Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Babies Are WEIRD.

Jacob has a new quirky obsession. It's partially my fault because he saw me doing it and thinks he should do it too. He likes to chew on my fingernails. I do it all the time, particularly when I'm stress (hence all the time) and he saw me doing it the other night. So he took my hand, stuck my finger in his mouth and started clicking his teeth against it, but his tongue was between my nail and his bottom teeth. Then tonight he did the same thing as he fell asleep. Took my finger into his mouth and used my nail to make little clicks. I guess I could let him nails grow a little longer so he can use his own finger but somehow I don't think it will work.

Sometime, at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do it go wrestle with a toddler about laying down and going to sleep. When he was little, and we lived with my mom, I loved it when she could put him to sleep. She'd come home from school and he'd be fed and pajama-clad with a binky in his mouth. She'd rock him and he'd fall asleep as we talked. It's harder now, as I am the only one who has put him to bed for months and some nights I wish there was another option. I think about when he's weaned and I can pass bedtime duty off to his daddy. But then I will miss his warm little body, clad in pajamas and socks next to me. The way his body gets slower and his head moving back and forth on my arm as he tries to shake himself awake. The hand that constantly searches for the other breast, trying to find the nipple so he can hold onto that as he nurses, as I smack it away until he gives up and falls asleep. The sound of his lips still sucking after I remove myself from his puckered hold.

Almost always, I stay longer than necessary in bed with him after he has fallen asleep. It's comfortable and peaceful and nothing on TV can be as amazing as this. Too soon, he will go to sleep alone. Too soon, he will go to sleep with someone else. So I will keep being grateful that I get to be here for these moments. That I get to put my son to bed. That in my presence, my son is comforted and drifts to sleep in my arms. Not everyone can say that, and there might soon be a time when I do not get to be so lucky.

I think I'll keep him. Fingernail chewing and all.

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