Friday, November 24, 2006

Hi, It's Friday and I'm Posting on My Blog While Sitting On My Living Room Floor!

The parade?

I missed it.

I missed it because I was pinned to my bed with a metal stake going straight through my brain.

At least, that's what it felt like. Pounding, nauseating, large wooden stake through my skull pain. I haven't had a headache like that one in many years. I woke up at 8 AM and drank some water, thinking I was just dehydrated. Woke up at 9 with even worse pain, so I took some Ibuprofen and got back in bed. Ten minutes later, I threw up the ibuprofen and got back in bed. Fell asleep till 11, which was the time I was supposed to be meeting my uncle at his house. When I opened my eyes at 11, the pain was gone. But as soon as my feet hit the floor, it was back. After my shower, while I was blow drying my hair, I had to lean against the wall so I would fall over. Somehow I made it to my uncle's house and I let him drive me to my other uncle's house. My Uncle K offered me some Valium or vikoden, but I wanted to at least be awake for Thanksgiving so I declined. Plus, I figured I would throw up if I took it so why waste it? I hear that stuff is fabulous with a little vodka.

Once I got to my Uncle M's house, I sat around for a while. I managed to eat some bread and drink a little water so I could take some excedrin for the blinding pain. I played a game of Uno and I think that helped a lot.

My Uncle M and Fam had friends up from Austin, TX. They were there last year, so it was fun to see them again. Gabby, age 6, asked me when I got there what my husband's name was. When I told her that I didn't have a husband, she turned around and pointed to my Uncle K and asked "then who is he?" Later, the oldest sister asked me if I had any kids, and as I replied no, Gabby stage whispered from across the table "She's not married!" During another conversation, the only boy of four children asked me if I was married, and when I replied no, his mom said "Why, you going to ask her?" His response was "No, she said she had to check with someone before she did that and I was wondering if it was her husband."

I'm struck by their marriage questions because in a time when so many people get divorced or have children out of wedlock, here is a group of children who can't fathom a woman without a husband or a child without both parents. It's refreshing, but also shocking. The oldest daughter assumed that JBelle lived with my brother and his wife/her mom and she kept asking me questions about them and I couldn't bring myself to tell her "No, they were never married and he actually doesn't see JBelle." I recently read an article about how teen pregnancy rates have gone down, but there are more women in their 20's who are becoming pregnant and keeping their children without getting married.

I'm just not ready for that. Last week, when I had JBelle by myself and BB came over to keep me company, I realized that having a baby changes EVERYTHING. I see so many people balance work, a social life, a boyfriend, and their children but I couldn't do it. And I admire JBelle's mom for how well she has done and she is on my list of people to be looked up to because I don't know if I could do as well as she has. Granted, my student loans are the reason my life would be hell with a child. But if there was some sort of loop hole that unwed mothers are eligible for their loans to be paid off, I might say SIGN ME THE FUCK UP! Because I hate you, Sallie Mae.

Anyways, tonight I have JBelle so we watched Hercules together in the chair before reading books in bed. So maybe I could be out at the bar, but I don't mind. Because when she asks me to "Come play with me, Jessi" there isn't a bar in this world that is better than that.

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