11 Weeks?

I don't actually have a good excuse to why I don't post often, but I can at least blame the fatigue, lack of enthusiasm, and most definitely the nausea on the tiny parasite I'm currently hosting. Also, the puking. Much more than last time, since last time had NONE and this time has more than 3. Did you know a toothbrush can make you throw up? I wish I didn't know that.


So we are now somewhere along 11 weeks, although I haven't gone to a doctor to confirm that since our insurance deductible is crazy high and having a baby costs something like 20K, so I'll keep all my office visits to one year, thank you. Even though it means I'm missing out on the first ultrasound when the baby has a really big head and teeny tiny arms. Chris and I like that part the most, since we can go around saying "I have a big head and little arms" a la this.

None of it seems real, in that I'm going to have another baby just when the first one got really easy! I'm not sure what we were thinking, but I'm sure it will all turn out fine.

Headaches

This morning, after a really good walk (2.5 miles) and after the baby took a bath, we got in the car to go get lattes as a reward. And I discovered that Jacob was missing part of his face when I tried to get him into the car. Fortunately, his face was not really missing, it was just my eyesight failing. Recently, I've started getting visual auras before the onset of a migraine. It's helpful since I can combat the pain by taking aspirin and drinking some caffeine as soon as I notice something is not quite right. After getting the drugs and caffeine into my system, I try rest but it's hard to do that when I've just woken up and there is a baby on my head.

Today, I only got a slight headache that went away after a hot shower. I'd love to find a fail-safe remedy to prevent them, but I've never noticed any patterns that could signal a trigger. Of course, it could turn out to be something like chocolate or potato chips and then I'll just have to live with Russian Roulette.

Blogging On Demand

I wish I would have thought to do this when Jacob was a baby.

I'm currently waiting for my floors to dry, so I'm rather confined to the chair at the moment. I used two rags to slide over here from the other room and I am pretty sure they will be dry in a few hours. There was a lot of water on the floor. I think my mop is broken.

Also, I can't change the channel unless I glide across the floor so I'm watching an infomercial about baseball? And medicine?

ALSO, I should be taking a nap because I have no idea why I am mopping floors with a hangover. I even went to a playdate at 9:30 this morning.

CS and I went out with some friends for dinner, followed by a trip to the bar for karaoke. It was a lot of fun, although I need to remember how much I can drink and stop going over that limit. But it's been about three years since I spent any time at a bar so I don't really have an opportunity to indulge. CS and I did our signature duet, Summer Lovin'. I didn't even have to force him, he filled out the slip and didn't tell me. It's fun to be young, carefree, and employed again!

Jacob did NOT have a good night without me, and I am wavering between being very happy that I was already asleep when CS's parents started texting me about Jacob being up. I am sad for him but I would not have been happy to take care of him, especially if he woke up before 8 AM. As it was, he was awake from 2 until 4 and slept until 9 this morning. Boy wonder is not quite ready for sleepovers at Papa's house.

So instead of laying around, I am washing rugs(someone's neglected dog is PEEING on my carpet, and it's not my dog!), laundry, mopping, and cleaning up. A

Adulthood is lame, ya'll!

Compassion

Whomever said that Internet is an asshole has clearly not read the comments on this post.

It's so nice to see strangers doing something great for a family in need.

CS and I went to Blue Mesa last weekend. Jacob almost prevented us from going by getting a 100 degree fever Thursday, but it only lasted about 24 hours. It was a sad day for little man. I gave him Tylenol and cuddled him. He took three naps and ate almost nothing. It was sad to watch my bouncing baby defeated and mopey. Friday morning he was better so we decided to head out after his nap. Luckily, he was still sick or the three hour car ride would have been misery. As it was, he only made it to Monarch Pass before the fever, the car ride, and the altitude made him throw up all over himself as we were coming down the pass. It was gross. I'm glad he'd only had juice and a few french fries and not the hamburger I tried to feed him. It didn't help that when CS and Jacob got out of the car to clean up, mosquitos decided to attack and eat them alive.

We stayed in a little cabin at the "resort" and did a whole lot of nothing. We took the 4-wheelers out once, but I almost tipped mine coming back down. I thought it was in Low and it was in High so I couldn't stop. I started screaming and putting all my weight into the brake. I got it to stop but I let CS drive it down the rest of the hill while I walked with Jacob. Next time we will have a lesson before I attempt to go down a hill with sharp, brain crushing rocks all over the place.

There was a pool we could play in and Jacob has learned how to float and swim while wearing water wings. He also attempted to jump off the ledge into my arms and ended up on his bottom on the concrete. We're working on that! But he can swim across the pool without holding on to me so I think we're making progress. Can't wait till next week, when his swim lessons start! Except that I have to get in the pool with him and I really just want to sit and talk to the mom's of older kidlets.

I'll post some pictures of the "camping" but most of them are failed attempts to capture the awesomeness of coals so I may have to spare you that.

I'd Rather Watch The Weather Channel

I went in to have my long anticipated colposcopy today. I wasn't allowed to have it last month because the IUD kickstarted my long lost period and apparently they don't like ripping chucks of your cervix out when you are already bleeding. So I had to wait until today, which is almost four months from when I got the Pap smear that alerted them to the issue. I've been very blase about it, mostly because I wasn't going to let fear of the unknown rule my life. I wish it was easier to get into the clinic, but I also wish I had healthcare and there's not a whole lot I can do about either of those things.

It's probably a good thing I've had a baby before getting an STD since there is a lot of spreading your legs for more than one person involved in this "closer look" business. Plus, there is a camera with video filming the whole time! I felt bad for my cervix, as it started out pink and healthy looking but after they swabbed it with vinegar and iodine then cut out three pieces of it and patched them up with a mustard colored glue, it looked like a bomb had gone off. Luckily, almost nothing hurt. Even the biopsies felt like nothing. My IUD was AWFUL to put in, I felt like I was back in labor all because of the rod they use to pry it open for the Mirena. I'd go through another biopsy tomorrow if I meant I'd never have to get my IUD out.

My doctors agreed that they thought the spots they checked out today looked mostly like HPV and not the beginnings of cancer. Of course, I have to wait for the results but it is good to know that they aren't overly concerned about it. They talked a lot about stress and how the disease often flares up under stressful times. I guess that means I need to relax and allow my body to heal itself in time. Is there a magic way to get to the point where I'm not stressed? Because I really don't need to see the inside of my body anytime soon.

Why Health Insurance Is On My To Do List

Jacob took a three hour plus nap this afternoon. He needed it, as he woke me up before 8 AM this morning. He slept for two hours in bed, then when he woke up crying I got him and rocked him back to sleep. He slept on me while I watched DVRed Desperate and Ellen for an hour or so. After my arm was numb and the shows were over, I got up and he continued to sleep in the arm chair, resting his upper body on the arm rest and turning his head every so often. He didn't wake when I took his picture nor when my cell phone rang and I left the room to take the call from the Family Planning Services as they informed me that I had an abnormal Pap and I tested positive for HPV. Which means I technically have an STD! And I've been tested for those. MORE THAN ONCE. Not because I am excessively trampy, but because I think it's smart to test and clearly I just proved myself correct. I have never had an abnormal pap and I've been tested since I was 16 or so. I've had at least two STD screenings and possibly a third. And all of them since I started seeing CS. If it wasn't clear before, CS and I are in a committed monogamous relationship so there should be no surprises here. Although he tells me that HPV can sit and hide for a long time without being detected and if that's true then I'm going to be pretty disappointed that I do not get to blame someone. Specifically, I want to be able to point at CS and bemoan the fact that he gave me an STD because I'm mean like that. (Also, KIDDING about blaming, in case sarcasm doesn't come across.) (Not really sorry, because if it's not him then I have no idea who to blame.)

So now I have to go in for a colposcopy, which means I need to get on Medicaid because I don't have an extra $300 lying around for someone to stick a large magnifying glass into my lady bits and check for cells. If I did have an extra $300, CS would either take it for his truck payment or I would have to buy new tires and the part to fix my 4-wheel drive. So, healthcare! I need it, and so does Jacob. I guess it's good to have a reason to finally fill out the paperwork, instead of putting it off until something major comes up again. I am the mother of a very strong willed, active little boy. Who has a tendency to mess around on the stairs in a very dangerous manner lately.

The good news is that it's early and this is still mostly precaution and that the strain of HPV showing up is generally defeated by your body in two years. I'm annoyed that I have to deal with it, but I'm not scared of it. I wish I had insurance, as this is going to make my "pre-existing conditions" a pain in the future but maybe soon we won't have to deal with such nonsense.

I hope you will think of me and say a prayer or send good thoughts. It's never fun to think of something lurking in your body and not being able to just have it taken away with a pill or cream or waiting it out.

Stupid Storms

Look, Colorado. I know that we need the moisture and these daily storms are how you like to bring it in the summer months. But you are killing my head. I started to get a headache at dinner and it slowly built as the storm came up from Colorado Springs to Fremont County. And now the storm has passes us but my head it still aching. Tylenol doesn't cut it either. And I was just informed via Kellymom.com that I am not supposed to take aspirin because children and nursing mothers are at higher risk for Reye's Syndrome and internal bleeding. So that one aspirin I took at the beginning of July was a HUGE mistake but I was not going to make it from Denver to Penrose without trying to chuck the baby out the window for crying that he was tired of being confined and all he wanted to do was crawl freely at some point in the day. So I took one. We are both fine. But clearly, Colorado, I cannot take an aspirin everytime you decide that we need some rain. So please, rain if you must. But leave the barometric pressure behind. We do not need it. Our altitude is enough of a headache as it is.

Loss Of Vision

This morning, I popped out of bed and got ready for work. I didn't walk Hunter because CS has been sick so someone is home with him, and I have been walking him in the afternoons when I get off work. I made lunch and had breakfast of English Muffins and Organic Chocolate milk before heading out to my car to let it warm up for a while (because, damn it, it cold cool here again.) and MY CAR WOULDN'T START. I've known I needed to take it in for a while, mostly just to get the oil changed and check the alignment. Yesterday my battery light came on for a few seconds but I've learned not to freak out by such things since it's not a brand new car. However, obviously something is wrong. So I traipsed myself up the stairs to tell CS that Car=Dead and when I walk back downstairs with him I notice that my right eye has a blight spot in it. And, Oh, I know what this means. Hello Migraine. I hate you. I took two Tylenol right away, called work to tell them my little situation, called the Dr. to ask for advice, and waited for CS to tell me that either the alternator or the battery was the car culprit. Meanwhile, my vision is spazzing out and I can't see most of CS standing next to me unless I look awkwardly. About twenty minutes later, my vision clears suddenly but I know it's by no means over. I've closed the curtains in the living room and am laying down when my right hand and arm go numb along with the right side of my lip and tongue. I freak the hell out and call my mom who tells me it's just part of the migraine and to call my Dr. back and ask them. I do and they call in a prescription for Tylenol 3 which CS goes off to get for me. I took it and passed out for a while. It's not a full migraine but it's not painless. The codeine in the pills make me feel a little nauseous. Nothing I haven't been dealing with lately.

Actually, I've been feeling a lot better. Next week, I will be 12 weeks along which means THREE months pregnant! And after that, 13 weeks means the end of my first trimester. I feel quite proud in the fact that I'm not showing at all yet and I haven't gained any weight (because Zoot said you should have to, but not like I have been actively trying not to eat. I eat a lot of food now, I suspect weight gain is imminent.) However, my boobs have made up for extra girth in their own way. Thanks a lot, now I need new bras.

For Valentine's Day, CS was home sick and I was at work. We went to dinner at a pretty awful pizza place but it didn't have a wait and we saw Jumper. Disappointing movie, I think because it's PG. And set up for a sequel, which left me saying "Is that the end?" in very mocking tones. My brother was a very super little brother and got me some flowers, chocolates, and little gold earrings. I think I'll let him continue living with us. Even if he's married, and he didn't tell me about it. Punkass.

The Saga Of New Mexico

On Monday, I went to the walk in clinic in Hobbs because I felt horrid. It started right after I got out of the theatre for HP5. I thought it was just from being in the air-conditioned movie theatre, cramped up in my chair for over two hours. But then I started shaking while sitting in the car and I could tell it was the on set of fever. I didn't sleep well that night and Monday morning I decided (with the Mom's help) to go to a clinic. Turns out that was a good plan. I had a fever of a 102.9 and also a nasty UTI.

What's even better than that? I had to load up my car with all my stuff before I got to the clinic because we couldn't stay at the hotel again. But that also meant I had nowhere to go after the Dr. and I was driving around Hobbs with Hunter, a fever and the temperature outside was triple digits. I drove around the entire town looking for a hotel with a room. Almost all the good hotels are booked all week long because there are so many people flooding into town for work. And the town simply cannot accommodate them all. I finally found a place at the Days Inn and I could not have been more relieved. I just wanted to lie down. And then I may have slept for about 24 hours. I still didn't feel better yesterday, but I felt a lot better most of today. No more fever, but I did have a headache. That's finally gone! Three days was a long time for a headache.

In better news, I think we have an apartment that we get to move into on Friday. We turned in our background checks and the application. So we just have to wait for them to clear us and we can move in. I haven't seen it yet, but it's a townhouse and it's in an area of town where there is a park and a pool. I can't wait. I'm so looking forward to going grocery shopping and being able to eat real food, no more fast food or chain eating. Do you know how hard it is to eat well? I think that's part of my health problem right now, my body isn't getting enough nutrients to fight this nastiness off and it's taking a lot longer.

Oh, and I also have a spider bite under my arm, in MY ARM PIT!

We went to Midland, Texas on Sunday, which is only an hour and a half away, and thank the lord they have TARGET! Along with a mall, and a Petsmart. So good thing the real world isn't too far away. This girl can't go too long without a trip to Target. It just makes me feel good!

Notes From The Couch

Not a whole lot has happened in the past week. I've been on the couch, drinking liquid Coden every four hours, and watching many hours of TV. It's kind of relaxing, except when I try to eat something sharp and I'm reminded that I can't! I got so sick of eating sugary foods: yogurt, popsicles, juice, peaches, applesauce. I got my hands on some Miso soup and that was just what I needed. Salt! The pain meds worked really well, which may be a bad thing because it lead me to eating some pizza and maybe a few chips when I felt really good. Don't worry, I chewed it really well.

Hunter hasn't been the happy bundle of joy I thought he would be since I have been home for so many hours in the past few days. He ran away at least once a day, coming back extremely fat and bulgy. Stinky too. One night, he ran away in the middle of a rain storm and when he finally came back two hours later, he was quite wet and unhappy. We made him lay on a blanket on the floor and that cause the whiniest episode of his life. It was his own damn fault he ran away and we let him back inside, dried him off and put him on a nice blanket. But no, he wanted to be on my lap on the couch. Fat chance, Mister Hunt.

JBelle asked me this morning "where you tonsils?" She doesn't quite get why I'm sick. She knows my tonsils are gone, but she wants to know why the Dr. did that to me. Gramma told her he threw my tonsils in the trash, and she came really close to opening the cupboards to look for them. Now if that's not redneck, I don't know what is.

Count Back From Ten

I am going in for my tonsils tomorrow. I suspect that I will only get to 8 before I go under. And when I wake up, I will have so much room in my throat. For things like, air. I'm having such a hard time breathing. I cannot wait for these monsters to be gone.

So think of me tomorrow at 9 AM, which would be 11 AM Eastern time.

I bought a lot of stuff today for this week. Lots of liquids, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to eat. I bought Mac and Cheese, and Chicken and Stars. I have popsicles, which I just found out are made with Splenda, sorbet, and yogurt. Natural soda, apple juice, and Gatorade. Applesauce and peaches. I plan on sending mom to get me cheesy, bean burritos from Taco Bell. And I'll probably want Miso soup from MoMo's.

I'm also going to want lots of chips and I'm going to be pissed I can't eat them. Sharp edges are a no no.

I'm not that nervous about going in. I'm really looking forward to my throat not feeling like it's slowly closing and to breathe normally and talk like I used to. I'm not looking forward to being in pain and on meds for a week. I'm really bothered by that, actually. I've been so go, go, go for the past few months, that just laying around for so many days is going to drive me stir crazy. So keep me entertained! I just wish I had wireless. This dial-up is going to drive me up the wall! How am I going to load Myspace!

Squirrel Feedings

Today, while I was sitting in L's car at the park, a very sleek squirrel came bounding toward us. We were in the car, but she came right up the the curb and sat there looking in the window. I had a few strawberries in my bag, so I started biting off pieces and throwing them to her. After she ignored the first bite, she picked up a second and gobbled it down. After that, she got even closer to the car and on a few occasions even reared up like she might jump in the window. This was terrifying to me because I do not want to ever have the feeling of squirrel paws on my head. L got out her camera and recorded the squirrel hopping all over the grass in front of us. And when she replayed the footage, I heard myself telling an unmistakable blonde story about how some people eat squirrels and, oh my god how gross is that. Like, who does that, seriously! (damn you Grey's for introducing 'seriously' into my vocab.)

I had to shudder at that statement because not only is my hair straight today, but then I start talking like I'm blonde. And what if I do that all the time! I'm pretty sure I might.

Also? My voice sounds like I have two very large beach balls lodged in my throat. Which is pretty close to the truth. I called the Dr. yesterday because I'm tired of having to clear my head every fifteen seconds so I can breathe for ten more seconds before doing it again. They scheduled me for surgery on the 23rd of April, which actually fits in quite nicely with my busy social schedule of May. And by social schedule, I mean working at the bar.

Copycat!

Apparently, I want to be just like DD!

I had my appointment at the Ear, Nose, and Throat Dr. today. He looked in my nose, said that I wasn't all stuffed up. He looked in my ears and told me my left ear has fluid in it. Then he looked in my throat and yelled "Oh MY GOD!" And then he apologized and said he needed to work on his bedside manner. Because my tonsils are HUGE. He asked me if I was feeling tired during the day because I'm at risk for sleep apnea when they are this big. He explained that my tonsils are basically dead as infection filters. And I can have surgery if I want, or I can wait to see if it clears up on it's own.

I opted for surgery.

It's been a year and seven infections later, I'm not going to put up with it anymore. Plus, I have good insurance so I might as well do it before I lose it. And I have enough sick time to take off for a week and not miss out on any money. I don't have a personal care provider, so I'll have to find one before S-day. Feel free to leave a resume in the comments!

In other more important news, I finally got my Mighty Girl shirt in the mail! Did you know I ordered one? I did! And it fits! And it's fucking awesome!

What Can I Say?

Not a whole lot lately. My voice tends to fade in the evening time to a hoarse whisper, and I wake up in the morning with next to nothing. Afternoons aren't too bad. I need to be chewing gum or taking sips of water constantly. I'm really glad to be going ot the Doctor on Wednesday. That's really going to help me right now. With my luck, my tonsils will probably return to normal size and there will be no sign of any infection or disease.

I had a late night and an early morning today, made worse by not taking a nap in the afternoon. I finally showered at 2 pm, when I had great expectations of going to Ross for some shopping. Unfortunately, I sat down on the couch after I got ready and I fell asleep for two hours. Now, I keep finding myself staring at the TV, where Pirates of the Caribbean is playing, and I can't seem to keep my mouth shut out of wonder. I love taking naps, but I hate when I can't get myself out of the nap funk. Not that Pirates isn't a kick-ass movie to watch wide eyed with wonder. But when I find myself gaping in awe at the supercharged V8 juice commercial, I know something is off.

Earlier, Hunter was standing in front of me and making a very squeaky, high pitch whine. He does that to me a lot, when he feels I'm not paying him proper attention while I'm doing things like getting dressed, blow drying my hair, and being generally occupied with a task. Times when I'm doing nothing and I want him to cuddle with me, he seems to be sleeping in another room with his precious stuffed animals. He's also decided that our bed is mostly his and he is entitled to sleeping horizontally across it. Never mind that he is as long as the bed is wide. And that he chooses to sleep in the very center of it. Of course this means that I am now sleeping in a little ball at the top of the bed. No wonder I sleep so well after he goes outside at 5 AM. If my room was bigger, he would totally be sleeping on his own bed...on the floor!

JBelle was surprisingly sweet to me this weekend. Generally, she chooses Gramma to be her source of comfort and cuddle but this weekend she let me hold and smoosh on her. It could be that I am spending more time with her, now that I'm not occupied on the weekends with other things, things less important than her much to my dismay. We went to a cookout on Saturday afternoon, hosted by her mother's boyfriend. When we went to leave, JBelle said to me "I don't want you to go. I want to go with you to gamma's house,' in a very sad, whiny voice. She's never done that to me before, as she's generally esctatic to be with her mother again. It made it very hard to put her down and leave the party. It would have helped if she would have thown a block at my head like she had been all afternoon.

Hit By Bus

My body hurts right now. It started on Tuesday night, around midnight. I woke up and I couldn't breathe anymore. I groggily attributed it to not taking any allergy meds that day, so I grabbed the benedryl next the bed and took one. Morning comes, still can't breathe and my tonsils are swollen (again). I take some Walmart brand Claritin, doesn't help. I take some Sudafed. Helps a little. After lunch, I realize my back feels like I slept on a brick wall, my neck is sore.

I'm pretty sure these are the symptoms of that Meningococcal virus.*EDIT* Although, after googling it, I am sure I do not. Whew!

I'm sure it doesn't help that the bar was actually busy last night, so I did not get to leave early (at 11) like I was hoping. I made fifty bucks though. So not all is lost. Only my health, and I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I'm actually concerned about what to do for my poor, infected tonsils. This makes at least the seventh illness in one years time. Last March, I can back from Ohio with a terrible cold that seems to be recurring. It's not tonsillitis, but it's something related to them. I've been on anti-biotics three times, and sick without meds at least that many times. I went to an ear, nose, and throat Dr. this past summer, and he told me unless I had 6 or more infections, they don't like to removed the tonsils. I'm tired of this though. I don't like getting these wimpy colds every few months. I hate taking meds. I don't want to have surgery, but I'm about to lose my health care for a bit and if I'm going to do surgery, I should do it while I have great coverage and sick leave.

Although, we'd have to get my laid back, reluctant to prescribe meds, let it run its course Dr. to agree to something serious like surgery and pain meds!

PS. It's freaking SNOWING!