Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I Thought Colorado Was Sunny.

Such cruel tricks the air currents above us right now are playing on me. Granted, Ohio is getting dumped on and it's merely grey here. But yesterday I was wearing a dress and no hose and I was able to walk down the street without my coat on.

I should have moved to Austin.

Sometimes I think about doing that. Just moving there and seeing what happens. I'm not really worried about whether or not I'd find friends or if I'd miss home. I don't want to leave because of what I'd miss out in JBelle's life. I moved back home with no friends close by, and once I finally started working at the bar I made friends. (I could have earlier, but I didn't try) I've already lived away from home and family and I did just fine.

But even when I'm gone for a weekend, I miss out on her life. I can't have a relationship with her through speakerphone. I don't want her to ask me "You see me TOMORROW?" when we talk. Because I wouldn't see her tomorrow. I probably wouldn't see her until a few months of tomorrow's have gone by. And she's not even three, she's not going to remember me. And I don't want to make her get to know me all over again. I want to be around for the times when she says silly things to us, or calls me her "Beff Friend!" I can't imagine leaving her. I can't imagine my life without her.

So for now, I'll only move two hours away. And one day, when she's older, maybe I will move to Austin. Or Florida. Or Iowa. Or Italy, when I finally run away from the scam that is Sallie Mae.

1 comment:

Annushka said...

I would like to point out, also, ms. "ohio is always gray and yucky", that while we did get DUMPED on with snow, it is sunny and blue-skied