Saturday, July 04, 2009

Welcome! Now Go To Your Room.

I'm twitching every time a loud firework goes off because Jacob is sleeping and if this shit wakes him up, I am going to go postal on the neighbors and cover their stash with fire extinguisher goo. This is the downside to being close to other people in a small town. Everyone is out on the street, shooting off fireworks. My mom's house is way out in the country and we don't have many people lighting fireworks and if they did, it's at least half a mile down the road. Puts a damper on the popping noises.

So we are back in Colorado and we have moved in with CS's parents. Ya'll, if I make it through this? I need fucking MEDAL.

I've never understood CS's relationship with his parents, as well as the relationships between his siblings and their parents. Most people I know have gotten to the point where their parents are on the same level as friends. I realize not everyone is as close to their mom's as I am to mine, but I generally see my peers in a much more mature relationship with their parents at this point. But the relationships that CS's and his siblings have with their parents must still be in the teenage years. And their youngest child is 24. Remember when you were a teenager and you didn't tell your parents about a boyfriend because you couldn't date or you skipped work because you stayed out too late the night before, etc. because you didn't want to get in trouble? This is what I liken their relationship to. Their kids don't tell the parents about the details in their lives because they will still get in trouble. Not grounded, obviously, but they make them feel like their actions are a disappointment to how they were raised. So the children lie to them and avoid certain situations because their parents cannot accept that they are adults. And as adults, they have the opportunity to make choices that their parents might approve of or think unwise. But they should be able to do so without fear that their parents are going to be upset. Did my mom want me to move to NM with CS? Probably not. Did she want me to have a baby with him? Not really. But she's never made me feel like a disappointment to her for choosing those things.

But I never understood why CS and his siblings choose to pretend about certain things or keep secrets until now. CS's parents are making CS and I sleep in separate rooms. Never mind that we have a fucking BABY, or that we have lived together for two years now. Never mind that I signed the common law form to get health insurance, something that most gays and lesbians are fighting for, correct? His parents believe that it goes against their moral values to allow us to stay here and sleep in the same room. I am 25 and CS is 29. Surely they must know that we are going to continue to have sex under their roof. But the privilege of sharing a bed openly is not ours.

I tried to talk to his mom about it because when she first talked to me, she wasn't sure if that rule still applied since OBVIOUSLY we've had sex, and we are adults, we live like we are married. So when the "house rule" came up, I thought that I could present my opinion on it and have it taken into consideration. WRONG. It doesn't matter that CS and I haven't been on the same schedule for 10 months now, and that I'd like to be able to have some time alone with him. Even though we came very close to ending our relationship less than two weeks ago. It doesn't matter that CS will be able to sleep alone and never have to worry about waking Jacob up with his loud alarm for work. He will never be there for weekend mornings when Jacob pounces on us. There will be no leaky diapers in his bed or crying fits at 3 AM. Since we are not married, we cannot share a room and we cannot be a family. Because of their Values and Morals. Which apparently I insulted by questioning the rules.

But I call Bullshit. This could also be attributed to the fact that his mom doesn't understand why we are not married, and thus it's a good push toward being married if we want to have one bedroom. Also, she blames us for her daughter living with her boyfriend. We are a bad influence.

I am so thankful that I do not have parents like this. I am so grateful that my mother does not rest her personal morals on laurels and force them onto me. I am so glad that I never have to lie to her or hide what I'm doing. That I am accepted in all my flaws because I am her child and she loves me. I hope I can be that kind of mama to Jacob.


Kendra said...

goodness do you feel better now?

The Hunter's Prize said...

Not really. I'm still pretty mad.