Saturday, May 19, 2007

Just Warn Me First

I'm less hateful today. I do wish I could be outside, it's a lovely day. One for tanning! I didn't go to the HS graduation because I have to work. It's nice because sitting in the bleachers for two hours gets hot, hot, hot! But it would be a chance to wear my J Crew dress I'm in love with again. Even if it tends to show a little too much skin. Not my fault!

I'm somewhat tired today, even though my body woke up at 7 this morning. After going to bed at 3. I could blame Hunter for the waking. He's rather demanding in the mornings. But then he comes and lays right behind me then puts his nose right on my neck and sighs. Very sweet. Almost makes up for the fact that he will soon be stepping on my face.

I went out last night with a group of people I've never gone out with before. I tend to do that when I know a lot of people. I never stay with just one group. I like that, keeps things interesting and the drama at a minimum. I had my first drink since before surgery and it didn't hurt! But then I hurt this morning, so maybe not ready yet. I'll wait another week. Or maybe just till Monday. It's interesting to me how a place can be different depending on the people you are with. When I'm with the pirates, Manhattans is loud and full of movement: dancing, conversations with many people, going outside. One of my HS BFF's, Amanda goes out with me on Thursdays and we seem to spend a lot of time apart except when we are dancing. Last night I sat at a table for most of the night, talking and posing for pictures. I also find myself dating someone again (a boy this time, much to my mother's approval. And a blonde, much to my chagrin. kidding...) and that adds a new element to the picture of going out. I'm so good at being hesitant and almost disinterested in the beginning of new relationships. I get scared easily. I run away. Because I know if I don't, I end up completely entranced and caught up. I think it's simply the part of me that hates change. But I force myself through it, to accept it and actively pursue it. It's funny, that I would be affected by change, when I put myself through so much.