Friday, October 05, 2007

Putting Off Bedtime

I'm not sure why I don't want to go to bed. I'm also not sure why I'm watching a movie about sled dogs racing across the Arctic to find their master, either. Hunt wants to know who the hell is barking and why can't we play? Sorry, buddy, TV dogs are the only pals you've got right now. But this is too funny, he really thinks that there is a dog somewhere in the apartment, he just doesn't realize it's on TV. And now....he's looking out the window.

I am cruel.

I've been thinking for the past few days that CS and I need a little break away from the norm here in NM. I feel bad for him because he's so tired all the time. He works hard all day, comes home, eats dinner, watches some TV with me, and then falls asleep around 9. My life isn't spent working, like his, but I do spend very little with him. I know that when I get home I want to sit in front of my computer and veg out, so he does that too. I can't force him to go out and do something every night because 1) that's hard to do here, and 2) he's exhasted. I told him yesterday that we needed to take a vacation. He told me today that he's not working the third weekend in October. All the foremen are having a workshop or conference in Denver and he will have time off. "YES!" I thought, right away. That's perfect. Three days for us to just be, maybe we can get away from here. Secretly, I want to go to Austin, TX and play around there. But then he goes on. His boss and friend, the one we stayed with in the beginning, is going to the Denver meeting. And he wants to bring his wife. And not his kids. Apparently, they have been fighting a lot because they haven't had any time together sans children. So he asked if CS and I would stay with the kids at night while they are gone. Someone else would watch them during the day, but we'd take over at night.

And I...just. don't. know. I want to say no, but I feel like that's not an option. CS is their unofficial "godfather" so is it wrong to put ourselves first? And you all know it's no secret that I have a difficult time around the kids. They are of an age I don't relate to, and their lack of discipline makes it hard for me to enjoy them. So to give up three days of time with my boyfriend? The boyfriend I see and talk to for three hours daily? That's hard. Yeah, I understand it's rough to live this life, to move around, to have kids in tow. But that's why we don't have kids. Why we won't have kids and live like this. I want my kids to have a stable home and I want to have friends that are mine, not my husband's coworker's wife or GF. I want to be selfish here and say "You picked this, and I need time with my significant other, too" but maybe that's out of line here.

I'm not even sure if we could afford to go anywhere on this three day weekend, but that's three days I could be with CS and actually get to know the man more. See him well rested again, and check some of the world around us, together. Babysitting is not my idea of a fantastic long weekend. I'm not sure if I've officially said Yes or No, though. More of an "I guess" in a reluctant, I can't look at your face when I say that because I know my feelings are written all over my face, sort of way.

1 comment:

Annushka said...

Matt Nathanson stalker!