Such cruel tricks the air currents above us right now are playing on me. Granted, Ohio is getting dumped on and it's merely grey here. But yesterday I was wearing a dress and no hose and I was able to walk down the street without my coat on.
I should have moved to Austin.
Sometimes I think about doing that. Just moving there and seeing what happens. I'm not really worried about whether or not I'd find friends or if I'd miss home. I don't want to leave because of what I'd miss out in JBelle's life. I moved back home with no friends close by, and once I finally started working at the bar I made friends. (I could have earlier, but I didn't try) I've already lived away from home and family and I did just fine.
But even when I'm gone for a weekend, I miss out on her life. I can't have a relationship with her through speakerphone. I don't want her to ask me "You see me TOMORROW?" when we talk. Because I wouldn't see her tomorrow. I probably wouldn't see her until a few months of tomorrow's have gone by. And she's not even three, she's not going to remember me. And I don't want to make her get to know me all over again. I want to be around for the times when she says silly things to us, or calls me her "Beff Friend!" I can't imagine leaving her. I can't imagine my life without her.
So for now, I'll only move two hours away. And one day, when she's older, maybe I will move to Austin. Or Florida. Or Iowa. Or Italy, when I finally run away from the scam that is Sallie Mae.