shut out of wonder. I love taking naps, but I hate when I can't get myself out of the nap funk. Not that Pirates isn't a kick-ass movie to watch wide eyed with wonder. But when I find myself gaping in awe at the supercharged V8 juice commercial, I know something is off.

Earlier, Hunter was standing in front of me and making a very squeaky, high pitch whine. He does that to me a lot, when he feels I'm not paying him proper attention while I'm doing things like getting dressed, blow drying my hair, and being generally occupied with a task. Times when I'm doing nothing and I want him to cuddle with me, he seems to be sleeping in another room with his precious stuffed animals. He's also decided that our bed is mostly his and he is entitled to sleeping horizontally across it. Never mind that he is as long as the bed is wide. And that he chooses to sleep in the very center of it. Of course this means that I am now sleeping in a little ball at the top of the bed. No wonder I sleep so well after he goes outside at 5 AM. If my room was bigger, he would totally be sleeping on his own bed...on the floor!

JBelle was surprisingly sweet to me this weekend. Generally, she chooses Gramma to be her source of comfort and cuddle but this weekend she let me hold and smoosh on her. It could be that I am spending more time with her, now that I'm not occupied on the weekends with other things, things less important than her much to my dismay. We went to a cookout on Saturday afternoon, hosted by her mother's boyfriend. When we went to leave, JBelle said to me "I don't want you to go. I want to go with you to gamma's house,' in a very sad, whiny voice. She's never done that to me before, as she's generally esctatic to be with her mother again. It made it very hard to put her down and leave the party. It would have helped if she would have thown a block at my head like she had been all afternoon.