Thursday, March 22, 2007

Boyproof*. Or Effectively Outing Myself.

I don't know who reads this blog. I think at one point I put the link to it on my AIM profile. So there is a chance that there are people out there reading it and I have no idea. Maybe my teenage cousin, or someone from OWU, or a random kid from HS (doubtful). Some of my close friends don't even read this. My mother does. Maybe work people do too.

So maybe some of you will be shocked. I don't care. I've dealt with so many rumors and stories about this already that it's old news to me.

I'm dating a girl.

I suppose I could keep this all under wraps and never mention it. I could hide it all. But I can't see why I should. Chances are it's not going to be the last time I date a girl. And maybe it will turn into a real relationship and be a huge part of my life and who I am. I don't know yet. But I'm not going to hide it. And maybe I'm lucky because I have a huge group of people who are either super supportive or they just don't see a problem with it.

I met L months ago. Back in the fall, when I first ventured out on a Friday night when I couldn't get a hold of BB. This was back when I didn't know a lot of people at the bar, I had just started working. L was out with a girl I did happen to know a little bit. (Actually, our friend in common used to date BB and she told me a few things about him that night. Hindsight, such a fucking bitch.) L and I and our friend went out to her car to take shots of jager. L said that she was a lesbian, and she might try to make out with me since I'm cute and I shouldn't let her. She didn't try, and I left with BB a little bit later.

A few months ago, I saw her at Ross in Pueblo. I didn't say anything to her and I don't think she even saw me. Since then I've seen her at the bar and we've talked in passing. I hardly know her.

So it bugs me that I cannot remember how it happened. What I said that lead her to say "Can we go somewhere else? Can we go upstairs?" I have never been so bold or interested with a guy I met at Manhattans. Not even BB. He and I never went upstairs. I've never given my phone number to a guy while there. Some girls I've befriended, yes. Of all the men I could have in that place, I go upstairs with a girl. And give her my phone number.

I'm not one of those girls to get drunk and make out with girls to turn on the men around me. That's not why I did it. And for a few days after it happened, I had no idea that it would turn into this. It sort of seemed like a drunken encounter. But it's way bigger than that now.

*Boyproof is actually a YA novel about a girl who isn't interested in any boys until one special ones comes along and convinces her otherwise. I thought the title would be better for a girl/girl story.

1 comment:

abbacus said...

whatever makes you happy, Jess. It's hard to be happy in this life, when you find someone who does, the details don't really matter