Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I'd Like To Be On The No Call List.

My doctor's office called me yesterday. When I answered the phone, I assumed that they had the results of my Downs Syndrome/Trisomy test (since I'm new at this baby game and have no reason to dread phone calls from doctor's assistants). I listened while she told me that Dr. M went over my ultrasound results and that because they did the ultrasound so early (I was 16 weeks and 2 days, NOT 17 weeks) it looks like I might have a low lying placenta but she couldn't be sure because the ultrasound didn't give enough detail. She tells me that because they aren't sure of the placement of my placenta that they will be doing another ultrasound inbetween 20 and 25 weeks. But until then Dr. M says nothing in the vagina which means no sex. Inwardly, I have no reaction because I process things at a snail's pace, while outwardly I'm laughing a bit because my sex drive is about zilch, much to CS's disappointment. The assistant on the phone with me counts out my weeks and finds a date to do the ultrasound again, right at 26 weeks on May 20th. I say "sure, ok" and pen it onto my Dashboard with all my other appointments.

I have her explain what a low lying placenta means, which I don't actually understand but go along with. I ask her what to do if I start bleeding and her response "Oh, just call us. I don't expect you'll have any trouble since you haven't had any bleeding so far."

I call CS and break the bad news to him; swearing that this is not an April Fool's joke.

I call my mom and start crying even though I'm not really upset. Or at least, I don't feel panic rising.

Then I count out how many weeks I am, and discover that I will be 20 weeks at the end of April. I will be over 25 weeks when I have my appointment. This is not right to me. If you're going to tell me that I have a "condition" (maybe, not really sure) then why in the name of all things holy are you going to make me wait TWO MONTHS to see if it's really true when you might be able to tell around 20 weeks and a month sooner? Plus, you're telling me to not have sex with my boyfriend when that's the very thing that got us in this situation in the first place? And when he is very excited about the 2nd trimester because that's when I'm supposed to want sex all the time, and should be saying things like "Aren't you there yet? God, it's been four minutes." You want me to say no to sex for two months when you maybe think I might have a condition that's not really a condition until 28 weeks?

I didn't know anything about a low lying placenta until I iVilliaged, What to Expected, and Mayo Cliniced in the past 24 hours. From what I gather, the placenta moves it's way around the uterine lining to attach at the top, where it's more nutrient rich and less likely to cause complications before and during delivery. Before 20 weeks, it's not considered in a danger zone if it's not attached at the top, but after 28 weeks you want it there. However, even having a simple low lying placenta is not a cause for worry or drastic measures like abstaining from sex or bed rest or a c-section. There are three types of low lying placentas but low lying itself is not a large cause of concern.

However, I'm frustrated with this Dr. that I have not met yet. From my research, it seems that I don't need to be concerned yet. And if you're going to tell me to abstain from sex on a "maybe" then I'm not sure I am going to be a very happy patient with you. I fall under a category of patient that doesn't want to have too much modern medicine interfering with this process. I don't want to have all the testing available, I don't want pain meds, I don't want a C-section, I don't want to be induced. I was raised by parents who had homebirths and midwives for almost all their children. I like that idea. It's personalized and family oriented. I don't like having a Dr. who thinks that I need to do this because I might have that. It's too removed. She doesn't know me and she's imposing on me.

I'm also terrified to go against her. What if she's right and I have sex and start bleeding? What if I lose this baby? Then I should have listened to this woman because she's the doctor and I'm not and it's My fault now. I hate the worry and fear that these doctors can create with all their "knowledge" and their own fear that if they don't caution me to the extreme, I can go right ahead and sue them. Can I not sign a waver saying I promise not to sue as long as you promise to just tell me straight, cut the medical bullshit of "if" and "could".

I want a midwife.

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