Thursday, March 18, 2010

Should Probably Not Hit Publish

I am staying in Alabama for another week and while it's nice to be away from home, I was sort of ready to be back. It's hard to be away from home with a baby. Jacob is doing fine and he's not that different here than there. It's a little awkward to be here with my brother and his wife at times. My brother is a know it all and a lot racist and very judgmental of anything he doesn't agree with. He wants to kill the stray cats that live in the apartment commons because they climb on his truck at night. He's more interested in making sure that his buddies from work see him as a hard working, awesome, beer-bringing guy than helping his wife get the baby out of the car and into the house. He's told his wife that he doesn't want her to work because he wants to take care of her but then he gets angry when she spends money on things he deems "unnecessary" because he's always putting the baby first but forgetting that he spends money on beer and chew every day of the week. Not that his wife is perfect and blameless either. I think she lies about the things that Abe has forbidden her to do but I don't know why. He doesn't really think she's going to become a stripper and make tons of money if he allows her to buy work out DVD's. She buys things and hides them so he doesn't get mad she bought them. Then he gets mad that she has new things with tags and never wears them. Recently she's been saying how the baby was a mistake and they never should have had them but she refuses to leave him with strangers and do any of the things she says she needs to be happy. I know she loves the baby but I don't see how she can regret him so often. Jacob woke me up at three AM last night and the only thing I regretted was that we were in AL and I couldn't let him cry it out because he'd wake up the baby in the next room. (Somehow he entertained himself by looking at his hands in the dark and periodically got mad because I wouldn't let him stick his hands up my shirt for a feelsie. What do I do when I'm ready to quit nursing and he's not? I am at a loss here.)

I guess I just feel like being here solves nothing for them. Who am I to hand out advice? My relationship failed. They are still together but is it better to be in a relationship and snip at each other all the time over little things instead of figuring out the big things. Communication is such a huge part of being with another person and it's almost virtually ignored. How can two people who love each other get to the point where they don't even like the other person in bed with them?

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