Friday, December 18, 2009

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I am one felted bag away from being done with Christmas. Well, that and taking a few picture of Jacob and having them developed for CS's dad's frame from last year. We draw names for his family so I don't have to buy him a gift, but I am making things for everyone else but his brother and his sister's boyfriend and since we live at his house I thought I should make a gesture. I really should be taking photos of the things I've made but something is wrong with me as I keep forgetting the camera and then I wrapped everything. I have to go by CS's house tomorrow for things like Pampers, clothes, and lotion so I will try to remember the camera.

CS got back from his work trip last night and Jacob was overjoyed to have him back. He refused to take a nap until after 2 and slept until 4:30 when we woke him up so we could go into town. CS had to go back to his house and get the sink snake for the kitchen drain after coming over this morning and I sent Jacob off with him so I could have a break and they could have alone time with his parents. I'm not going to lie. IT WAS GLORIOUS. I took the dogs for a walk and I haven't felt more lighthearted in a while. I put my favorite songs on the ipod and bounced around the block, high off being alone. I didn't have to entertain anyone, or worry about cold fingers or wind on his face. I haven't walked Hunter without Jacob since the week before Jacob was born. That was almost 16 months ago. Oh, wait. I went on a walk once without Jacob when we first moved back here. I left Jacob in his crib and told CS, who was sleeping on the couch, to listen for him. And I came back to a wailing infant and a sleeping CS. I was pissed. This time was much better now. When I got back, I got out my sewing machine and whipped out a final clutch. I was sewing without interruption at before noon. This NEVER happens. It was like I finally realized that I could do something without Jacob and we could both be happy. I see now why other moms enjoy letting other people take their children for a few hours. It's like regaining yourself. I've been in a co-dependent relationship where the only thing that matters is the male factor and I never got to do anything without checking with him first. But now, I see the light!

But Jacob came home and the first thing he did was hug on me. Then demand some food. And juice. The cycle repeats.

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