Monday, August 06, 2007

Ok. I'm Back.

I have been cleaning. My new townhouse isn't actually dirty, surprisingly it's rather clean. But I washed the walls anyway. Seriously, I washed the walls. And some of the paint came off onto my rag which is probably a bad sign. But we are here now, all moved in and somewhat settled. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have my own place now.

It was somewhat a process to actually get to here. LPR (CS's company) pays him each week for housing, which when you have a place to live is an insane amount. But when you are living in a hotel while looking for a place, the money they give them each week goes away fast. So it's hard to save up for a deposit when you are giving most of your money to a stupid hotel chain. Fortunately, we were able to go stay with some friends of CS's after we found this place. I say fortunately because it allowed us to save money for the deposit and the first month's rent, but it was also the hardest week I've been through since I got here. I say this a lot, and when I say it, it's said rather jokingly but I'm realizing that I'm semi-serious when I say I don't like kids. I love, love, love JBelle more than words can say. I love being around her, I love playing with her, and doing whatever she wants. It's completely unconditional love. That is what I have for her. Other kids? Um, not so much. CS's friends that we stayed with have three kids, 10, 9, and 2. And they are fun, sweet kids. But they are still kids and they are often trying to be around. It was hard. I felt very confined. Not only did I stay at the house with Tracy and the kids all day long, when Mike and CS got back from work we'd hang out all evening. I had nothing to do all day but wait for CS to get home. I think I retreated into myself for part of that week because if I allowed myself to dwell on what I was doing I would have broken down and cried everyday. But I knew that I needed to wait until we got our own place.

And so far, so good. I'm still not finished with putting this place together. But it's ok. I don't need to have every single rug, dish, lamp, and picture that I've coveted for the past two years when I fantasized about my "apartment". I can wait for another paycheck and the weekend to go to Target rather than settling for something from Wal-Mart. I have months ahead of me here, and then another town after that. There is no rush. And if CS has his way, I won't be taking half the things I "NEED" here because we can just buy new ones. I beg to differ. There is no way I'm giving up some of the things I want once I get them, NO WAY DUDE!

So, I'm here in my two-bedroom townhouse, with ugly brown carpet and a concrete backyard. But I have my pretty curtains in the window and wireless Internet on my laptop while I sit on my couch and watch TV. It's not home yet, but I don't want to walk away.

I do plan on finding a job of some sort while I'm here. I've kept myself busy this past week with cleaning and organizing, along with random errands I needed to do. I know eventually I will not need to do as much with the apartment and I will find myself with a lot of time on my hands but I am confident I could also entertain myself. Although it would be easier if I had friends. And one best makes friends in a new town by working around people. I do want to have time to work on my writing, to be crafty, learn new things. This is such a new beginning, one I've never experienced and I want to see what I can make of it.

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