Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Because Who Wants Chlamydia When You Can Have Cake?

DD sent me this article on "Loose Women".

I don't agree with the author of Unhooked, I don't think that girls need to stay home and bake cakes in order to keep themselves from getting hurt in a loveless, casual hookup. But nor do I agree with girls getting so drunk they can't remember who they took home that night. It's all about your choice, though. And where your comfort zone is. I have friend who choose not to engage in much of anything with a non-significant other, and I have friends who do bring home acquaintances at the end of the night. Much to my mother's dismay, I fall in the middle of those two sides. It's ok to choose to stay away from random hook-ups, and it's ok to seek them out. It's not ok when you are too drunk to make an informed decision about what happens at the end of the night, and your friends don't stop you from making a decision that you will regret in the morning.

My friends and I joke that "girls are the new guys" in that we don't want to find ourselves in relationships, getting serious, and falling in love. In college, almost all my friends were not in relationships. We couldn't imagine being like the few that were engaged and planning weddings for the summer. We spent our nights out together, and rarely did one of us leave with a guy. We were also all sorority sisters, and I feel that's important because the article mentions how some girls ended an event with consensual sex with their dates. Not to say this never happen, but as a Greek, it's my job to stand up for the sorority girls who didn't engage in that kind of stereotypical behavior at every event. We didn't go to college to find ourselves in love. We went for ourselves and an education. Of course, we all had random hookups. And for the most part, they were not detrimental to our over all health. We aren't damaged from loveless sex. We aren't hurt by a "hookup" that doesn't turn into a relationship. And if I can't get a man to marry me because I had casual sex, then we are from different worlds and probably shouldn't marry.

Working at the bar here in Canon, I see a huge difference in sexual encounters. While we are still around the same age, there is a gap in social status and education. People here are looking for that one person to make them happy. They get angry after a hookup doesn't turn out to be more. They get jealous over who goes home with who at the end of the night. Now that I'm single and people know it, there's pressure on me to go on a date with someone, or dance with them, and talk to them. Before in college, I didn't feel like a conversation with a guy would end with a trip to bed. Here I'm almost afraid to be nice because it's expected that if you are friendly, then you must be willing to go to bed with him or her.

Maybe this is just the bar scene, and it's like that all over. Or maybe it's a small town thing, where guys and girls are so desperate to get out that they do radical things to make themselves feel better and less trapped. Whatever it is, I'm not willing to find myself looking for someone to save me. I'd rather be the "new guys."

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