Tuesday, June 02, 2009

So Tired.

We took Jacob to a pediatrician today. I've finally given up on trying to help him with his "digestion issues" or "only pooping once a week and screaming, crying, and bleeding his way through through it." I tried removing bananas, apples, rice, squash, and carrots. I fed him only fruit, green beans, peas, and prunes. I tried Cheerios. I gave him teaspoons of dark karo syrup and tried to use apple juice in a sippy cup. So far nothing has helped him and every week we go through the same routine. Baby starts crying and straining and I rub his belly and pump his legs like he's on a bicycle to help him poop. The pediatrician wrote a prescription for a laxative and I am to give it to him daily until things start working on their own. Which might take weeks to a few months. It's not a quick fix. It's a good thing, that we have some place to start and I certainly don't want to do the other options if the medicine doesn't work out because, lo, we have no health insurance. And the little ten minute visit with the doctor cost us $185. HOLY SHIT PEOPLE. I called a different place this morning and their fee was $110 for "people like us" and I thought that was high. I should have asked when I called them and got an appointment. I should have said "I'm sorry, we can't afford that," when she told me the total. I'm buying groceries with fucking food stamps right now. I cannot afford to have a sick child. I know I should have gone to the county nurse. I just had no idea it could cost so much to see a doctor for ten minutes. Why can they do this? How can they charge someone with no insurance what they'd charge an insurance company who finds ways to write things off. Is this how they make their money? By overcharging the people who can't afford to pay insurance if they aren't part of a group? Even if I did have insurance, I would would still be paying all their charges because I can't afford to pay $250 a month for one child to have a $500 deductible and an 80/20 co-pay. Yes, I should go down to the county and get Medicaid or whatever to cover my baby's doctor's visits. But I don't have a car here yet, so anytime I take the truck to get these kinds of things in order, I am using time that CS needs to go sell his frozen meat and make us money to live. It's such a catch-22. I need my car, but I can't afford to get it here. Meanwhile, I'm going deeper into a hole trying to get everything together with only one car.

So I'm tired. I'm tired of being so broke that I'm actually buying groceries on food stamps. Tired of being stuck in a house all day long while Cs goes out and usually comes home empty handed because the money he does make is going straight back to the truck to pay for the fuel he uses to drive around. I'm tired of looking at my maxed out credit card statements. Tired of bills from doctor's offices saying I'm overdue and may be sent to collections. I'm tired of borrowing money from parents, paying them back, and borrowing again.

On the bright side, Jacob's prescription only cost $4 at Walmart. Also there is a almost perfectly healthy boy at my feet, if we overlook the pooping issues and the fact that he's on a nursing strike and I left my breast pump at home and OMG you have no idea how badly my boobs hurt right now.

This gets better right?

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