Wednesday, May 28, 2008


A week ago, I had it in my head that six months equals end of the second trimester and right into the third. This is not how it goes. I don't know what got me thinking that 25 weeks means the 2nd part is over, but I was certainly convinced. Until last night, when I was reading my week by week book and they kept saying how close to the end of the 2nd trimester we were. "No, dummies, we are IN it," I said to myself. But they kept repeating it, so I had to look it up in my other books (all four of them) and they all said the same thing. The 2nd trimester isn't over until 28 weeks. Hmm. BUMMER.

I walked out to the living room in disappointment. I told CS that I wasn't even there yet, and he just nodded. I'm not sure he could actually hear me, he was watching You Tube videos on my computer so I could watch my DVR shows on TV. And I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't actually make out his face. I, however, am a disappointed ball of baby belly. I honestly thought I was into the last leg of this. September seems so far away and I'm pretty much over all of this pregnancy business and I would like to go straight into Phase Baby. I'm not even miserable yet and I'm ready to be done. I think I romanticised being pregnant for so long that it could never possibly live up to my idea of what it would be like. I'm somewhat surprised by women who just loved being pregnant because why would they? Sure, I get to wear elastic banded pants, but they aren't actually that comfortable. No swim suits, no cute skirts. I don't allow myself to pig out on un-healthy food just because I'm "eating for two." I'm actually dreading my baby shower in a few weeks, to be quite honest. Yeah, I don't have to take the trash out but I can't pick up paper when it falls off my desk.

I know all of this makes me sound extremely ridiculous. There are hundreds of women out there on fertility treatments who would be so grateful to get pregnant without even trying. To have a pregnancy so uncomplicated and easy going. To be able to have children. I can't wait to have an actual baby to take home with me. It's just all the nitty gritty things in between not having a baby to having one. it's just not at all what I thought it would be. That's a little disappointing in itself.

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