Friday, May 25, 2007

OMG. Am Idiot. Damn Google.

So, I've been under the impression that this blog is somewhat a secret. And I am naive. I've googled myself lots of time to see if this comes up, and it only does if I type in the name of the blog. So, safe right?

No. Silly, silly me.

Because I had a Xanga one before, when everyone at OWU was doing it and I had to join in! When I quit Xanga, I left everything up there and put the link to this blog in my last post. And a Google search will pull up the Xanga site and bring you right here.

Hi! I don't know who you are. I'm hoping you're not BB's GF, but then you'd have read my letter. Which may explain your letter to me on MySpace. Although, I must say, it's very cowardly to post a letter to someone then change your profile to public but keep the blog private. Doncha think? And while I'm on a soap box, do you not also think it's wrong to hate the girl your boyfriend cheated on you with while still staying with the man? Just saying. Hate the player, not the game... is that how it goes?

(Sorry my friend who DO read this. This is my way of NOT contacting her and giving her the satisfaction of knowing I saw that. I can't be the bigger person all the fucking time. I'm a girl after all.)

Anyways, back to Who Reads This. Honestly, I don't care. I feel like I had an awkward moment last Saturday when an former co-worker came by and we started talking and she knew so much about what I have been up to and we haven't talked in forever. (Hi! I remember I gave this to you, I'm glad you read!) But it was funny to me, and took me off guard because I've never had that before. And another thing is that I've stopped censoring what I am saying. I'm being, omg, Honest. No, I don't care if what's her face Googled me, found my old blog, came to the new one, and read everything. Nor do I care if someone from OWU reads this. If I didn't want people to find this, then I shouldn't have been so stupid as to make it public knowledge. But with all the drama of yesterday and seeing the letter to me, I started thinking about the things I've said publicly, albeit somewhat privately, and if I'm in the wrong too. I have a strict policy of not making my MySpace private, nor do I track people. I don't delete comments. If my MySpace gets to the point I need a private profile so people can't read what's on it, then I am deleting it. And I'm not judging those of you who do have private profiles because I understand why you do. These are my rules. I don't post things on MySpace that I don't want people to see, like this, so why would I break my rule in allowing this site to be Googleable? Big mistake! And perhaps I am paying for it.

I'm pretty sure that I know most of the people who read this and know me. I'm pretty sure She doesn't read this blog. If she does, I don't know why. And I'm not going to worry about it. But I have to say it's really hard to be the adult. To not give in to the part of my head that says "play that game." It's hard to know the truth of a situation because I am older and wiser in this game of relationships. It sucks to keep my mouth shut and my knowledge to myself because I'm going to be the bigger person. I don't play games. I won't ask her what she has to say to me because she has nothing to say to me. I'm the Ex-GF and she's the GF, but trust me, it is so much better on my side of the fence.

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